New here and have to tell someone that understands!!
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 48
New here and have to tell someone that understands!!
So my AH projects so much, it's like he is a movie theater!! I can't even go into it without getting seriously pissed.
I am lazy, his friends drink too much (refuses to say alcoholic, too triggering I guess?) his brother is a unemployed deadbeat, all of these things that describes him perfectly.
Yesterday the family was planning on going to our local fair. We (me and six year old triplets) all waited until he woke up at 11:30am. He gets up and goes downstairs to drink and 'cure' his hangover. Ends up on the phone with a buddy for 1 hour which is pretty typical. The kids are getting very antsy and I just keep on getting more angry each minute.
He sends me a text that it's his friends brother and friend is back to drinking, he has to 'council' the brother and send a guilt-ridden "wtf! you're messing up!" Text to his friend.
According to AH logic his friend needs 30 day spin dry. Also although AH 'drinks too much' his friend is hiding it and therefore 'worse' than him. It makes perfect sense to him and only him. My AH is not only a hypocrite but he's very smug, holier than thou about his friend secret drinking. It drives me insane!!!
I get a flash of inspiration and send a text to friends wife about the both of us going to alanon. She agrees!!
He gets off the phone and proceeds to complain about his friends drinking. Why does he keep messing up? He's purposely disappointing MY AH and needs to stop.🙄
I calmly tell him what I texted to friends wife and I'm going to go to Alanon with her for support.
Guys- the look on his face was priceless and made my year!!😶😮😲😧
"Wwwhat? Ooo! Um, that's a good idea"
This was clearly NOT what he anticipated!! He wanted me just to agree with him about what a f$&k up friend was and how disappointed we all should be. Then he went on
"Um, okay but friend has already wasted half our family day! (Yeah 'friend' did that!) please do not spend the whole fair on your phone looking for meetings"
He composed himself and started back on his rant about how much friend sucks and it's causing so much trouble for AH. AH might drink too much but he quit for 30 days last spring, so why can't friend do this? Then I set forth another rocket
"Hmmm, why don't you go with him to a AA meeting, ya know, for support?"
The look that followed will forever make me smile.
"Um, ya, I guess I never thought about that"😐
Every time he started to bring up his friend and what a loser he is I came back with advice I'd read about on various alanon articles.
"hes a alcoholic hunny, they lie and don't think of anyone but themselves" things like that.
When he saw that I wasn't going to join in on listening to the usual narcissist rant he often goes on (everyone else sucks except him!) he didn't know what to do!! He knew I was talking about him but couldn't say it without agreeing that he is a drunk!!!
It was AWESOME!!! I hate to say but I loved every minute of it!
Friends wife and I are planning on going to a meeting sometime in the next week!
I am lazy, his friends drink too much (refuses to say alcoholic, too triggering I guess?) his brother is a unemployed deadbeat, all of these things that describes him perfectly.
Yesterday the family was planning on going to our local fair. We (me and six year old triplets) all waited until he woke up at 11:30am. He gets up and goes downstairs to drink and 'cure' his hangover. Ends up on the phone with a buddy for 1 hour which is pretty typical. The kids are getting very antsy and I just keep on getting more angry each minute.
He sends me a text that it's his friends brother and friend is back to drinking, he has to 'council' the brother and send a guilt-ridden "wtf! you're messing up!" Text to his friend.
According to AH logic his friend needs 30 day spin dry. Also although AH 'drinks too much' his friend is hiding it and therefore 'worse' than him. It makes perfect sense to him and only him. My AH is not only a hypocrite but he's very smug, holier than thou about his friend secret drinking. It drives me insane!!!
I get a flash of inspiration and send a text to friends wife about the both of us going to alanon. She agrees!!
He gets off the phone and proceeds to complain about his friends drinking. Why does he keep messing up? He's purposely disappointing MY AH and needs to stop.🙄
I calmly tell him what I texted to friends wife and I'm going to go to Alanon with her for support.
Guys- the look on his face was priceless and made my year!!😶😮😲😧
"Wwwhat? Ooo! Um, that's a good idea"
This was clearly NOT what he anticipated!! He wanted me just to agree with him about what a f$&k up friend was and how disappointed we all should be. Then he went on
"Um, okay but friend has already wasted half our family day! (Yeah 'friend' did that!) please do not spend the whole fair on your phone looking for meetings"
He composed himself and started back on his rant about how much friend sucks and it's causing so much trouble for AH. AH might drink too much but he quit for 30 days last spring, so why can't friend do this? Then I set forth another rocket
"Hmmm, why don't you go with him to a AA meeting, ya know, for support?"
The look that followed will forever make me smile.
"Um, ya, I guess I never thought about that"😐
Every time he started to bring up his friend and what a loser he is I came back with advice I'd read about on various alanon articles.
"hes a alcoholic hunny, they lie and don't think of anyone but themselves" things like that.
When he saw that I wasn't going to join in on listening to the usual narcissist rant he often goes on (everyone else sucks except him!) he didn't know what to do!! He knew I was talking about him but couldn't say it without agreeing that he is a drunk!!!
It was AWESOME!!! I hate to say but I loved every minute of it!
Friends wife and I are planning on going to a meeting sometime in the next week!
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: uk
Posts: 665
Wishing you a warm welcome.
An alternative would have been that you and your little ones could have gone off to the fair at the time of day you wanted. Enjoyed time and fun together while AH did what AH's do!
I work the Al-anon program. Life changer for me. Hope you find it of help too. It helped me change my thinking patterns and how I reacted to my AH. He also does theatre plays. I learnt not to take part.
An alternative would have been that you and your little ones could have gone off to the fair at the time of day you wanted. Enjoyed time and fun together while AH did what AH's do!
I work the Al-anon program. Life changer for me. Hope you find it of help too. It helped me change my thinking patterns and how I reacted to my AH. He also does theatre plays. I learnt not to take part.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2012
Posts: 48
Thanks LeeJane!
That thought (just going with kids by myself) did cross my mind while he was still sleeping. Once I start going to meetings I'll be able to look at these situations differently and get the courage to act on them.
My AH is completely against anything like AA, alanon, therapy. He is very dismissive when anyone talks about any sort of therapy at all. For me it was a huge win that I can start going to alanon without any retaliation from him.
My mom just came over and was practically begging me to divorce him. I just need to go to some meetings and get some guidance from others that have BTDT.
That thought (just going with kids by myself) did cross my mind while he was still sleeping. Once I start going to meetings I'll be able to look at these situations differently and get the courage to act on them.
My AH is completely against anything like AA, alanon, therapy. He is very dismissive when anyone talks about any sort of therapy at all. For me it was a huge win that I can start going to alanon without any retaliation from him.
My mom just came over and was practically begging me to divorce him. I just need to go to some meetings and get some guidance from others that have BTDT.
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