Is this normal?
See my horse, Angel!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Land of Cheese
Posts: 45
Is this normal?
I have come to realize that I can't stand ANYTHING that has to do with alcohol. I sure can't drink it, the smell makes me sick to my stomach, watching others drink makes me sick too. Seeing someone drunk actually disgusts me. I walk by a liquor section and grumble to myself.
I really do not like to go to bars at all anymore. (not that I ever really went much anyway) But one place here has big named bands and it's up close and personal. So I do enjoy going there a few times a year. I am fearful the whole time that AH is getting cravings. I feel it is wrong of me to go there because it is asking for trouble.
Are these normal feelings, are they codie feelings? Does anyone else feel this way at all?
I really do not like to go to bars at all anymore. (not that I ever really went much anyway) But one place here has big named bands and it's up close and personal. So I do enjoy going there a few times a year. I am fearful the whole time that AH is getting cravings. I feel it is wrong of me to go there because it is asking for trouble.
Are these normal feelings, are they codie feelings? Does anyone else feel this way at all?
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
Bambi,
Everyone reacts differently to the effects of alcoholism. Let me just say that you are not abnormal. Many people feel that alcohol is a problem. But it's not alcohol. It's alcoholism. If alcohol were the problem, then food would be a problem, sex would be a problem, shopping would be a problem, gaming (gambling) would be a problem, people would be a problem (for us codies). For most people, moderation in these areas is the norm.
That being said, people can feel that they don't like any of these things, and not be wrong. Their experience can make any of these things seem uncomfortable, and even scary. My experience has been that looking within and facing my fears has made me ok with the world as it is. When fear, anger, disgust, or any negative feeling comes up, I don't think of it as wrong. I try to find out where it is coming from and why. Then I can find a solution. That doesn't mean that I will welcome things in my life that I don't care for, but I won't be uncomfortable or afraid of them. Hugs, Magic
Everyone reacts differently to the effects of alcoholism. Let me just say that you are not abnormal. Many people feel that alcohol is a problem. But it's not alcohol. It's alcoholism. If alcohol were the problem, then food would be a problem, sex would be a problem, shopping would be a problem, gaming (gambling) would be a problem, people would be a problem (for us codies). For most people, moderation in these areas is the norm.
That being said, people can feel that they don't like any of these things, and not be wrong. Their experience can make any of these things seem uncomfortable, and even scary. My experience has been that looking within and facing my fears has made me ok with the world as it is. When fear, anger, disgust, or any negative feeling comes up, I don't think of it as wrong. I try to find out where it is coming from and why. Then I can find a solution. That doesn't mean that I will welcome things in my life that I don't care for, but I won't be uncomfortable or afraid of them. Hugs, Magic
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: A very sad place
Posts: 115
Bambi -
I have had the same feelings. I hated to see people (even people I know do not have a problem with alcohol) drinking. I made me sick. To see my AH and his friends drinking and lying around here drunk was disgusting to me. To see anyone drunk was disgusting to me.
Since I have been reading the post here and working more on my own recovery I have noticed that to see someone have a drink or drinking does not bother me as much. Seeing someone drunk does still disgust me though.
Hugs
Kat
I have had the same feelings. I hated to see people (even people I know do not have a problem with alcohol) drinking. I made me sick. To see my AH and his friends drinking and lying around here drunk was disgusting to me. To see anyone drunk was disgusting to me.
Since I have been reading the post here and working more on my own recovery I have noticed that to see someone have a drink or drinking does not bother me as much. Seeing someone drunk does still disgust me though.
Hugs
Kat
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Maryland
Posts: 64
Hi Bambi,
Yes, I think what you're feeling is normal. At least it is to me. I felt the same way. I still hate the smell of alcohol. Interestingly enough as I have been educating myself over the last few months I started to realize that I was mad at the alcohol and not at the abuser.(displacing my anger I guess) My ABF was/still is abusing alcohol. It came to me that I know plenty of people that can responsibly consume alcohol. I personally quit but before I quit I could have a glass of wine without turning into a complete jacka$$.(come to think of it I quit all my ABF's "bad" habits including smoking
) That has been my experience - I hope it helps.
Best Wishes
Yes, I think what you're feeling is normal. At least it is to me. I felt the same way. I still hate the smell of alcohol. Interestingly enough as I have been educating myself over the last few months I started to realize that I was mad at the alcohol and not at the abuser.(displacing my anger I guess) My ABF was/still is abusing alcohol. It came to me that I know plenty of people that can responsibly consume alcohol. I personally quit but before I quit I could have a glass of wine without turning into a complete jacka$$.(come to think of it I quit all my ABF's "bad" habits including smoking
) That has been my experience - I hope it helps.Best Wishes
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Where the sun always shines!
Posts: 1,625
The smell of beer/alcohol also makes me sick. I found myself actually looking down at anyone who drank repeatedly including co-workers. I also make comments about people I see coming out of a convenient store at 2:00 in the after with a twelve pack of beer.
brightlight
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Detachment
Posts: 201
I hate bars and wish women would unite and burn them down! I cannot remember the name of the lady a long time ago that went around smashing bottles in bars. I used to like to have a drink of wine or something, but now when I do I feel yucky like I did something bad. 
That should not be. People having a social drink or just to relax are not overdrafting the bank or hurting anybody should be able to do that. Like potato chips, they will hurt you if you eat the whole bag or everyday, but not like the package says.
That should not be. People having a social drink or just to relax are not overdrafting the bank or hurting anybody should be able to do that. Like potato chips, they will hurt you if you eat the whole bag or everyday, but not like the package says.
Barn Goddess
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Southern NJ
Posts: 250
I can SOOO relate to this! I am an ACoA - I have NEVER drank. People are amazed that I could make it to 47 without ever having been drunk! What's up with THAT???
I used to HATE alcohol - anyone who drank at all was "red-flagged" in my book. Then a couple of years ago, I realized that I was going to have to change my line of thinking or else face a long and lonely life alone... The reality is, MOST people drink and CAN drink without it being a problem for them, so why do I make such a big deal of it???
Little by little I decided I could deal with someone who had a glass or two of wine - or even a beer or two at the end of the day... no harm, no foul (and "PLEASE go brush your teeth before you even THINK about cozying up to me!!!") So, last year I met Mr. Ed (my b/f) and I was soooo proud of myself for not getting all weirded out when he would have a beer or two!! PROGRESS!!! I was determined NOT to be "oversensitive" to the beer drinking! Fast forward to the present - Mr.Ed's beer or two (that I saw) were actually beers 8 or 9 (the first beers were had before I would get to his house). And now, here I am, deeply involved with an Alcoholic. I was SO determined to NOT make a big deal of things that I actually closed my eyes and ignored the red flags! How ironic is THAT?
Our relationship is on hold - he's "going to quit and get help" (yes, for the past ten months he has been saying this). He's in MT and I am in NJ so I really don't experience a whole lot of fall-out from his drinking. I'm giving our relationship until Dec. and then I will pull the plug. I refuse to wait forever for the illusive "gonna" there has been entirely too much talk about what he was gonna do, and not NEARLY enough action.
I love him - I love the person I see when he's not in lala land but I refuse to live with an alcoholic. I did not have a choice as a child, I DO have a choice now and I choose to NOT ever live that way again.
I used to HATE alcohol - anyone who drank at all was "red-flagged" in my book. Then a couple of years ago, I realized that I was going to have to change my line of thinking or else face a long and lonely life alone... The reality is, MOST people drink and CAN drink without it being a problem for them, so why do I make such a big deal of it???
Little by little I decided I could deal with someone who had a glass or two of wine - or even a beer or two at the end of the day... no harm, no foul (and "PLEASE go brush your teeth before you even THINK about cozying up to me!!!") So, last year I met Mr. Ed (my b/f) and I was soooo proud of myself for not getting all weirded out when he would have a beer or two!! PROGRESS!!! I was determined NOT to be "oversensitive" to the beer drinking! Fast forward to the present - Mr.Ed's beer or two (that I saw) were actually beers 8 or 9 (the first beers were had before I would get to his house). And now, here I am, deeply involved with an Alcoholic. I was SO determined to NOT make a big deal of things that I actually closed my eyes and ignored the red flags! How ironic is THAT?
Our relationship is on hold - he's "going to quit and get help" (yes, for the past ten months he has been saying this). He's in MT and I am in NJ so I really don't experience a whole lot of fall-out from his drinking. I'm giving our relationship until Dec. and then I will pull the plug. I refuse to wait forever for the illusive "gonna" there has been entirely too much talk about what he was gonna do, and not NEARLY enough action.
I love him - I love the person I see when he's not in lala land but I refuse to live with an alcoholic. I did not have a choice as a child, I DO have a choice now and I choose to NOT ever live that way again.
See my horse, Angel!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Land of Cheese
Posts: 45
Originally Posted by Cadence57
I can SOOO relate to this! I am an ACoA - I have NEVER drank. People are amazed that I could make it to 47 without ever having been drunk! What's up with THAT???
I used to HATE alcohol - anyone who drank at all was "red-flagged" in my book. Then a couple of years ago, I realized that I was going to have to change my line of thinking or else face a long and lonely life alone... The reality is, MOST people drink and CAN drink without it being a problem for them, so why do I make such a big deal of it???
Little by little I decided I could deal with someone who had a glass or two of wine - or even a beer or two at the end of the day... no harm, no foul (and "PLEASE go brush your teeth before you even THINK about cozying up to me!!!") So, last year I met Mr. Ed (my b/f) and I was soooo proud of myself for not getting all weirded out when he would have a beer or two!! PROGRESS!!! I was determined NOT to be "oversensitive" to the beer drinking! Fast forward to the present - Mr.Ed's beer or two (that I saw) were actually beers 8 or 9 (the first beers were had before I would get to his house). And now, here I am, deeply involved with an Alcoholic. I was SO determined to NOT make a big deal of things that I actually closed my eyes and ignored the red flags! How ironic is THAT?
Our relationship is on hold - he's "going to quit and get help" (yes, for the past ten months he has been saying this). He's in MT and I am in NJ so I really don't experience a whole lot of fall-out from his drinking. I'm giving our relationship until Dec. and then I will pull the plug. I refuse to wait forever for the illusive "gonna" there has been entirely too much talk about what he was gonna do, and not NEARLY enough action.
I love him - I love the person I see when he's not in lala land but I refuse to live with an alcoholic. I did not have a choice as a child, I DO have a choice now and I choose to NOT ever live that way again.
I used to HATE alcohol - anyone who drank at all was "red-flagged" in my book. Then a couple of years ago, I realized that I was going to have to change my line of thinking or else face a long and lonely life alone... The reality is, MOST people drink and CAN drink without it being a problem for them, so why do I make such a big deal of it???
Little by little I decided I could deal with someone who had a glass or two of wine - or even a beer or two at the end of the day... no harm, no foul (and "PLEASE go brush your teeth before you even THINK about cozying up to me!!!") So, last year I met Mr. Ed (my b/f) and I was soooo proud of myself for not getting all weirded out when he would have a beer or two!! PROGRESS!!! I was determined NOT to be "oversensitive" to the beer drinking! Fast forward to the present - Mr.Ed's beer or two (that I saw) were actually beers 8 or 9 (the first beers were had before I would get to his house). And now, here I am, deeply involved with an Alcoholic. I was SO determined to NOT make a big deal of things that I actually closed my eyes and ignored the red flags! How ironic is THAT?
Our relationship is on hold - he's "going to quit and get help" (yes, for the past ten months he has been saying this). He's in MT and I am in NJ so I really don't experience a whole lot of fall-out from his drinking. I'm giving our relationship until Dec. and then I will pull the plug. I refuse to wait forever for the illusive "gonna" there has been entirely too much talk about what he was gonna do, and not NEARLY enough action.
I love him - I love the person I see when he's not in lala land but I refuse to live with an alcoholic. I did not have a choice as a child, I DO have a choice now and I choose to NOT ever live that way again.
I decided 2 weeks ago when he came home from work again drunk, after having that accident and a 3rd DIU, that I was NOT taking this anymore. I heard all the promises again, and that night I was to emotional tired to do anything about it. This time he was went to a meeting the next day, and has been going a few times a week. So he made some steps.
I know and he knows that if he doesn't continue, then it is over after 10 yrs. I have also made empty threats in the past. I hate that in me.
It is so hard when your still so in love with them, and besides the drinking they are a wonderful person. But I can't live in 2 worlds, with 2 different husbands like this anymore. It is driving me insane.
See my horse, Angel!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Land of Cheese
Posts: 45
Originally Posted by JessicaNAJ
The smell of beer/alcohol also makes me sick. I found myself actually looking down at anyone who drank repeatedly including co-workers. I also make comments about people I see coming out of a convenient store at 2:00 in the after with a twelve pack of beer.
But I could say that about the candy companies, or fast food places. When I heard someone was suing Mcdonalds for them being over weight I thought it HAD to be a joke. How can you blame them??? Did someone make you eat that Whopper or Mc this or Mc that??
See my horse, Angel!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Land of Cheese
Posts: 45
Originally Posted by Anguished
Hi Bambi,
Yes, I think what you're feeling is normal. At least it is to me. I felt the same way. I still hate the smell of alcohol. Interestingly enough as I have been educating myself over the last few months I started to realize that I was mad at the alcohol and not at the abuser.(displacing my anger I guess) My ABF was/still is abusing alcohol. It came to me that I know plenty of people that can responsibly consume alcohol. I personally quit but before I quit I could have a glass of wine without turning into a complete jacka$$.(come to think of it I quit all my ABF's "bad" habits including smoking) That has been my experience - I hope it helps.
Best Wishes
Yes, I think what you're feeling is normal. At least it is to me. I felt the same way. I still hate the smell of alcohol. Interestingly enough as I have been educating myself over the last few months I started to realize that I was mad at the alcohol and not at the abuser.(displacing my anger I guess) My ABF was/still is abusing alcohol. It came to me that I know plenty of people that can responsibly consume alcohol. I personally quit but before I quit I could have a glass of wine without turning into a complete jacka$$.(come to think of it I quit all my ABF's "bad" habits including smoking
) That has been my experience - I hope it helps.Best Wishes
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: In Search of Finding ME!
Posts: 1,246
Bambi, I am right there with you!!!!!
I've been married to my AH for 16 years (though we have split up most of this year) and though my recovery has really come a long way - I, too, really have issues with anything having to do with alcohol. The only thing I can really tolerate when it comes to anything concerning alcoholism is THIS. MY recovery.
The damage that alcohol has caused to me and my children will be with me forever. Regardless of how far I go in my recovery, I know that a part of me has been changed forever.
I do have friends that drink. I am not with them when they are drinking. They completely understand this and respect that decision. We find things to do that do not involve alcohol whatsoever. There have been a few times that we went and shot pool or went and watched a friend sing karoke, etc. that placed us in a bar. But because my friends were not drinking and that is who I was with, it made being in a bar easier as I wasn't really involved in any way with the alcohol.
But yes, it does disgust me. It "triggers" me as well. I was at a concert this past year (as well as last year) where the wind would blow just right and I would be given a huge smell of the alcohol that was around me. It instantly caused me to have flashbacks and to have those same feelings come inside me that I used to have with AH. It's hard sometimes, but I'm learning to deal with it.
I've been married to my AH for 16 years (though we have split up most of this year) and though my recovery has really come a long way - I, too, really have issues with anything having to do with alcohol. The only thing I can really tolerate when it comes to anything concerning alcoholism is THIS. MY recovery.
The damage that alcohol has caused to me and my children will be with me forever. Regardless of how far I go in my recovery, I know that a part of me has been changed forever.
I do have friends that drink. I am not with them when they are drinking. They completely understand this and respect that decision. We find things to do that do not involve alcohol whatsoever. There have been a few times that we went and shot pool or went and watched a friend sing karoke, etc. that placed us in a bar. But because my friends were not drinking and that is who I was with, it made being in a bar easier as I wasn't really involved in any way with the alcohol.
But yes, it does disgust me. It "triggers" me as well. I was at a concert this past year (as well as last year) where the wind would blow just right and I would be given a huge smell of the alcohol that was around me. It instantly caused me to have flashbacks and to have those same feelings come inside me that I used to have with AH. It's hard sometimes, but I'm learning to deal with it.
See my horse, Angel!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Land of Cheese
Posts: 45
Originally Posted by StandingStrong
Bambi, I am right there with you!!!!!
I've been married to my AH for 16 years (though we have split up most of this year) and though my recovery has really come a long way - I, too, really have issues with anything having to do with alcohol. The only thing I can really tolerate when it comes to anything concerning alcoholism is THIS. MY recovery.
The damage that alcohol has caused to me and my children will be with me forever. Regardless of how far I go in my recovery, I know that a part of me has been changed forever.
I do have friends that drink. I am not with them when they are drinking. They completely understand this and respect that decision. We find things to do that do not involve alcohol whatsoever. There have been a few times that we went and shot pool or went and watched a friend sing karoke, etc. that placed us in a bar. But because my friends were not drinking and that is who I was with, it made being in a bar easier as I wasn't really involved in any way with the alcohol.
But yes, it does disgust me. It "triggers" me as well. I was at a concert this past year (as well as last year) where the wind would blow just right and I would be given a huge smell of the alcohol that was around me. It instantly caused me to have flashbacks and to have those same feelings come inside me that I used to have with AH. It's hard sometimes, but I'm learning to deal with it.
I've been married to my AH for 16 years (though we have split up most of this year) and though my recovery has really come a long way - I, too, really have issues with anything having to do with alcohol. The only thing I can really tolerate when it comes to anything concerning alcoholism is THIS. MY recovery.
The damage that alcohol has caused to me and my children will be with me forever. Regardless of how far I go in my recovery, I know that a part of me has been changed forever.
I do have friends that drink. I am not with them when they are drinking. They completely understand this and respect that decision. We find things to do that do not involve alcohol whatsoever. There have been a few times that we went and shot pool or went and watched a friend sing karoke, etc. that placed us in a bar. But because my friends were not drinking and that is who I was with, it made being in a bar easier as I wasn't really involved in any way with the alcohol.
But yes, it does disgust me. It "triggers" me as well. I was at a concert this past year (as well as last year) where the wind would blow just right and I would be given a huge smell of the alcohol that was around me. It instantly caused me to have flashbacks and to have those same feelings come inside me that I used to have with AH. It's hard sometimes, but I'm learning to deal with it.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: ROCKPORT , MAINE
Posts: 36
I hate being around beer & alcohol too..
I am not a drinker...never was......
But if I am going to be REALLY ...REALLY ..REALLY HONEST here....and I am......
THen I have to say that part of the reason I get so angry with alcoholics (especially mine) ...is that I am a bit jealous...
Yes......Jealous.
Here I am dealing with life ......sober & responsible....and feeling all the fear & frustration that comes with paying bills .....being truthful..........planning ahead...........dealing with stress ,uncertainty & etc.
Oh how I wish sometimes that I could "take a vaction from myself"......be selfish , manipulative & have someone there to "fix it" ...and "pick up the pieces.
In that sense.....yes...part of me is envious of the temporary solution...the instant relief...........
But thank God......I'm still smart enough to know that the price I would pay....would not be worth the consequences of being able to "put my life in temporary suspended animation" .
I am smart enough to know that life wouldn't stop ....just because I decided not to participate .
It is so hard sometimes to have to deal with life .........as life really is.......
But ...I'm willing to take my chances......sober & true to myself.
I am in "one of those moods tonight...where I am just sort of typing as I'm thinking....and probably seem a bit " out in left field"
It was just something I thought of.....and well....I went and put it out here for all to read............I'll deal with it (smile)
I am not a drinker...never was......
But if I am going to be REALLY ...REALLY ..REALLY HONEST here....and I am......
THen I have to say that part of the reason I get so angry with alcoholics (especially mine) ...is that I am a bit jealous...
Yes......Jealous.
Here I am dealing with life ......sober & responsible....and feeling all the fear & frustration that comes with paying bills .....being truthful..........planning ahead...........dealing with stress ,uncertainty & etc.
Oh how I wish sometimes that I could "take a vaction from myself"......be selfish , manipulative & have someone there to "fix it" ...and "pick up the pieces.
In that sense.....yes...part of me is envious of the temporary solution...the instant relief...........
But thank God......I'm still smart enough to know that the price I would pay....would not be worth the consequences of being able to "put my life in temporary suspended animation" .
I am smart enough to know that life wouldn't stop ....just because I decided not to participate .
It is so hard sometimes to have to deal with life .........as life really is.......
But ...I'm willing to take my chances......sober & true to myself.
I am in "one of those moods tonight...where I am just sort of typing as I'm thinking....and probably seem a bit " out in left field"
It was just something I thought of.....and well....I went and put it out here for all to read............I'll deal with it (smile)
brightlight
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Detachment
Posts: 201
I feel like you Why and now I do have a drink of wine. I have got where I cannot sleep sometimes. My chest is tight and I will either have to go to the doctor for prescription drugs or a glass of wine. I read where it is probably even good for you. It relaxes me and I make sure I never drink it if I am going to have to go somwhere. I can drink it and my mood does not change. I talk and walk the same, but I can take a deep breath. My dad died from a heart attack and had a lot of anger. I do not want that. I am trying to not be mad and really it might have been better because being worried sick about his health is getting to me. I love him and if he hurts I will hurt. No matter about detachment. It will hurt.
See my horse, Angel!
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: Land of Cheese
Posts: 45
Originally Posted by brightlight
I feel like you Why and now I do have a drink of wine. I have got where I cannot sleep sometimes. My chest is tight and I will either have to go to the doctor for prescription drugs or a glass of wine. I read where it is probably even good for you. It relaxes me and I make sure I never drink it if I am going to have to go somwhere. I can drink it and my mood does not change. I talk and walk the same, but I can take a deep breath. My dad died from a heart attack and had a lot of anger. I do not want that. I am trying to not be mad and really it might have been better because being worried sick about his health is getting to me. I love him and if he hurts I will hurt. No matter about detachment. It will hurt.
See I am afraid to even have alcohol in the house.
I am not a drinker but if I was, I couldn't because I am afraid of triggering anything that could cause him to drink. I bet this is wrong, but I have come to a point where I don't want to do anything for him to play the blame game with me. 
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