New Oldtimer; I'm SO confused...HELP!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Looking for peace of mind
Posts: 11
New Oldtimer; I'm SO confused...HELP!
Goooooood Morning everyone!!!
Day 3 since I signed up and found the site, it's like having my own AA group right in my own home! I LOVE it!
For those of you that responded to my BEERaholic spouse post, you know what I'm going through with the AH. A few things you might not had known, I too a recovering alcoholic; and haven't been to a meeting in 11+ years. As for my drinking, it has stopped to a rare minimum, drink of choice is the hard stuff! I can go a week, sometimes two without a drink, but depending on my mood, one night I might have 6 or 7 drinks, which might be one night every 4 or 5 weeks. But I KNOW I am an alcoholic and do NOT have a problem admitting to this(Once an alcoholic always an alcoholic). I was the kind of person that started drinking and using at a later age in life, I smoked a little pot in high school, when I was about 17, and hated pot, and then after high school the fun began, NOT! Drinking, and all, I went down FAST within 3 years or so, I hit my bottom with the drinking and drugs. When I was about 22 I went through a drug treatment program, and got clean and sober. I caught on quick, and I was very active in AA and NA for a number of years back in California, I had a sponsor and after a couple of years of sobriety I even took on a few newcombers. I was very close with my higher power, and very spiritual, I grew pretty fast. Why I stopped going, honestly not sure, but I think it had to do with a car wreck I was in back when I was about 23 that should have left me dead, messed me up emotionally and spiritually, but I'm alright physically, thank God. I really don't remember when I fell off, I haven't touched my drug or choice or any drug since before going to the recovery home, I've been clean of all drugs for at least 15 years. But the drinking did come back to haunt me. Yes, I'm a true alcoholic, and it does run in my family. My mother, also recovering through other means other than AA, has been sober for 50+ years, yes, she's 80 this next month, WOW, I told her she has to live as long as me, and can never leave me, (smile), we talk on the phone almost every day. She chose the spiritual path, and that was her rehab. Spirituality also runs in my family, she had 5 sisters and a brother, all on the spiritual path but a few not. My step brother and step sister both are mentally mixed up. My step sister a recovering addict and diabetic, been sober forever. But My father, I never knew. He was not an alcoholic, it came from my mothers side. Okay, I never drank when I got pregnant with my daughter, I was engaged with her father(not an alcoholic) and SO in love with him, but he wanted and chose a different life, he broke my heart once before and then I took him back for him only to do it again, this time carrying his child. I was so devastated with his decision. He wanted me to get an abortion, I asked God for guidance, and now I have a wonderful little 10 year old daughter. Her father wanted to get back with an ex, the same ex he broke my heart over the first time we were together. At first, I was hurt, and angry at God, but now, I know it was all because my daughter had to be born. He went back to the other woman, when I was only weeks pregnant with our daughter, and to make a long story short, he got her pregnant and they got married. I made up my mind, it would see it through without him. I knew I would be okay. So I went 9 months alone at it, living with my Mother, luckily I had her, and gave birth to a happy little baby girl, all alone with my mother beside me. It was the most beautiful moment of my life. But inside I cried because I did love her father so very much, and only wished he would have been there for me and his daughter. Shortly after her birth, there was never a word from the father, I would have allowed him to see her, but it was always under his wife's terms, not his or mine, just hers, etc., etc., etc.,. Anyway, I wasn't ready for that because I was still very angry and very hurt and bitter. If it had been up to the father he would have aborted the pregnancey anyway. He then insulted me and added to my fire and demanded I get tested to assure it was his child, I had NO problem with this, went through it, and of course it was his child, I know she put him up to that. After that, I heard nothing from him. He set up a PO Box for me to communicate with him, becuase wifey woudln't have anything to do with me, I tried for a while, but we could never be friends, and it was best to just let go and let God. Well, I knew there was nothing left for me in California, so I packed up everything I had, took my beautiful baby girl and moved to Arkansas, with no family no friends, just me and my girl. AT that time she was only 4 weeks old. I cried the entire time on the plane, leaving my true and only real love behind, the ocean. Ah, my spiritual friend and with amazing beauty and GREAT voice, haha. But, my daughter was now number 1. So, I spent my very last day riding my bike from Malibu Beach and rode all the way to Marina Del Rey, I sat there and took pictures until the sun went down. I was very much involved with fitness, my 3rd love. But I knew my leaving was the right thing. I raised my baby all by myself without help from anyone, opened my own little coffee house in a small town, it took a nose dive, but I had my daughter. And those first 3 years were the best in my life, I wouldn't had changed a thing, and would not today. I look back and the only thing I miss is my mother and the ocean. Although there were no drugs, I did still drink. NOw, this is getting longer than I wanted too. Well, I met my husband when my daughter was 3, we got married only 4 months after meeting, HOW STUPID was that!!!! I know, I know, I was 27, lonely, and burned out from all the jerks I was meeting. Nobody ever knew what they wanted, and I was always too serious for anyone. My husband showed interest, a LOT of interested, and I think I just stuck with him because I trusted he loved me, and would do anything for me, and my daughter. We got married, and I knew it was a mistake in the first 3 weeks. I caught him lying about everything, even the ring he bought me was a lie!!! He said he would lie because he didn't want to disappoint me, or let me down, ahhhh, how sweet? NOT! I hate liars; and thieves. I told him please don't lie to me, it only makes things worse and that is what disappoints me. It just got worse. I was drinking a lot at nights. And on Weekends too. He would slam a case of beer EVERY day. We had knockout drag out fights, you name it, it was the worse. And everything but what I wanted in a marriage. I started hating him. And now 7 years later a light is on inside of me. I don't think I am in love with him any more, and I don't know if I ever was. He's never been emotional or spiritual in anyway. He's not romantic or creative. He had nothing when we met, not a car, only a few clothes and that was it. He has come a long way, but not emotionally or spiritually. I know he loves me, and my daughter, he just is the type of man that has a hard time with love. He can't even go into say goodnight to my daughter but once every other week, or unless I say something. The 'I love you' doesn't mean anything to me anymore because one night he'll yell, calling me a 'bitch' or accuse me of cheating on him. Or something horrible like that. And all while my daughter I know is listnening in the other room.
Well, here is where I am at, I want to start to go to AA again, and to Al-Anon. I do, I really do. I don't even like drinking anymore, but I know the disease is still there. I can tell you I had one drink yesterday, and a few on Friday, but none on Thursday or Wednesday. But it's there, I know it is. I feel if I don't go to AA or get support somewhere, I may start up again, heavy. I guess that is what led me to find this site. I have felt my spirit is dying inside and crying for help. I can feel the pull of God's hand once again. I haven't felt these things for several years due to my watching my husband and not paying attention to me. I want to save my daughter and me too, spiritually, mentally and emotionally, before it's too late. I don't know what kind of trouble lies before her in her life, but I know I don't want her to grow up in this sort of atmosphere. I know I've neglected her in my 7 years of marriage. I know I take my anger that I have for my husband out on her. I feel I missed 7 years of her life. 7 years!!! Here's my delimma, I am pretty sure I can handle my AH when I get the nerve to tell him I'm going to AA. I am probably just going to start going and not tell him at first. During the day while he's at work. But, when is it okay to expose your child and get them involved in AA and Al-Anon???? She is 10 years old. Do I take her with me? Do I go while she is in school. Are there meetings for kids? Is there a way to get her started without looking down on me later and hating me for it? I dread the thought of her going to high school when it's time, or her first party, and her taking a hit off of a joint or her first drink, or even worse, cocaine. I have no clue what is out there these days either. I want her to be able to say NO, I want her to know about it, but I don't know when is right and what is right or wrong with time to tell her. She knows my husband drinks beer, but doesn't really understand. I've protected her all her life, and she's such an earth child. Doesn't have a clue that I'm an alcoholic, none. When I make a drink, she sometimes asks me, 'What's that mommy', I think I've told her it's just a drink with some caffeine in it, that's all. She's never seen me drunk. She's a straight A/B student. And all the teachers adore her. She has good morals, and ethics. And loves animals, and still loves BARNEY and BARBIE, don't you dare tell her I told you though, she'd have my head, hahahahaha!! She's the kind of kid that holds the door open for you when leaving a store or the post office. She is the kind of kid that picks up a piece of trash if it's in her path. I am SO proud of her now that I'm thinking of the way she is, and I guess a little proud of myself too, okay I am being biased, but looking from the outside, if she weren't my daughter, WOW, what a great little girl. I look at her and see me, it's scarry. She gets her feelings hurt so easily, just like me, she is very sensitive too, just like me. She cries over sad scenes in movies, just like me. She cries when her best friend says something mean. She cries when she doesn't have friends. She loves the other kids. And always wants a friend. All these things points to me, and I worry, oh how I worry. I don't want her to be a follower like I was when I was a teen. So, when I find the meetings, what to do. Any advise? Is there anyone out there that has younger children or older children that started them off going to meetings BEFORE they were old enough to really understand, and are okay today? I don't want her to get the wrong impression of me or alcoholism.
She is involved with church every Wednesday, and loves it. She's been doing this for about a year now. But where do I go with her, what do I do. If it comes to the point of me going to meetings after my AH gets home, I don't want her to be at home with him. She doesn't like to be without me, she always likes to go wherever I go, no matter where it is. Any help, help, help?? What do you mothers do or fathers do with your children? I know once I get in the door of an AA meeting I won't want to stop, I know it. But I don't know how my husband will react. He'll either start to go with me, OR he'll accuse me of having an affair with someone there, or he'll let me go and pretend I'm at Wal-mart, living his lie while he cracks another beer, while his wife is looking for happiness and strength to go on, probably one day without him. IF he does go, he'll only be going to check up on me. But, at this point, I don't care about him, I want to know what to do with my daughter.
And would love to hear your suggestions, advise, and stories if you have them to share. He's working today, WOOHOO!!!
Thanks for being there!!
Jen
Happy another day has come and looking bright.
Day 3 since I signed up and found the site, it's like having my own AA group right in my own home! I LOVE it!
For those of you that responded to my BEERaholic spouse post, you know what I'm going through with the AH. A few things you might not had known, I too a recovering alcoholic; and haven't been to a meeting in 11+ years. As for my drinking, it has stopped to a rare minimum, drink of choice is the hard stuff! I can go a week, sometimes two without a drink, but depending on my mood, one night I might have 6 or 7 drinks, which might be one night every 4 or 5 weeks. But I KNOW I am an alcoholic and do NOT have a problem admitting to this(Once an alcoholic always an alcoholic). I was the kind of person that started drinking and using at a later age in life, I smoked a little pot in high school, when I was about 17, and hated pot, and then after high school the fun began, NOT! Drinking, and all, I went down FAST within 3 years or so, I hit my bottom with the drinking and drugs. When I was about 22 I went through a drug treatment program, and got clean and sober. I caught on quick, and I was very active in AA and NA for a number of years back in California, I had a sponsor and after a couple of years of sobriety I even took on a few newcombers. I was very close with my higher power, and very spiritual, I grew pretty fast. Why I stopped going, honestly not sure, but I think it had to do with a car wreck I was in back when I was about 23 that should have left me dead, messed me up emotionally and spiritually, but I'm alright physically, thank God. I really don't remember when I fell off, I haven't touched my drug or choice or any drug since before going to the recovery home, I've been clean of all drugs for at least 15 years. But the drinking did come back to haunt me. Yes, I'm a true alcoholic, and it does run in my family. My mother, also recovering through other means other than AA, has been sober for 50+ years, yes, she's 80 this next month, WOW, I told her she has to live as long as me, and can never leave me, (smile), we talk on the phone almost every day. She chose the spiritual path, and that was her rehab. Spirituality also runs in my family, she had 5 sisters and a brother, all on the spiritual path but a few not. My step brother and step sister both are mentally mixed up. My step sister a recovering addict and diabetic, been sober forever. But My father, I never knew. He was not an alcoholic, it came from my mothers side. Okay, I never drank when I got pregnant with my daughter, I was engaged with her father(not an alcoholic) and SO in love with him, but he wanted and chose a different life, he broke my heart once before and then I took him back for him only to do it again, this time carrying his child. I was so devastated with his decision. He wanted me to get an abortion, I asked God for guidance, and now I have a wonderful little 10 year old daughter. Her father wanted to get back with an ex, the same ex he broke my heart over the first time we were together. At first, I was hurt, and angry at God, but now, I know it was all because my daughter had to be born. He went back to the other woman, when I was only weeks pregnant with our daughter, and to make a long story short, he got her pregnant and they got married. I made up my mind, it would see it through without him. I knew I would be okay. So I went 9 months alone at it, living with my Mother, luckily I had her, and gave birth to a happy little baby girl, all alone with my mother beside me. It was the most beautiful moment of my life. But inside I cried because I did love her father so very much, and only wished he would have been there for me and his daughter. Shortly after her birth, there was never a word from the father, I would have allowed him to see her, but it was always under his wife's terms, not his or mine, just hers, etc., etc., etc.,. Anyway, I wasn't ready for that because I was still very angry and very hurt and bitter. If it had been up to the father he would have aborted the pregnancey anyway. He then insulted me and added to my fire and demanded I get tested to assure it was his child, I had NO problem with this, went through it, and of course it was his child, I know she put him up to that. After that, I heard nothing from him. He set up a PO Box for me to communicate with him, becuase wifey woudln't have anything to do with me, I tried for a while, but we could never be friends, and it was best to just let go and let God. Well, I knew there was nothing left for me in California, so I packed up everything I had, took my beautiful baby girl and moved to Arkansas, with no family no friends, just me and my girl. AT that time she was only 4 weeks old. I cried the entire time on the plane, leaving my true and only real love behind, the ocean. Ah, my spiritual friend and with amazing beauty and GREAT voice, haha. But, my daughter was now number 1. So, I spent my very last day riding my bike from Malibu Beach and rode all the way to Marina Del Rey, I sat there and took pictures until the sun went down. I was very much involved with fitness, my 3rd love. But I knew my leaving was the right thing. I raised my baby all by myself without help from anyone, opened my own little coffee house in a small town, it took a nose dive, but I had my daughter. And those first 3 years were the best in my life, I wouldn't had changed a thing, and would not today. I look back and the only thing I miss is my mother and the ocean. Although there were no drugs, I did still drink. NOw, this is getting longer than I wanted too. Well, I met my husband when my daughter was 3, we got married only 4 months after meeting, HOW STUPID was that!!!! I know, I know, I was 27, lonely, and burned out from all the jerks I was meeting. Nobody ever knew what they wanted, and I was always too serious for anyone. My husband showed interest, a LOT of interested, and I think I just stuck with him because I trusted he loved me, and would do anything for me, and my daughter. We got married, and I knew it was a mistake in the first 3 weeks. I caught him lying about everything, even the ring he bought me was a lie!!! He said he would lie because he didn't want to disappoint me, or let me down, ahhhh, how sweet? NOT! I hate liars; and thieves. I told him please don't lie to me, it only makes things worse and that is what disappoints me. It just got worse. I was drinking a lot at nights. And on Weekends too. He would slam a case of beer EVERY day. We had knockout drag out fights, you name it, it was the worse. And everything but what I wanted in a marriage. I started hating him. And now 7 years later a light is on inside of me. I don't think I am in love with him any more, and I don't know if I ever was. He's never been emotional or spiritual in anyway. He's not romantic or creative. He had nothing when we met, not a car, only a few clothes and that was it. He has come a long way, but not emotionally or spiritually. I know he loves me, and my daughter, he just is the type of man that has a hard time with love. He can't even go into say goodnight to my daughter but once every other week, or unless I say something. The 'I love you' doesn't mean anything to me anymore because one night he'll yell, calling me a 'bitch' or accuse me of cheating on him. Or something horrible like that. And all while my daughter I know is listnening in the other room.
Well, here is where I am at, I want to start to go to AA again, and to Al-Anon. I do, I really do. I don't even like drinking anymore, but I know the disease is still there. I can tell you I had one drink yesterday, and a few on Friday, but none on Thursday or Wednesday. But it's there, I know it is. I feel if I don't go to AA or get support somewhere, I may start up again, heavy. I guess that is what led me to find this site. I have felt my spirit is dying inside and crying for help. I can feel the pull of God's hand once again. I haven't felt these things for several years due to my watching my husband and not paying attention to me. I want to save my daughter and me too, spiritually, mentally and emotionally, before it's too late. I don't know what kind of trouble lies before her in her life, but I know I don't want her to grow up in this sort of atmosphere. I know I've neglected her in my 7 years of marriage. I know I take my anger that I have for my husband out on her. I feel I missed 7 years of her life. 7 years!!! Here's my delimma, I am pretty sure I can handle my AH when I get the nerve to tell him I'm going to AA. I am probably just going to start going and not tell him at first. During the day while he's at work. But, when is it okay to expose your child and get them involved in AA and Al-Anon???? She is 10 years old. Do I take her with me? Do I go while she is in school. Are there meetings for kids? Is there a way to get her started without looking down on me later and hating me for it? I dread the thought of her going to high school when it's time, or her first party, and her taking a hit off of a joint or her first drink, or even worse, cocaine. I have no clue what is out there these days either. I want her to be able to say NO, I want her to know about it, but I don't know when is right and what is right or wrong with time to tell her. She knows my husband drinks beer, but doesn't really understand. I've protected her all her life, and she's such an earth child. Doesn't have a clue that I'm an alcoholic, none. When I make a drink, she sometimes asks me, 'What's that mommy', I think I've told her it's just a drink with some caffeine in it, that's all. She's never seen me drunk. She's a straight A/B student. And all the teachers adore her. She has good morals, and ethics. And loves animals, and still loves BARNEY and BARBIE, don't you dare tell her I told you though, she'd have my head, hahahahaha!! She's the kind of kid that holds the door open for you when leaving a store or the post office. She is the kind of kid that picks up a piece of trash if it's in her path. I am SO proud of her now that I'm thinking of the way she is, and I guess a little proud of myself too, okay I am being biased, but looking from the outside, if she weren't my daughter, WOW, what a great little girl. I look at her and see me, it's scarry. She gets her feelings hurt so easily, just like me, she is very sensitive too, just like me. She cries over sad scenes in movies, just like me. She cries when her best friend says something mean. She cries when she doesn't have friends. She loves the other kids. And always wants a friend. All these things points to me, and I worry, oh how I worry. I don't want her to be a follower like I was when I was a teen. So, when I find the meetings, what to do. Any advise? Is there anyone out there that has younger children or older children that started them off going to meetings BEFORE they were old enough to really understand, and are okay today? I don't want her to get the wrong impression of me or alcoholism.
She is involved with church every Wednesday, and loves it. She's been doing this for about a year now. But where do I go with her, what do I do. If it comes to the point of me going to meetings after my AH gets home, I don't want her to be at home with him. She doesn't like to be without me, she always likes to go wherever I go, no matter where it is. Any help, help, help?? What do you mothers do or fathers do with your children? I know once I get in the door of an AA meeting I won't want to stop, I know it. But I don't know how my husband will react. He'll either start to go with me, OR he'll accuse me of having an affair with someone there, or he'll let me go and pretend I'm at Wal-mart, living his lie while he cracks another beer, while his wife is looking for happiness and strength to go on, probably one day without him. IF he does go, he'll only be going to check up on me. But, at this point, I don't care about him, I want to know what to do with my daughter.
And would love to hear your suggestions, advise, and stories if you have them to share. He's working today, WOOHOO!!!
Thanks for being there!!
Jen
Happy another day has come and looking bright.
Supply Manager
Join Date: Feb 2002
Location: Cleaverville
Posts: 2,898
Jen...your daughter knows more than you think she does. She see's the drinking and she hears the fighting. Kids feel things even if they don't see and hear them so don't even think she is blind to it all.
You could talk to her...10 is not that young. Tell her you want to make your lives better and you think you know where you can do that. Tell her it may take some time away from her and ask her what would she like to do with that time. Ask her if there is anything she wants to talk about.
It only takes one person to change a situation. I am the only one in my family that has sought recovery and my marriage has been forever changed. My husband still drinks by the way.
Good luck to you,
JT
You could talk to her...10 is not that young. Tell her you want to make your lives better and you think you know where you can do that. Tell her it may take some time away from her and ask her what would she like to do with that time. Ask her if there is anything she wants to talk about.
It only takes one person to change a situation. I am the only one in my family that has sought recovery and my marriage has been forever changed. My husband still drinks by the way.
Good luck to you,
JT
brightlight
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Detachment
Posts: 201
I do not have any advice because I am just like you. I looked into the meetings and they have one here where you can bring the kids. They have somebody to watch them. The rest of the meetings they cannot come. They have the teen meeting, but I think they start at 12 or 13. I have a daughter that is like yours. She is 11 and is everything you said your daughter is. I also have a son that is 5. When she was born my husband started drinking worse. I drank socially with him until I was pregnant and then stopped. My brain changed and I started wanting to protect her. The first 3 years of her life he drank, but she did not know. He did not drink at home. Then he stopped for 6 or 7 years and life was great. He started back around two years ago and life has been hell. I can see that my health is going to be damaged by this and I have to stop the yelling and being mad. 
He hates it when I am mad and then does try to be good for several days. I also had a mother that was wonderful. It helped having her. She died in Aug. and was 89. Why did you pick Arkansas? Off and on I have thought about moving to Arkansas. My husband and I both are from Oklahoma and are not real happy where we live now. We are trying to decide where we want to live. We have several states we have thought about and Arkansas is one of them.
He hates it when I am mad and then does try to be good for several days. I also had a mother that was wonderful. It helped having her. She died in Aug. and was 89. Why did you pick Arkansas? Off and on I have thought about moving to Arkansas. My husband and I both are from Oklahoma and are not real happy where we live now. We are trying to decide where we want to live. We have several states we have thought about and Arkansas is one of them.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Looking for peace of mind
Posts: 11
Hello brightlight, it sounds like we have a lot in common, I am finding this out more and more with others on the site. Sorry to hear about the loss of your mother, prayers with you. I can't imagine ever being ready for that day. I don't know what your beliefs are, but I've had a near death experience, and there is SO much more out there after we live our life here. I am sure she is in a wonderful place.
Well, to be honest , Arkansas is gorgeous, and I feel safe and like the quality of life here, but like any place I guess, it depends on the area you pick. I think it would be a great move for you and your family. Rogers, where we live, is extreme NW Arkansas, 20 minutes to Missouri, 10 minutes to the lake, about 2 hours from Branson. It's almost perfect. Fayetteville, Arkansas is home of the Razorback Hogs. When I moved here, I moved to Siloam Springs, what a change from Los Angeles. It was culture shock, I've adjusted nicely, even like the snow now, and I would never go back to Cali, unless I could get a house right on the beach. Anyway, Arkansas is changing rapidly, the growth here is amazing. I'm planning on moving out of city because there is too much growth. They are expecting a million people in Rogers by 2010. It's one of the fastest growing cities in the US.
They are putting in one of those Malls of Americas, with a waterpark/amusement park in it, it's gotten a little out of hand if you ask me. All the land is being eaten up by developers, and it's a little sad. I call it my home because I 've been here so long, 10 years.The air is gorgeous and the weather is almost perfect. Fall is beautiful with colors galore, greens, yellows, orange and red trees aline almost every street you turn on. There are still a lot of places in Arkansas that are not going to change that much, so that is where I will probably end up, Eureka Springs, is very NICE.
Well, I was worried about the meetings and my daughter. I think if I start going to meetings during the day, it will help me, and my daughter more. I don't know what hubby will say when I tell him I'm going, but I'll cross that bridge when I get there.
I am glad to have found my way back to AA, and I'm so glad I found this site, it is wonderful for support, I have felt better in the last 2 days than I've felt all year. And I'm happier!!!
Well, I don't want to babble your ear off.
Thanks for your help, and support, I wish alcohol was never invented, wouldn't that be nice? But then it'd be something else, UUUUGGGGGhhhh, the never ending cycle.
Take care,
Jen
Well, to be honest , Arkansas is gorgeous, and I feel safe and like the quality of life here, but like any place I guess, it depends on the area you pick. I think it would be a great move for you and your family. Rogers, where we live, is extreme NW Arkansas, 20 minutes to Missouri, 10 minutes to the lake, about 2 hours from Branson. It's almost perfect. Fayetteville, Arkansas is home of the Razorback Hogs. When I moved here, I moved to Siloam Springs, what a change from Los Angeles. It was culture shock, I've adjusted nicely, even like the snow now, and I would never go back to Cali, unless I could get a house right on the beach. Anyway, Arkansas is changing rapidly, the growth here is amazing. I'm planning on moving out of city because there is too much growth. They are expecting a million people in Rogers by 2010. It's one of the fastest growing cities in the US.
They are putting in one of those Malls of Americas, with a waterpark/amusement park in it, it's gotten a little out of hand if you ask me. All the land is being eaten up by developers, and it's a little sad. I call it my home because I 've been here so long, 10 years.The air is gorgeous and the weather is almost perfect. Fall is beautiful with colors galore, greens, yellows, orange and red trees aline almost every street you turn on. There are still a lot of places in Arkansas that are not going to change that much, so that is where I will probably end up, Eureka Springs, is very NICE.
Well, I was worried about the meetings and my daughter. I think if I start going to meetings during the day, it will help me, and my daughter more. I don't know what hubby will say when I tell him I'm going, but I'll cross that bridge when I get there.
I am glad to have found my way back to AA, and I'm so glad I found this site, it is wonderful for support, I have felt better in the last 2 days than I've felt all year. And I'm happier!!!
Well, I don't want to babble your ear off.
Thanks for your help, and support, I wish alcohol was never invented, wouldn't that be nice? But then it'd be something else, UUUUGGGGGhhhh, the never ending cycle.
Take care,
Jen
Searching and tripping
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Back in my head
Posts: 1,194
Hi Jen,
Since you're aware that alcoholism is an ongoing disease, you know that you need the AA meetings. And God, of course. You can also attend alanon meetings during the day when the A is working.
Please, please, please find meetings geared for your daughter. My son was just like your daughter is now. Kind, caring, loving, polite and ever helpful. He was exposed to the alcoholism and the fights (verbal). He would go out of his way to do things for me and to make me happy. He was 7. Over the years, I prayed that it hadn't affected him. He's a 24 year old alcoholic. He's working his program very hard and hoping that he can stay sober for the rest of his life.
These babies know more than they let on. You know that she would never say anything to you to upset you because you're already going through a lot with your A. Plus, you're her mama. They hold this junk in and it affects them horribly. More than we'll ever know.
My son told me several months ago that he wished that I had taken him to alanon meetings. Then, maybe he wouldn't be in the situation he's in now. Don't be like me and have regrets. I have forgiven myself, but I do occasionally mentally kick myself in the ass for being so ignorant and blind to my sons needs. Just because he didn't show them, I figured he was okay.
You do your thing and stay sober and do your meetings and find help for your daughter. There are also child psychologists out there who could work with her.
You don't need to tell him anything about what you're doing. If he should ask, tell him that you're working your program and want to make sure your daughter has a better chance at life then you did.
Hugs, Kathy
Since you're aware that alcoholism is an ongoing disease, you know that you need the AA meetings. And God, of course. You can also attend alanon meetings during the day when the A is working.
Please, please, please find meetings geared for your daughter. My son was just like your daughter is now. Kind, caring, loving, polite and ever helpful. He was exposed to the alcoholism and the fights (verbal). He would go out of his way to do things for me and to make me happy. He was 7. Over the years, I prayed that it hadn't affected him. He's a 24 year old alcoholic. He's working his program very hard and hoping that he can stay sober for the rest of his life.
These babies know more than they let on. You know that she would never say anything to you to upset you because you're already going through a lot with your A. Plus, you're her mama. They hold this junk in and it affects them horribly. More than we'll ever know.
My son told me several months ago that he wished that I had taken him to alanon meetings. Then, maybe he wouldn't be in the situation he's in now. Don't be like me and have regrets. I have forgiven myself, but I do occasionally mentally kick myself in the ass for being so ignorant and blind to my sons needs. Just because he didn't show them, I figured he was okay.
You do your thing and stay sober and do your meetings and find help for your daughter. There are also child psychologists out there who could work with her.
You don't need to tell him anything about what you're doing. If he should ask, tell him that you're working your program and want to make sure your daughter has a better chance at life then you did.
Hugs, Kathy
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