Rella927

I do not want to babble or feel as if I'am but I'm going through such a difficult time-I have been going over and over in my head how badly I feel that my ex A was arrested-The cop told me that I did the right thing and that the A was shocked! He never saw it coming. That is what I'm battling with- I did not want that to happen-but NJ State law states that it is mandatory he was arrested because there was a bruise (signs of physical abuse). I know that it is the codie in me that is feeling guilty about it-and I keep wondering if he knows that it was not me that made the choice to arrest him. And then at the same time-I think who cares because he wanted to play and now he must pay. It is like my head is torn in two places and I cannot grasp this! One side healthy....the other Codie to the extreme! I so do not want to go to court in two weeks because I have that nagging fear inside which is normal and I know I need to do this for myself and follow through till the end.I know what I need to do for me and that is the good thing it is just getting there that is the hard part.

Lorelai

Your life is just as important as his life.

He will never have a need to change his behavior if he never faces the consequences of it. You're doing him a favor.
L

CrazyRed

Ditto to what Lorelai posted!

minnie

Rella

I believe that the most loving thing we can do for an addict is to let them face the consequences of their actions and allow them to hit their bottom. If we continue to keep them above their bottom, they won't have the incentive to get help and start recovery.

You have done the right thing for him. I know it doesn't feel like it, but I think you'll look back in a while and know that is true. Why should you feel bad - he was the one that got into this situation. You didn't force him, did you? No, he did it all by himself.

Now, what are you going to do for YOU today?

Don't forget - we're all here for you.

Love

Minnie
xxx

Petunia

Rella - this was custom made for you today. Take what you need and leave the rest.

Petunia

************************************************** ********

....You don't get to choose how you're going to die. Or when. You can only decide how you're going to live. Now.
- Joan Baez

How thrilling to contemplate that we can choose every attitude we have and every action we take. We have been gifted with full responsibility for our development. What will we try today? It's our personal choice. How will we decide on a particular issue? Our options are only limited by our vision.

Every situation in life offers us a significant opportunity for making a decision that will, of necessity, influence the remaining situations we encounter. Just as we are interdependent, needing and influencing one another in all instances that bring us together, likewise our decisions are never inviolate. Each is singly important; however its impact its multiplied by the variety of other decision triggered.

The choice is ours for living fully today, for taking advantage of all the opportunities that present themselves. Our personal growth, our emotional and spiritual development, are in our hands. HP will provide us with the guidance and the program offers us the tools. The decision to act is ours, alone.

I will exercise my personal power. My choices determine my development.

Petunia

Rella,

Here's another perspective - maybe he never thought you would be strong enough to stand up for yourself.

The bottom line is that it doesn't matter what he thinks, believes, expects of you. You took the action you needed to in order to ensure you have a safe place to live. It is your GOD GIVEN RIGHT to feel safe and NO ONE should be permitted to take that away. We feel fear when safety does not exist.

You don't have to do anythign today, except get through today. When the time comes, the only thing you have to do is tell the truth. That old quote, "The truth will set up free" sums it all up.

Rella, just for today -

Petunia

Magichappens

Rella,
Facing our fears and standing up for ourself is very hard. Especially when we haven't practiced doing this for very long. It was so easy for me to ignore my own worth. So easy to try to make everyone else ok, even if it was detrimental to me. You are worth so much more than being a punching bag or something to take his frustrations out on. What he did was wrong. It is ok to stand up and say that, and let the consequences fall where they may.

You didn't cause this. Don't feel bad for not taking the responsibility. You are worth standing up for. Hugs, Magic

cwohio

rella - hugs and support - it's scary to change but you are brave and you will know what you did was right. maybe not right now.

Karivan

Rella... I wish my sister had her AH arrested. He beat her up all through their marriage and I can't even begin to imagine what their kids saw and the memories they're living with. By the time he died of alcohol poisoning she was too far gone in the bottle and physically unfit to survive. She died a year after he did.

No one deserves to be hit and whoever does it should face the consequences.

Rella927

(((Karivan))))) I'm so sorry for your loss-and I agree no one does deserve to be hit no matter what the situation is.
Minnie, cwohio, Crazy,(((HUGS))))Thank you so much-and Petunia and Magic words cannot express the inspiration I have absorbed from the two of you! You both touch my heart and open my eyes to things that are there but feel so out of reach-(recovery will help to get there someday-One day at a time)

I have been doing well with not allowing him to consume my everyday thoughts...it is just I keep guard in the back of my head-still thinking he may pop out somewhere-maybe not before court but I feel afterwards that he will.

I thank you all for your support and words they mean so much to me-more than you will know. I'm so glad that I found SR!!

One day at a time...