A newbie looking for help
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Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1
A newbie looking for help
Hi everyone,
I was trying to keep this short but looking back it's quite an essay! Sorry!
I am only twenty as is my partner who I have been with for two and a half years and at the beginning of our relationship I have never met such a perfect guy. Caring, loving, kind, down to earth everything I have ever wanted in a partner. I moved in with him and his family very quickly and I couldn't of been a happier person.
I have always been aware he enjoys a drink over our time together but only in the last year things have taken a turn for the worst.
Alcohol became his best friend and nothing seemed to matter apart from going down to his local and drinking until he couldn't drink anymore. He wouldn't turn up for work and I would get phone calls asking where he was which I couldn't give an answer. He would disappear for days and then re appear like nothing had happened. I would get abuse shouted at me that I was fat or ugly just nasty things to hurt me. if I tried to stop him from going out or I would be told I'm to controlling and I was being unreasonable and he wasn't doing anything wrong.
He is aware of his issues and time and time again he will change and put me first. He says he understand how I feel and he feels bad for what he's doing to me but nothing changed.
His home environment is not the best for him and I believe his issues stems from that. His mother is an alcoholic and his sister has a drug problem.
In January he took a job and moved away from home and told me that this would make him better. And in fact it did, although we didn't see each other for 15weeks and he wasn't allowed to drink due to his job role we were back to normal happy and smiley having phone calls everyday and texting. He is in the same job now and comes home every weekend.
In February he lost a family member he considered to be his best friend which I can completely understand the affect that could have on someone. However when he did start coming home the drinking got worse and worse like we had taken 100 steps back. the Friday he came home he would be straight in the pub and then the Saturday night and the Sunday afternoon. He can't go into the pub and have one or two drinks he doesn't seem to be able to stop once he has one. You can imagine the effect this has on our relationship as all week I miss him and can't wait to see him and he plans all these things were going to do and is so loving in the week and the second he is home he turns to alcohol and will not speak to me and will ignore me and lie to me about where he is.
This is now a constant pattern and I'm so hurt and rejected and I explain time and time again how I feel and he will explains he's depressed and the drinking is the only thing that gets him through the bad times and I just feel helpless I've tried everything taking him away for the weekend or suggesting going out and doing other things but he just gets angry or crys because he wants to get drunk and I am to controlling and he wants his space to do what he wants to do and he will see me the next day but obviously never does just carrys on this drinking pattern.
I feel that as we don't see each other in the week and we have three days together I should be a priority and he would want to see me and spend time with me instead of spending money he hasn't got or getting loans out to drink. .
I guess I'm just asking does it get better or can it get better or has anyone just got any advice? I am at breaking point as I miss my partner both physically when he's away and emotionally the person he used to be. All he says is he will change but he doesn't know how. He's still there deep down as on Sunday he turned up at my work with flowers and apologies yet again but how many times can you forgive someone and how many times can they keep doing the same thing to you. I am so desperate for help and I don't know where to turn anymore.
xxx
I was trying to keep this short but looking back it's quite an essay! Sorry!
I am only twenty as is my partner who I have been with for two and a half years and at the beginning of our relationship I have never met such a perfect guy. Caring, loving, kind, down to earth everything I have ever wanted in a partner. I moved in with him and his family very quickly and I couldn't of been a happier person.
I have always been aware he enjoys a drink over our time together but only in the last year things have taken a turn for the worst.
Alcohol became his best friend and nothing seemed to matter apart from going down to his local and drinking until he couldn't drink anymore. He wouldn't turn up for work and I would get phone calls asking where he was which I couldn't give an answer. He would disappear for days and then re appear like nothing had happened. I would get abuse shouted at me that I was fat or ugly just nasty things to hurt me. if I tried to stop him from going out or I would be told I'm to controlling and I was being unreasonable and he wasn't doing anything wrong.
He is aware of his issues and time and time again he will change and put me first. He says he understand how I feel and he feels bad for what he's doing to me but nothing changed.
His home environment is not the best for him and I believe his issues stems from that. His mother is an alcoholic and his sister has a drug problem.
In January he took a job and moved away from home and told me that this would make him better. And in fact it did, although we didn't see each other for 15weeks and he wasn't allowed to drink due to his job role we were back to normal happy and smiley having phone calls everyday and texting. He is in the same job now and comes home every weekend.
In February he lost a family member he considered to be his best friend which I can completely understand the affect that could have on someone. However when he did start coming home the drinking got worse and worse like we had taken 100 steps back. the Friday he came home he would be straight in the pub and then the Saturday night and the Sunday afternoon. He can't go into the pub and have one or two drinks he doesn't seem to be able to stop once he has one. You can imagine the effect this has on our relationship as all week I miss him and can't wait to see him and he plans all these things were going to do and is so loving in the week and the second he is home he turns to alcohol and will not speak to me and will ignore me and lie to me about where he is.
This is now a constant pattern and I'm so hurt and rejected and I explain time and time again how I feel and he will explains he's depressed and the drinking is the only thing that gets him through the bad times and I just feel helpless I've tried everything taking him away for the weekend or suggesting going out and doing other things but he just gets angry or crys because he wants to get drunk and I am to controlling and he wants his space to do what he wants to do and he will see me the next day but obviously never does just carrys on this drinking pattern.
I feel that as we don't see each other in the week and we have three days together I should be a priority and he would want to see me and spend time with me instead of spending money he hasn't got or getting loans out to drink. .
I guess I'm just asking does it get better or can it get better or has anyone just got any advice? I am at breaking point as I miss my partner both physically when he's away and emotionally the person he used to be. All he says is he will change but he doesn't know how. He's still there deep down as on Sunday he turned up at my work with flowers and apologies yet again but how many times can you forgive someone and how many times can they keep doing the same thing to you. I am so desperate for help and I don't know where to turn anymore.
xxx
Member
Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,792
You've been together since you were 17-1/2. I'll bet he is your first love. At your age 2-1/2 years also represents a HUGE percentage of your life.
Your partner is displaying all the symptoms of alcoholism. There is nothing you can do about it, except help yourself.
His job taking him away is a good thing. this will give you a better chance of seeing things objectively and starting your own recovery. Yes, YOU need recovery too. Try an AlAnon meeting in your area.
I am glad you reached out here as well. We are here for you.
Your partner is displaying all the symptoms of alcoholism. There is nothing you can do about it, except help yourself.
His job taking him away is a good thing. this will give you a better chance of seeing things objectively and starting your own recovery. Yes, YOU need recovery too. Try an AlAnon meeting in your area.
I am glad you reached out here as well. We are here for you.
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