Interesting day
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Ayer's Cliff, Quebec
Posts: 803
Interesting day
Hi Everyone,
Well this afternoon was certainly interesting.
I get a call from a friend of mine. And she says to me I was just on ***** Personals and does your S.O have an ad on there? There is a picture of him and it looks an awful like him.
Well I said I didn't think so but send it to me which she did.
And yes it was him and it wasn't old in fact he up-dated it last winter months after we had started going out.
So, I called him left a message for him to call me.
And he tells me that he's had it there for a long time and yes in fact he had up-dated it while we were together and listen to this part "No one can talk to me and I can't talk to them I just like to go on there and see who replies."
I said "oh well that's a bit of a strange thing to want to do when you are in a supposedly committed relationship, wanting to see what/who else is out there."
I guess you know I can understand being out and about and you see a good-looking person and it's normal to look, but to put yourself in a position to be looking to see what is out there is a bit different to me anyways.
It's like putting out a hook in case something better comes along to me anyway but maybe I'm nuts.
So then the quacking started oh I'm so sorry I hurt you I knew this day would come it doesn't mean anything it's just for fun blah blah blah blah blah blah blah quack quack quack.
Ngaire
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: PA
Posts: 3
Originally Posted by myles1
Hi Everyone,
Well this afternoon was certainly interesting.
I get a call from a friend of mine. And she says to me I was just on ***** Personals and does your S.O have an ad on there? There is a picture of him and it looks an awful like him.
Well I said I didn't think so but send it to me which she did.
And yes it was him and it wasn't old in fact he up-dated it last winter months after we had started going out.
I said "oh well that's a bit of a strange thing to want to do when you are in a supposedly committed relationship, wanting to see what/who else is out there."
Ngaire
Who do these guys think they're kidding? We were not born yesterday! Did he remove the ad from *****?
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 425
Hi Myles; I was dating this guy since May 2002, and I moved in with him last October 2003. In January I was searching my computer (which I shared with him and his kids) and found out he was in an internet dating site, in fact the same one we met on.
He said he was bored blah blah blah, and wouldn't do it again
Well a month later after being more alert, I checked my computer again, and found out he was in there again. I confronted him and he got indignant.
I moved out 2 weeks later, which was in March of this year. So we only wound up living together for 4 and a half months. Sad. There is a lot more to the story of our relationship and added with that was just the last straw.
Why do they do it. I told him, I felt like he was either looking for someone to replace me with or just something additional. Either way I told him it didn't make me feel secure. Do they feed off the attention or what?
He said he was bored blah blah blah, and wouldn't do it again
Well a month later after being more alert, I checked my computer again, and found out he was in there again. I confronted him and he got indignant.
I moved out 2 weeks later, which was in March of this year. So we only wound up living together for 4 and a half months. Sad. There is a lot more to the story of our relationship and added with that was just the last straw.
Why do they do it. I told him, I felt like he was either looking for someone to replace me with or just something additional. Either way I told him it didn't make me feel secure. Do they feed off the attention or what?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Ayer's Cliff, Quebec
Posts: 803
Well I guess harmless I don't agree with I think it's a bunch of crap.
Guess I'm just an old stick in the mud but I have no interest in who is out there especially when I 'm in a relationship.
Guess he won't be hearing from me anytime soon. To me it's just an a33hole thing to have done.
Actually I'm really shocked by it, he must have been putting on a real good show all this time.
I really don't know how I could trust him again.
Ngaire
Guess I'm just an old stick in the mud but I have no interest in who is out there especially when I 'm in a relationship.
Guess he won't be hearing from me anytime soon. To me it's just an a33hole thing to have done.
Actually I'm really shocked by it, he must have been putting on a real good show all this time.
I really don't know how I could trust him again.
Ngaire
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Northern VA
Posts: 82
It strikes me that your A said he knew this day would come and he is sorry he hurt you...sounds like he is sorry he got caught. I've been there with my AH and I wouldn't recommend going down that road - it's too painful. If someone is committed - they STOP looking. What's the point of being with someone who is still looking at other women? He could be a great and stellar guy, but you desire a great and stellar guy that isn't checking out other women.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: Carrollton TX
Posts: 466
HI Myles...I'm so sorry! I would be furious - to me, it's not harmless, it's not okay - how harmless is it to put you in a position where your good friend calls and tells you your SO is out there? I bet that was an enjoyable conversation for you! What an a$$ - I'm sorry, but this just infuriates me for you. You deserve much better - I read your posts and you always say good words to me to inspire, so I know you have a good heart and mind. There is no reason to do that sh** than to be trolling - it's that easy. Or else he is desperately looking for approval or praise somewhere else...and if he is, he's got issues (ofcourse, we knew that - or we ALL wouldn't be here!). I'm sorry sweetie! ugh! I love the idea about YOU updating HIS information... I think that would be the one time I would condone that in my recovery!! haha!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2001
Location: That's what I'd like to know.
Posts: 2,416
Hi Ngaire!
Boy can I relate to this one. Almost exactly the same thing happened to me last winter. Nobody ratted. Dino was using my computer a lot at the time and he left his picture files open in my image browser. I went in to work on my pictures one day and the most boobous collection of females you ever saw greeted me. I was totally confused and it dawned on me they might be internet related so I checked my cookies and found the singles site. There was Dino. Twice. He had the same excuse about being lonesome and curious, and the thing that finally made me accept that was that his bios would have been pretty darned hard to live up to if he ever met these women in person. And they were kind of different bios, too. And one used a picture from about 15 years ago. Another thing that made me seethe was that the current picture was one I took of him that he said he needed for a work related thing. Actually, I think that is the thing that really offended me the most. That he lied to me to get a picture to post. I partitioned the computer so that his files could never come up in my section again. That was after I screamed and upset him a lot. I don't really believe he meant to meet up with any of these gals. Still, it was ooky and it was MY computer. I have to admit I was not being particularly nice to him at the time (before the listings) but he was not being particularly likable. Still, the fact that it was his fault that I wasn't being companionable wouldn't mean he'd stop craving companionship.
So I dealt with it. On the whole it shouldn't have been such a huge deal but I felt betrayed and rejected and had a sizable hissy fit. Now I just think it's silly. I have no idea if he still keeps up with it. I don't want to know. LOL
HUGS!
Smoke
Boy can I relate to this one. Almost exactly the same thing happened to me last winter. Nobody ratted. Dino was using my computer a lot at the time and he left his picture files open in my image browser. I went in to work on my pictures one day and the most boobous collection of females you ever saw greeted me. I was totally confused and it dawned on me they might be internet related so I checked my cookies and found the singles site. There was Dino. Twice. He had the same excuse about being lonesome and curious, and the thing that finally made me accept that was that his bios would have been pretty darned hard to live up to if he ever met these women in person. And they were kind of different bios, too. And one used a picture from about 15 years ago. Another thing that made me seethe was that the current picture was one I took of him that he said he needed for a work related thing. Actually, I think that is the thing that really offended me the most. That he lied to me to get a picture to post. I partitioned the computer so that his files could never come up in my section again. That was after I screamed and upset him a lot. I don't really believe he meant to meet up with any of these gals. Still, it was ooky and it was MY computer. I have to admit I was not being particularly nice to him at the time (before the listings) but he was not being particularly likable. Still, the fact that it was his fault that I wasn't being companionable wouldn't mean he'd stop craving companionship.
So I dealt with it. On the whole it shouldn't have been such a huge deal but I felt betrayed and rejected and had a sizable hissy fit. Now I just think it's silly. I have no idea if he still keeps up with it. I don't want to know. LOL
HUGS!
Smoke
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Levittown Pennsylvania
Posts: 264
"in case something better comes along "
You used these words...
...and it slammed right into me.
I have been using those words for years to describe how my AH made me feel. EVERYTHING about our life seemed to involve his always hedging his best 'in case something better came along'.
We could not have plans in advance to do things, because he hated to be locked down 'in case something better came along'.
And even if we had plan if something better came along he was going and just dithcing me or not coming home to tell me til later when it was over and too late. If I yelled at him for not calling to tell me he'd say I would just bitch at him about it because we had plans but he decided to do something else. SO he didn't want to hear it so he'd just not call.
Then the quacking... so sorry... never again... no big deal... I was a jerk.
So eventually to avoid all that he would not promise a time he'd be home each day, because he couldn't say if he'd be at the bar or with the guys after work and something better would come up to do than come home for dinner.
He would fluctuate from loving me beyond words for months, then become distant and distacted. I always knew that meant the grass was looking greener somewhere, either with a girl he thought he had a chance at or a group of friends he could hang with. Wahtever it was looked like something better.
He'd eventually come back to focusing on me when the grass didn't stay greener for real long. I even started to notice him inventing problems between us to justify to himself pusuing that greener grass. His phrase was "I don't know, I'm just not happy".
It is amazing how being here helped me back then to stop and pay attention to this behavior. Stop crying, stop blaming myself and trying to change myself so he'd want me more. Stop trying to control it.
I was able to just look at it and analyze it. That's how I started to notice the patterns. It became so much easier to see, and to see it had nothing to do with me. Nothing I did was going to change it.
By the last time it was happening I just laughed. He was going to the bar for a pool meeting, we both play on a team. It was Friday night, and I had a sitter so I could go too. He never called after work to say he was on his way home to pick me up, so I called him. He said I didn't have to come he could go himself, and I said I wanted to. He hesitated and said again I didn't have to. I knew what was coming. I asked what was with that attitude and he said "I'm just not happy."
It was ludicrous, as just two weeks before he was telling me how amazing I was and how he loved gardening with me the way we were that day, etc etc. I just laughed and knew 'here we go again' and said I would drive myself there. I told him later that night I wanted him out, I was finally done with those games. It felt great, actually. It lingered a couple more months but really I was done mentally that night and he was just working on lining up the next place to land.
Within weeks he was with a new girl and you'd never know he needed me more than air to breath for the previous 6 years.
I am sorry, but I don't trust them because I think the basic issue is that they only care about what they want and how they feel.
in case something better comes along
I have been using those words for years to describe how my AH made me feel. EVERYTHING about our life seemed to involve his always hedging his best 'in case something better came along'.
We could not have plans in advance to do things, because he hated to be locked down 'in case something better came along'.
And even if we had plan if something better came along he was going and just dithcing me or not coming home to tell me til later when it was over and too late. If I yelled at him for not calling to tell me he'd say I would just bitch at him about it because we had plans but he decided to do something else. SO he didn't want to hear it so he'd just not call.
Then the quacking... so sorry... never again... no big deal... I was a jerk.
So eventually to avoid all that he would not promise a time he'd be home each day, because he couldn't say if he'd be at the bar or with the guys after work and something better would come up to do than come home for dinner.
He would fluctuate from loving me beyond words for months, then become distant and distacted. I always knew that meant the grass was looking greener somewhere, either with a girl he thought he had a chance at or a group of friends he could hang with. Wahtever it was looked like something better.
He'd eventually come back to focusing on me when the grass didn't stay greener for real long. I even started to notice him inventing problems between us to justify to himself pusuing that greener grass. His phrase was "I don't know, I'm just not happy".
It is amazing how being here helped me back then to stop and pay attention to this behavior. Stop crying, stop blaming myself and trying to change myself so he'd want me more. Stop trying to control it.
I was able to just look at it and analyze it. That's how I started to notice the patterns. It became so much easier to see, and to see it had nothing to do with me. Nothing I did was going to change it.
By the last time it was happening I just laughed. He was going to the bar for a pool meeting, we both play on a team. It was Friday night, and I had a sitter so I could go too. He never called after work to say he was on his way home to pick me up, so I called him. He said I didn't have to come he could go himself, and I said I wanted to. He hesitated and said again I didn't have to. I knew what was coming. I asked what was with that attitude and he said "I'm just not happy."
It was ludicrous, as just two weeks before he was telling me how amazing I was and how he loved gardening with me the way we were that day, etc etc. I just laughed and knew 'here we go again' and said I would drive myself there. I told him later that night I wanted him out, I was finally done with those games. It felt great, actually. It lingered a couple more months but really I was done mentally that night and he was just working on lining up the next place to land.
Within weeks he was with a new girl and you'd never know he needed me more than air to breath for the previous 6 years.
I am sorry, but I don't trust them because I think the basic issue is that they only care about what they want and how they feel.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Nov 2002
Location: Ayer's Cliff, Quebec
Posts: 803
Someone asked if the ad had been removed...............yes it was as soon as he got home and got my message about it having been found.
Talk about setting yourself up for a disaster.
I don't feel so much that I'm the victim here two days later as he is the victim of his own stupid thinking mind, his own SELF-DESTRUCTIVE mind.
I just think it's self-sabotage on his part, I happened to experience the fall-out of this act.
He tried to futilely justify it on Friday but I wasn't accepting any of it. By Saturday morning his tune had changed big time, he said it was totally going out of the boundaries of the relationship which Friday he was trying to tell me it wasn't.
He isn't belligerent or defensive about it, he's accepting the responsibility for being a jerk.
And he does legitimately seem to be very upset about the fact that he hurt me. (I don't think those were crocodile tears on the other end of the phone)
Then he went and talked to somebody who has been sober a long time and they basically told him that it's wrong, not good thinking at all.
I told him it doesn't seem to be a very sober way to be thinking and that possibly he may have been getting a bit complacent in his program which he agrees he has been.
We've been spending a lot of time on the phone since Saturday talking because I'm not there, I'm in Montreal Canada for the Canadian Thanksgiving and he is Vermont. It's probably lucky that we haven't been face to face yet because I probably would have ripped his face off.
Smoke, you amaze me the way you handle things. I wish I had half of your detachment
.
Thanks to everyone who responded to my post.
Ngaire
Talk about setting yourself up for a disaster.
I don't feel so much that I'm the victim here two days later as he is the victim of his own stupid thinking mind, his own SELF-DESTRUCTIVE mind.
I just think it's self-sabotage on his part, I happened to experience the fall-out of this act.
He tried to futilely justify it on Friday but I wasn't accepting any of it. By Saturday morning his tune had changed big time, he said it was totally going out of the boundaries of the relationship which Friday he was trying to tell me it wasn't.
He isn't belligerent or defensive about it, he's accepting the responsibility for being a jerk.
And he does legitimately seem to be very upset about the fact that he hurt me. (I don't think those were crocodile tears on the other end of the phone)
Then he went and talked to somebody who has been sober a long time and they basically told him that it's wrong, not good thinking at all.
I told him it doesn't seem to be a very sober way to be thinking and that possibly he may have been getting a bit complacent in his program which he agrees he has been.
We've been spending a lot of time on the phone since Saturday talking because I'm not there, I'm in Montreal Canada for the Canadian Thanksgiving and he is Vermont. It's probably lucky that we haven't been face to face yet because I probably would have ripped his face off.
Smoke, you amaze me the way you handle things. I wish I had half of your detachment
.Thanks to everyone who responded to my post.
Ngaire
But I'm tryin....
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 8
If he updated the info, he is looking, plain and simple. He was caught.
I know lots of men are just like many of the above posts portray. "they" are always looking for something better. "they" can not be trusted. "they" are all alike. Sorry, and maybe this isn't the right forum or thread for this, but NOT all men are like that. We aren't all in that "they" group. I would never do that to anyone. I have never cheated on anyone I was in a relationship with, ever. And I NEVER would. Doesn't matter what the temptation, what the other woman looked like, or if it was impossible to get caught. I know there are other men like that/me. Yes, if a pretty girl walks by, I might notice. Sue me. I would just as easily "notice" an extremely ugly woman! That doesn't mean anything.
Again, sorry if this is off topic, but I just see so much male bashing here. And I UNDERSTAND that, since most of you are women, and many in bad or abusive relationships. Yes, men are probably more likely to cheat than women. But who are they cheating WITH? I bet 80% of the time the woman they are cheating with are also in a relationship *or* know that the man is. That makes them just as bad. When I was single I had a woman come on to me, and we hooked up, and ended up sleeping together. The next day I found out from her Sister that she was Married! I had no idea, and I NEVER would have gone with her if I had. Honestly that was one of the few one night stands I ever had. Sex means something to me, and maybe I am in the smaller percentage of men AND women on that. Anyway, I didn't want to go off on a rant here. But I come to this forum for help and support just like everyone else. I was always told that this forum, and ALANON, etc, was open to everyone. I feel very outnumbered, as I stated in another thread. I am a man with an alcoholic wife. That makes me a very big minority anywhere. 9 out of 10 women who are married to alcoholics STAY with their husbands. 9 out of 10 men who are married to alcoholics DIVORCE their wives!
For the record, I think your man was dead wrong to do that, and there is no excuse for it. Is it a reason to break up? Thats a decision only you can make. But it's certainly something I think you guys need to talk about and work through. I know if it happened to me, it would take a LONG time before the trust came back. Don't sell yourself short (ANY of you!). There are plenty of GOOD men out there that aren't one of "them". "They" just might be harder to find!
Hope I didn't offend anyone.
I know lots of men are just like many of the above posts portray. "they" are always looking for something better. "they" can not be trusted. "they" are all alike. Sorry, and maybe this isn't the right forum or thread for this, but NOT all men are like that. We aren't all in that "they" group. I would never do that to anyone. I have never cheated on anyone I was in a relationship with, ever. And I NEVER would. Doesn't matter what the temptation, what the other woman looked like, or if it was impossible to get caught. I know there are other men like that/me. Yes, if a pretty girl walks by, I might notice. Sue me. I would just as easily "notice" an extremely ugly woman! That doesn't mean anything.
Again, sorry if this is off topic, but I just see so much male bashing here. And I UNDERSTAND that, since most of you are women, and many in bad or abusive relationships. Yes, men are probably more likely to cheat than women. But who are they cheating WITH? I bet 80% of the time the woman they are cheating with are also in a relationship *or* know that the man is. That makes them just as bad. When I was single I had a woman come on to me, and we hooked up, and ended up sleeping together. The next day I found out from her Sister that she was Married! I had no idea, and I NEVER would have gone with her if I had. Honestly that was one of the few one night stands I ever had. Sex means something to me, and maybe I am in the smaller percentage of men AND women on that. Anyway, I didn't want to go off on a rant here. But I come to this forum for help and support just like everyone else. I was always told that this forum, and ALANON, etc, was open to everyone. I feel very outnumbered, as I stated in another thread. I am a man with an alcoholic wife. That makes me a very big minority anywhere. 9 out of 10 women who are married to alcoholics STAY with their husbands. 9 out of 10 men who are married to alcoholics DIVORCE their wives!
For the record, I think your man was dead wrong to do that, and there is no excuse for it. Is it a reason to break up? Thats a decision only you can make. But it's certainly something I think you guys need to talk about and work through. I know if it happened to me, it would take a LONG time before the trust came back. Don't sell yourself short (ANY of you!). There are plenty of GOOD men out there that aren't one of "them". "They" just might be harder to find!
Hope I didn't offend anyone.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2004
Location: on my way home
Posts: 73
You...know for me...my AH started putting additional hooks out there from day one. For him it was in the name of his counseling background..people would come talk to him about their problems...women would keep coming back and he WAS VERY supportive of them.
I think for some A's its their stability to have someone there to help them look normal...to feel normal...to continue to be in denial...at least that is the way I see it with my A. We have filed for divorce..I am leaving our home in 13 days..he has been actively looking for a new woman to take my place...I thing for now I have stopped taking it personally because I now see it for what it is....him needing to have "someone there". I know he is hurting...but he is so wrapped up in this disease...it has him so strongly...it will be awhile if ever..for him to admit a problem...I just hope for his kids sakes..my sons sake..he doesn't die before he admits it.
It is possible that when you and your A started out..he was still trolling (my name for it)....its kinda like a security blanket..I know mine is afraid to be alone..he would rather be with me...but if not me..he needs someone. If your A is working on sobriety..he might really be facing the hurt he has caused in his actions...just trust your gut..and dont turn a blinds eye...I did not trust my gut for a long time..now my eyes are wide open...my AH will not find recovery anytime soon..I have to face that...and do whats best for me and my son.
Good luck to you...you deserve happiness...and I hope you find a path that helps you get that happiness.
I think for some A's its their stability to have someone there to help them look normal...to feel normal...to continue to be in denial...at least that is the way I see it with my A. We have filed for divorce..I am leaving our home in 13 days..he has been actively looking for a new woman to take my place...I thing for now I have stopped taking it personally because I now see it for what it is....him needing to have "someone there". I know he is hurting...but he is so wrapped up in this disease...it has him so strongly...it will be awhile if ever..for him to admit a problem...I just hope for his kids sakes..my sons sake..he doesn't die before he admits it.
It is possible that when you and your A started out..he was still trolling (my name for it)....its kinda like a security blanket..I know mine is afraid to be alone..he would rather be with me...but if not me..he needs someone. If your A is working on sobriety..he might really be facing the hurt he has caused in his actions...just trust your gut..and dont turn a blinds eye...I did not trust my gut for a long time..now my eyes are wide open...my AH will not find recovery anytime soon..I have to face that...and do whats best for me and my son.
Good luck to you...you deserve happiness...and I hope you find a path that helps you get that happiness.
Member
Join Date: May 2004
Location: England
Posts: 3,410
Cryin'
I'm sorry that you feel like you are being ganged up on. I, for one, realise that not all men act this way and there are lots of good uns out there.
I think the "they" refers to alcoholics, rather than men. It equally applies to women who are alcoholics, but as you say, there are not that many men involved with AWs who have the courage to reach out. Or maybe men have more courage to leave the relationship if it is not working for them. I don't know, I'm just speculating here.
The selfish attitude is the thing that's being attacked, not gender.
Please hang around - this place is for all of us.
Love
Minnie
xx
I'm sorry that you feel like you are being ganged up on. I, for one, realise that not all men act this way and there are lots of good uns out there.
I think the "they" refers to alcoholics, rather than men. It equally applies to women who are alcoholics, but as you say, there are not that many men involved with AWs who have the courage to reach out. Or maybe men have more courage to leave the relationship if it is not working for them. I don't know, I'm just speculating here.
The selfish attitude is the thing that's being attacked, not gender.
Please hang around - this place is for all of us.
Love
Minnie
xx
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: Canada
Posts: 1
As of yet I don't think my AH is doing the singles sites but he is doing the porn sites, which with my lack of self esteem does me know good. I have told him how much it bothers me and hurts me but he keeps doing just like his drinking behind my back. I grew up in a houseful of alcoholics and swore I would never live like that, but here I am. I don't know, it seems that if you truly love your spouse you would do any to make their life happy and fulfilling, instead of hurting them every day. My husbands looks at porn sites everyday, and I can't make him stop. I feel with he wants to sleep with me is he really wanting to be with me or fantasizing about some female from the porn site.
Dardoo
Dardoo
Member
Join Date: Oct 2004
Location: nowheresville
Posts: 872
It's me Myles1. I had to change my I.D to get back on because my computer is screwed up.
We're meeting for supper tonight on neutral ground. I have alot of fears and alot of questions. And I want to give myself time.
My gut feeling is it is his self-destructive thing. It's his way of sabatoging the relationship. But I still have to take care of me.
To the person who wrote about the man bashing, we're talking about A;, this is an Alanon board. Unfortunately most of us seem to be women on here and "THEY" are A's. It's not about man-bashing.
Ngaire
We're meeting for supper tonight on neutral ground. I have alot of fears and alot of questions. And I want to give myself time.
My gut feeling is it is his self-destructive thing. It's his way of sabatoging the relationship. But I still have to take care of me.
To the person who wrote about the man bashing, we're talking about A;, this is an Alanon board. Unfortunately most of us seem to be women on here and "THEY" are A's. It's not about man-bashing.
Ngaire
Member
Join Date: May 2003
Location: Levittown Pennsylvania
Posts: 264
i'll go one step further on the 'they' thing
I can say that when I am speaking of 'they' and 'them', I mean not only 'A's, but A's ones who tend to exhibit the incredible selfishness that has hurt so many of us, while they are wallowing in their denial in one way or another.
There are just so many here that have described a similar collection of behaviors and attitudes that I start to feel I can refer to a 'them' or 'they' rather than just my own personal A.
Really, I know there are great men out there. Maybe I wasn't drawn to them while I was a sick little codie, or maybe I didn't think one would want me. I am still learning about what led me to embracing, and then remaining in, a relationship with my A at all.
But I am no longer with my A at all, and I have been more recently involved with a very nice guy. A good man and a friend. I have no trust issues with him, but then again he is no way like the 'they' of my past. I have changed myself and that has led me to seek a different kind of man.
I am so sorry if any of my comments made anyone feel bashed. My ex AH is the only one I ever wanted to bash -- in more ways than one!
There are just so many here that have described a similar collection of behaviors and attitudes that I start to feel I can refer to a 'them' or 'they' rather than just my own personal A.
Really, I know there are great men out there. Maybe I wasn't drawn to them while I was a sick little codie, or maybe I didn't think one would want me. I am still learning about what led me to embracing, and then remaining in, a relationship with my A at all.
But I am no longer with my A at all, and I have been more recently involved with a very nice guy. A good man and a friend. I have no trust issues with him, but then again he is no way like the 'they' of my past. I have changed myself and that has led me to seek a different kind of man.
I am so sorry if any of my comments made anyone feel bashed. My ex AH is the only one I ever wanted to bash -- in more ways than one!
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