Kw0920

Hi All~
My AH messaged me this morning (after I asked him to leave last night) to say "I just went and ate dinner then slept in my truck. I will message later"
I answered back and let him know that I am sorry that it has come to this and that if we were both being honest with each other...the writing has been on the wall a long time and that we have really just been going through the motions...circling around each other ...trying not to hurt each other's feelings. That he could come get what he needed from the house (as long as we aren't home). I told him it was up to him if he wanted to attend little one's allergy shot appt. tomorrow. I also told him I loved him...always have always will but that i needed to love myself more right now. I asked him to please get the help he needs and that his happiness is in his hands and that he has all the power to go grab it...
I feel strong...and lighter ....and it feels so good right now. I have been living with the horrible feelings of staying with him...of living the way we have been...of watching myself isolate...keep secrets...pretend...and now I feel that i can escape....that I can and will heal...and that i am stepping forward in the right direction...and it feels so good...
I know what my triggers of him are and i know i no longer want to live the way i was living....
I will with your help...with my family's help...keep walking forward...
xo

MyLoves

big big hugs for you Kw0920. sending the message you did was a huge step for you and a huge step in the right direction.

you are 100% doing the right thing for you and your children - and it takes a lot of strength to stick to your guns but you sound like me - once your mind is made up, that's it, it's done.

i am sorry that it has come to this for your family, but better now then sticking around to deal with the same crap for the next 5yrs.

Kw0920

So true....looking at it the past couple weeks I knew deep down that this was not going to end well...and you are right...Once my mind is made up...pretty much that is that..thanks

Maudcat

Good for you. Keep those boundaries strong!

dailystruggle1

Maudcat... I have just had one whole day without contact. It's funny how I was so strong to say 'no more' for 8 months and start moving on to now feeling like I have been abandoned and world turned upside down... How on earth does that happen??!!

On here though I know I am not the only one and although I feel like I'm bugging everyone with indecision and feelings of 'woe is me' it's comforting to know that despite my irrational thoughts, other people have managed to come out the other side. Maybe tomorrow i can go through another day.

dailystruggle1

And well done Kw0920 - you did it!

Kw0920

Thank you...and keeping the boundaries all day...GO ME

NYCDoglvr

You're taking huge steps and the right ones to get your life back. I suggest blocking his calls/texts, at least not responding to them. A big hug.

Kw0920

Yes..thank you again...not blocking...but not responding. Did for a little while today ....until it got "weird"....no feeling in them though...i did good...and it might come to that for sure....blocking i mean...but i can now tell that he is drinking...just because i know him that well...so now I have stopped responding...thanks again...will need you all for the next few weeks...

Praying

Keep paying attention to that "light" feeling...if things get tough, remember how good that felt, because that's your future. Might be some tough times getting there, but you can have that feeling ALL THE TIME. Well, most of the time.