Coming to terms with divorce...

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05-06-2017, 11:25 AM

# 21 (permalink)

hearthealth

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Join Date: Aug 2016

Posts: 1,144

How different it would be if our first choice was _I will get a divorce._ The first time and not look back.
But I got so invested and tried to change him and then learned it's about changing myself. I don't think it's ever an easy decision but when all else falls into no change, then divorce becomes the accept marriage and live with this or there's s another way to live life.

05-06-2017, 03:09 PM

# 22 (permalink)

BeachPlease

Member

Join Date: Jul 2016

Location: Midwest

Posts: 120

Quote:

Originally Posted by firebolt

You really put the crux of the Codie dilemma into words...

Do I do something to let MYSELF down?, or
Do I do something that is good for me but MAKES ME FEEL like I am letting everyone else down?

Your kids and family love you and want you to be happy, and a happy mother IS what is best for the kids.

I have a fairly unhappy mother. It does damage, and it teaches us to be martyrs, it teaches us to never seek help, and it teaches us that we are doing a good thing by sacrificing ourselves for other people. Although our lives become our own responsibility, I believe an unhappy parent can lay the foundation for codie or addicted kids.

I hope you take care of yourself - you can show your kids that building the life you want is a healthy way to live!!

Oh my gosh, this is so true. When my son asked what was going on with me and STBXAH, I had to tell him the truth (not all the details, but I gave him a good idea of the situation) because he's a young man who is dating. I didn't want him to model my behaviors in a relationship and pray he never does.