TheHopeful

Hi everyone,

Thanks for all the input and also the links to further reading. I appreciate getting advice from others who have been here and understand what it can be like.

I think that's really good advice about just focusing on my own issues and well...just my life in general I guess. Instead of obsessing about whether or not he is drinking. Of course it's easier said than done, since it has really become such an obsession.

I don't know how it's all going to go yet, but I guess making the right decisions for myself is the most important right now. I know that my work life has also suffered as a result of this, and I'd like to start putting that first again, because it is my only "way out" so to speak if things don't get better.

I have wasted so much time simply worrying about things and sometimes even actively looking for hidden bottles, calling him to find out where he is, see whether he is drunk, etc.

We are in the middle of a big move right now, so that has added to the confusion, but once that's all behind us I'd like to start looking at doing more things for myself, picking up old hobbies, getting back into my fitness routines and such.

Anyway thanks again everyone, so glad to have found this site.

rescuer

That's just the worst, isn't it? The empty bottles, that anxiety about their drinking, that sinking feeling when you know it's happening again, the desperate calling, the waiting for their call. We just slip into that so naturally. Reading about this and coming here makes one realise that it is not normal and one shouldn't have to go through life like that.

TheHopeful

Yes, exactly...that sinking feeling.

Day 5 and he has started drinking again. He has another appointment with the doc tomorrow. I hope he'll go. But obviously he isn't taking it seriously....

atalose

I think the bigger question here is are you taking his choice to drink again seriously?

TheHopeful

I guess I don't feel ready to walk away from 7 years of my life yet. Maybe I'm delusional...

AnvilheadII

it's still YOUR life!! this is just a fork in the road OF your life.

YOUR concern was how to support HIS sobriety.
HIS concern was how to get the next drink.

this cycle can go on a long long time. and it can chew you up and wear you down. you are actually having a relationship with his ADDICTION now, trying to bargain with it, LIVE with it, make it a somehow OK part of your life.

TheHopeful

That's true, of course.

I guess because he has finally (after two years of progressively getting worse) admitted to having a problem, and has taken at least small steps towards improving (trying to detox and seeing a doctor again today) I feel that I want to at least give it a chance.

I know I shouldn't expect too much, and I am working on a plan B for myself in case the situation stays the same.

Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

dandylion

TheHopeful.....keep reading, keep learning....that is the way to put the focus on your own life.....You need your energy to focus on your job, also....
Go to the "Sticy" at the top of the front page....The one called "Classic Reading"...and, especially, read the one titled: "10 ways to know if your addict or alcoholic is full of crap"...that is a pretty good yardstick to know how committed to gaining true sobriety, he is.....

atalose

So for the past 2 years his life has been enmeshed with booze and your life has been enmeshed with his booze………..what about the 5 years prior? I imagine drinking has always been a part of his life and as his disease has progressed so have his behaviors where his issue is very notable.

I think delusional often becomes part of the cycle and a big part of our own recovery. Realization of reality vs the fantasy we often tell ourselves and hold onto.

Ladybird579

Maybe I'm delusional..

One of my adults daughters told me I was when I was going for yet another round of happy families/ living in hope/ this time was it and he was going to change and it really hurt me to hear her say it. Turns out she was right. I wasted another 5 years of my life with him before I worked it out for myself and 20 in all.

TheHopeful

We were both heavy drinkers for many years...I myself spent time in jail for an alcohol related incident, which I was later cleared of, but it would never have happened had I been sober.

I have given up alcohol completely in the past year....partly in the hopes it would help him quit. I was never physically addicted though and giving it up wasnt hard to do once I saw how it was affecting our life.

Anyway, all this to say I'm no saint myself, which maybe makes it harder to walk away from this.

NewRomanMan

Prayers for you Hopeful. I hope you find the strength to make the right decision for yourself, whatever it may be.

TheHopeful

So he finally had a full physical check up today. Came home visibly upset and not wanting to talk about it. He went out again now and I looked up the meds he was prescribed. Read that one of them is also used to treat bipolar or mania. So now I'm feeling even more worried. Anyone have experience with this?

LexieCat

You said it is "also" prescribed for bipolar and mania. What are the other indicated uses?

TheHopeful

Anticonvulsant...would that have something to do with withdrawal symptoms?

LexieCat

My bet, yes. A diagnosis of bipolar disorder would not be arrived at after a brief physical exam.

TheHopeful

I guess I shouldnt go jumping to conclusions before we have had a chance to talk :-)

hopeful4

I encourage you to stay on your side of the road. It's ok if he is upset, let him be upset. He has to learn to handle these feelings, without drinking. It's going to take a long time.

And, try not to google to diagnose what they may be talking about at the doctor. You will drive yourself crazy. Agree with the above post, a diagnosis of bipolar would not be made after a regular doctors office visit.

Give him some space. You don't have to make any decisions or control this for him. Just keep working on YOU.

TheHopeful

I'm gonna try :-)