Magichappens

Sometimes I forget that it's not my job to make people live life according to Magic. I forget that it's not my job to live according to what others think. If people choose to blame me for their unhappiness, because I choose to make my own decisions, they have that right.

All my life I tried to make others happy with me. My happiness depended on what others thought of me. Thank goodness for Al-Anon. It reminds me that my job is to take care of me and not expect others to agree with my decisions. It's my job to be me, whether others like that or not.

That is not an easy thing. It's easy to fall into people pleasing and trying to fix. Especially when someone is demanding that from me. It is easy to forget that I have learned something different. That I have the tools of detachment and that I am not a bad person because someone else says I am. I forget to seek those who love me for me, and I get caught up in the person who wants me to fix them.

My self worth isn't built on fixing people. I know that I can't fix anyone. They have to fix themself. But it is a habit that is hard to break. Luckily, I know that I can't be perfect at this new way of life. I am going to stumble. But I can start over. I can get back on track.

The child that lives in my head still wants my parents to approve of me and have my best interest in mind. It is frustrating that at 36 and in recovery, I still try to get them to do this for me. They aren't capable. They are caught up in their own emotional void. I had to realize that I didn't cause it, I can't control it, and I can't cure it. You guys remind me that I am not someone else's problem, no matter what they think. The only one I can fix is me.

Knowing that doesn't make it painless. Knowing that your parents will never agree with how you choose to live your life, even if it is right for you, is painful. Hearing advice that they give, and knowing that they are trying to undermine my decisions is hard. They think they know what is best for me. If it works for them, it should work for me. But I don't want my life to be like theirs. It's a good thing that I have support from people who understand. I have to remember that. I have people in Al-Anon that I want to model my life after.

I am grateful that I have this family here. That I can vent. That I can share my thoughts, and not be judged. Thanks for being here. Hugs, Magic

Gracey

I am not a bad person because someone else says I am (QUOTE)

I am very sensitive to what other people think about me......and that is something I am working on.

I am trying to work on, saying it is okay for us to have different opinions, that doesnt mean either one of us are bad or wrong........cant we just agree to disagree......I take things to personal.......I need to stop that.......

Thank you magic for a wonderful post.

Gabe

Magic,
I couldn't be happier that you're a part of my SR Family.
An important part.

Gabe

Lorelai

Big realization for me, Magic and very well put.

I came to understand that I can make decisions about my life without the input of everyone around me. I can make good, sound choices myself - I am the expert on my life. Once I stopped doubting my ability to run my own life, I began to make choices that were right for me.

It helps to know I can make mistakes and the world won't end. I find myself saying "If ______ happens, I'll handle it."

Life really is an adventure. I'm not going to hide anymore for fear of making a mistake. What fun is that???
Thanks for being here - L

Peaches04

HI Magic...thanks so much for this post. I really needed this today. I seem to be forgetting more and more that people don't have to run their life according to me. But, then I seem to be forgetting that I can! So, at this point - I'm stuck in confusion. This post has really given me something to think about - I am so grateful for people like you who help me put things back into perspective. Thanks (((((Magic)))))

Alice Wonder

((((Magic)))) you were on my mind when i logged on today and this post is great! i have been thinking a lot about this type of stuff... the nature of relating to others and keeping our space as the person we choose to be. i think when you are a strong person it is exaggerated as you draw people to you that need strength and it is easy to get sucked into fix it mode... or the flipside when you are strong and people do not like the choices you have made about who you are or what you choose to do. there are a lot of fine lines throughout all of this and the lines can get blurry but the alternative is to not play and that won't work at times... so....thanks for reminding me to seperate it out a little more and stay aware of my role in things. i always think i am the puppet master in life but usually i end up being one of the puppets! love- alice

cwohio

thanks again, as usual magic! that people-pleasing, fix-it"itess" is so ingrained sometimes . i've only just begun to work on all of this recovery stuff. it's folks like you that have worked at it for a while that can help us newbies keep on track and tell it like it is!

alice - you bring up some good points in your post!

(((())))) to all of our cyber-family!

journeygal

(((((Magic)))))

You always give me such great things to put in my signature.

WHYOWHY

Thanks magic........
I am havin "one of those days" and I needed to be reminded that I am not a "freak" for feeling the way I do sometimes.......
I am also a "people pleaser" and am so sensitive !!!!
I find myself constantly "praying to the God of other peoples opinions"

One of the "good" things that is happening to me ....now that I am making an effort to take all the focus off my AH ..and transfer that energy to MY recovery...is that I am starting to become curious about the things I DO to make life harder for me.

One of those things is working on not letting other people "get to me"
I am beginning to realize that while I act like the world doesn't care about me...at the very same time I think that "the world revolves around me" (weird how those two polar opposited can exist at the same time).
I am just starting to value my own opinions.......and taking all those "other folks" off the pedestal I put them on.
I ,too longed for my parents approval .....and almost lost myself in the process.
I am wonderfing if any of this makes sense to you ..(I'm having a bad day & it is hard to form thoughts)
I guess what I want to say is ....THANKS FOR TAKING THE TIME TO SHARE YOUR THOUGHTS TODAY..........It helped me .

jessieandme2003

Thank you for this post.

It is a beautiful reminder of all the things I am working on as well.

I needed to read something exactly like this today.

I am so glad you are here.

Karivan

Thank you for reminding me of my own recovery. My H is at AA right now, his first meeting, and all my thoughts were about him. I needed that reminder that I have to work on my recovery.

All my life I've been told that I'm different, I don't fit in, I'm weird but you know what? My family lives one way and I live another way and I'm not going to let it bother me anymore.

You're great. Thanks so much for sharing. :rose

Magichappens

WOW! I needed to hear that I am not the only one. The strength I get from you guys is amazing. I get so caught up sometimes in my situation that I can't even think straight. Having a place that I can talk about it, and people who are trying to get better really helps me stay on the path.

Alice, you summed up so nicely what I have been feeling..Puppet master, or puppet? Trying to control others just makes me a pawn. I don't see myself as strong, but that is an illusion. The game is to get her to take care of us without letting her know we need her. My family puts the weight on me, then wants me to feel useless and incapable. When I put the focus on my recovery, I realize I am strong, and capable.

Nobody promised me this was an easy path. They only promised it would be a rewarding one. It is. And having travelling companions like you make it so much better. Hugs, Magic