I finally left him
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: North Port Florida
Posts: 4
I finally left him
Christmas was so sad but I finally got the courage and stood up for myself .I couldn't take anymore of his verbal abuse and drunkenness December 11 I had to get a restraining order on him .It was the only way he would ever leave my home .So sad,I thought that I would be with him the rest of my life ,but the drinking is now at it's max.I could not live that lifestyle anymore . It's going to be real tough for the first few months because I later found out he hadn't paid none of the bills in two months and I do not work as I am waiting for my disability claim....Going to be a rough one ,but I'll somehow pull through. I am also waiting on the scheduling date for my wrist surgery this is really scaring me to go through this and be alone .Im doing good but I still must be going through a grieving stage because I did love him after all and here and there I just keep crying out of no where.Just such a shame that he threw it all away and choose a beer can over me.
It is also so sad that he doesn't even realize he's done anything wrong because of how drunk he gets and the blackouts.....
It is also so sad that he doesn't even realize he's done anything wrong because of how drunk he gets and the blackouts.....
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
sureluck, glad you thought to come back here. I know you feel alone right now, but all you have to do is reach out to us here at SR or to a local Alanon group and you have both friendship and support.
You made a courageous and difficult decision in leaving a situation that you could no longer tolerate. It's going to hurt for a while, no doubt about that, but you are going to be OK in the end. You're absolutely right, you will pull through somehow.
Great big hugs, sureluck--hold strong. We're here for you.
You made a courageous and difficult decision in leaving a situation that you could no longer tolerate. It's going to hurt for a while, no doubt about that, but you are going to be OK in the end. You're absolutely right, you will pull through somehow.
Great big hugs, sureluck--hold strong. We're here for you.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: UK
Posts: 207
Sureluck, I can empathise as I am also in the very early stages of separation (days).
It is a mixture of emotions at the moment but each day is getting slightly easier and I am becoming less anxious too - it is definitely a form of grieving, it will take time but we WILL recover fully.
Big hugs to you.
It is a mixture of emotions at the moment but each day is getting slightly easier and I am becoming less anxious too - it is definitely a form of grieving, it will take time but we WILL recover fully.
Big hugs to you.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
SL,
You are a brave and courageous women to get the restraining order and getting him out. He is a very sick man and there is no reasoning with anyone like that. You took the hard road my friend. My therapist told me the easy way is to stay in a rotten marriage, you chose the opposite.
It is ok to grieve and be sad. Once I learned just because I loved someone, doesn't mean I have to live with them or be married to them. No one is asking you to no longer love him, just do it from a distance. You will be ok!!
Keep reading this forum. Reach out to alanon if you can. It really helps to have face to face support. Hugs my friend, we do care!!
You are a brave and courageous women to get the restraining order and getting him out. He is a very sick man and there is no reasoning with anyone like that. You took the hard road my friend. My therapist told me the easy way is to stay in a rotten marriage, you chose the opposite.
It is ok to grieve and be sad. Once I learned just because I loved someone, doesn't mean I have to live with them or be married to them. No one is asking you to no longer love him, just do it from a distance. You will be ok!!
Keep reading this forum. Reach out to alanon if you can. It really helps to have face to face support. Hugs my friend, we do care!!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2015
Posts: 299
Hi,
You should be very proud of yourself for making the decision to take care of you! It's a very difficult one to make, takes a lot of strength!
This time last year, I was in your position. I had to get a domestic violence order because of the abuse, and fearing for my safety.
Unlike you, I moved out of our home, and have moved x 2 since.
I thought like you, I was going to spend the rest of my life with my AH. It was so sad to realize he had chosen alcohol over me.
As time goes by, I don't think the pain every goes away, but we learn how to cope with it.
It was probably the most difficult decision I have every made in my life, but I have no regrets. It was what you needed to do, to take care of you.
For me, it's been a year, my divorce is proceeding very slowly. My AH continues to drink and blame me for all his problems.
I feel safe and at peace for the first time in many years. I just keep telling myself, the man I married no longer exists, my AH is a man I don't recognize.
Stay strong!!! It will get better, and you will get through this!!!!
Many, Many Hugs!!
My thoughts are with you!
Zircon!
You should be very proud of yourself for making the decision to take care of you! It's a very difficult one to make, takes a lot of strength!
This time last year, I was in your position. I had to get a domestic violence order because of the abuse, and fearing for my safety.
Unlike you, I moved out of our home, and have moved x 2 since.
I thought like you, I was going to spend the rest of my life with my AH. It was so sad to realize he had chosen alcohol over me.
As time goes by, I don't think the pain every goes away, but we learn how to cope with it.
It was probably the most difficult decision I have every made in my life, but I have no regrets. It was what you needed to do, to take care of you.
For me, it's been a year, my divorce is proceeding very slowly. My AH continues to drink and blame me for all his problems.
I feel safe and at peace for the first time in many years. I just keep telling myself, the man I married no longer exists, my AH is a man I don't recognize.
Stay strong!!! It will get better, and you will get through this!!!!
Many, Many Hugs!!
My thoughts are with you!
Zircon!
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi SL, I'm sorry for the position you find yourself in, but you also had the courage to finally say no, I am better than this, and move on. That means a lot.
I hope you get through the next few months ok, and your surgery is successful. Never put your trust in anyone financially - you can take control back of your life and so it so much better.
I hope you get through the next few months ok, and your surgery is successful. Never put your trust in anyone financially - you can take control back of your life and so it so much better.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 93
Good for you. You cannot fix an alcoholic or force him/her to seek help. That has to be their addiction journey and with time, hard work and commitment they could come back to be a humble, giving and loving person. Until then, put your oxygen mask on first and go into survival mode. Protect yourself and your loved ones first and push forward knowing that it is the right thing to do. God speed. You can do this.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
