My husband is sober and I'm confused

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07-02-2017, 10:53 AM

# 21 (permalink)

Ewwfiate

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Join Date: May 2017

Posts: 9

Quote:

Originally Posted by FallenAngelina

If you care to say, what is the biggest change that is challenging for you? Perhaps it's helpful for you to talk about what exactly doesn't feel so comfortable for you. Not that you have to talk about it here - it's just a thought for you.

I think it's similar to what was said in an earlier post. Not having a Bloody Mary at brunch or a beer at a ball game. Or doing it alone and feeling that by engaging in something I enjoy I'm not being supportive. All of these posts have helped. Thank you for taking the time to respond. I think I need to put him and his sobriety first.

07-02-2017, 10:59 AM

# 22 (permalink)

LexieCat

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Join Date: Jul 2010

Location: South Jersey

Posts: 16,633

And just remember, it probably isn't something you will have to give up forever. Right now, though--the first year or so--is the trickiest to navigate.

07-02-2017, 02:14 PM

# 23 (permalink)

NYCDoglvr

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Join Date: Nov 2010

Location: New York, NY

Posts: 6,262

Recovering alcoholic. It took about a year to feel comfortable around people having drinks and never in at home.

07-02-2017, 02:39 PM

# 24 (permalink)

Ladybird579

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Join Date: Mar 2016

Posts: 994

Quote:

Originally Posted by LexieCat

Mightn't it be a bit different if it were a matter of life and death that you lose weight and he were eating sweets right in front of you--in your face about it? That's pretty much the situation with an alcoholic who is SINCERE about trying to stay sober. It IS a matter of life/death--not like dropping a few pounds to look good in a swimsuit--and it is VERY hard in the beginning to accept that other people can drink but you cannot.

I take your point and I did stop having a drink to make it easier for him. He wasn't sincere tho. I was explaining how I really felt about it, not what I actually did. I just found not being able to have a single glass of wine once every so often , along with his whole hoo har, annoying by that point. Everything revolved around him...

07-02-2017, 03:21 PM

# 25 (permalink)

LexieCat

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Join Date: Jul 2010

Location: South Jersey

Posts: 16,633

Exactly. When someone is really trying, I think we all want to try not to make it unnecessarily difficult. When we know it's all a sham--a show--it's a whole different thing.

07-02-2017, 03:35 PM

# 26 (permalink)

SoloMio

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Join Date: Apr 2010

Location: USA

Posts: 1,118

I agree that it's the best thing, from the POV of merely being considerate, to not openly drink in the house. I remember years ago when AH went to rehab one of the family group counselors said that when her husband stopped drinking, she drank for a while and then asked herself, "why am I doing this? He's struggling to stop and I'm not being helpful."

During my AHs sober period, yes we made changes as a family. Not drinking was not a big deal to me, if I remember correctly. But it's true that dynamics shift dramatically, and so I think for you, maybe it's not just about your personal drinking, but the whole constellation of changes. It is often a pretty big shift, but as long as you communicate and work through each issue as it arises it will iron itself out.

AlAnon would be huge for you right now. Maybe couples therapy, too. Best of luck to you--change ain't easy, but worth the work.