10 beers a night for 25 years, not an alcoholic?
Member
Join Date: May 2016
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 179
Originally Posted by Ariesagain 
See, this is how clueless I am about beer, sorry.
Either way...60 beers in 3 days is 20 a day, not 10, right? Even if it's for 4 days...15.
I'm probably not helping, but I feel bad that you're being labeled the Family Alcoholic while everyone is ignoring the elephant in the room. Families are so good at that.
Either way...60 beers in 3 days is 20 a day, not 10, right? Even if it's for 4 days...15.
I'm probably not helping, but I feel bad that you're being labeled the Family Alcoholic while everyone is ignoring the elephant in the room. Families are so good at that.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 144
As weird as it sounds some people can be really heavy drinkers and their lives don't become unmanageable. It doesn't sound like your Dad has lived any consequences to his drinking and he may never.
All you can do is focus on you.
All you can do is focus on you.
Originally Posted by behindblueyes
Yesterday, my family had a huge 4th of July picnic.
I am not on great terms with my family due to my drinking and recent trouble with the law. However, I am sober. I do not count days. I count and all the sudden I get cocky and think I should celebrate. Happens every time.
Anyway, my dad started drinking at 4pm. Actually, probably earlier because I got there at 4 with my child and he was already with beer in hand. At one point in the night, he was lighting off very expensive large fireworks after at least 5 beers. Only reason I knew, is because every time I heard the crack of another can, I had a mini-panic attack and wanted it away from me.
At one point, my mom asked me to help me pack him a cooler for the back yard. (he does this for faster access). She admitted he had bought 2 cases of beer for himself just for the 4th. He has been drinking over 10 beers a night for over 20+ years but his drinking has never gotten worse, he has never been in trouble at work, and so on.
I wonder how this is possible. My drinking escalated from ugly to worse over a 10 year period but he still gets up at 5am every morning and goes to work. I have been fired from multiple jobs and so on. I just wonder if someone can drink this hard and never be hungover or still drunk in the morning? Won't he eventually get worse? Thanks all.
I am not on great terms with my family due to my drinking and recent trouble with the law. However, I am sober. I do not count days. I count and all the sudden I get cocky and think I should celebrate. Happens every time.
Anyway, my dad started drinking at 4pm. Actually, probably earlier because I got there at 4 with my child and he was already with beer in hand. At one point in the night, he was lighting off very expensive large fireworks after at least 5 beers. Only reason I knew, is because every time I heard the crack of another can, I had a mini-panic attack and wanted it away from me.
At one point, my mom asked me to help me pack him a cooler for the back yard. (he does this for faster access). She admitted he had bought 2 cases of beer for himself just for the 4th. He has been drinking over 10 beers a night for over 20+ years but his drinking has never gotten worse, he has never been in trouble at work, and so on.
I wonder how this is possible. My drinking escalated from ugly to worse over a 10 year period but he still gets up at 5am every morning and goes to work. I have been fired from multiple jobs and so on. I just wonder if someone can drink this hard and never be hungover or still drunk in the morning? Won't he eventually get worse? Thanks all.
torquemax777
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Montrose CO
Posts: 350
They teach in alcohol classes (even jr high health class) that one beer=one shot -and amount of alcohol. So really, alcoholics who think they're "lessening" there intake by switching to beer are sadly misinformed.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Mmmmmm
Posts: 3,178
Blue Eyes, have you looked in on ACOA? Their Laundry List might help you view your family interactions in a different way.
I wish your mom and you healing!!
My H played all kinds of games with himself with beer. To this day, he has a certain intensity about popping a can that is ingrained. I understand now that sound has so much significance. Now my H drinks sparkling water though and was excited to find La Croix in 15 packs at Aldis this past week. He is also so accustomed to shopping every night that he just now subs his stop for sparkling water. It works for him.
I wish your mom and you healing!!
My H played all kinds of games with himself with beer. To this day, he has a certain intensity about popping a can that is ingrained. I understand now that sound has so much significance. Now my H drinks sparkling water though and was excited to find La Croix in 15 packs at Aldis this past week. He is also so accustomed to shopping every night that he just now subs his stop for sparkling water. It works for him.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 341
No one else can help because I can't get down the stairs to unlock the door. 14 steps and I have stitches and a rod up thru my knee.
My mom is the only one with a key and my dad has made sure to separate us as much as possible as she does what he says all the time, when he says it, and as fast as possible.
I try to get up but when I do I have awful pain. I will be NWB (non weight bearing) for 2-3 months.
My mom is the only one with a key and my dad has made sure to separate us as much as possible as she does what he says all the time, when he says it, and as fast as possible.
I try to get up but when I do I have awful pain. I will be NWB (non weight bearing) for 2-3 months.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Posts: 60
Originally Posted by behindblueyes
No one else can help because I can't get down the stairs to unlock the door. 14 steps and I have stitches and a rod up thru my knee.
My mom is the only one with a key and my dad has made sure to separate us as much as possible as she does what he says all the time, when he says it, and as fast as possible.
I try to get up but when I do I have awful pain. I will be NWB (non weight bearing) for 2-3 months.
My mom is the only one with a key and my dad has made sure to separate us as much as possible as she does what he says all the time, when he says it, and as fast as possible.
I try to get up but when I do I have awful pain. I will be NWB (non weight bearing) for 2-3 months.
Is there anything your doctor/medical team can do to help? It sounds like you need a visiting nurse or home health aid to look in on you. I don't know how I would get by in your situation and I would feel very uneasy relying on these people. Sending strength to you.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Originally Posted by behindblueyes
No one else can help because I can't get down the stairs to unlock the door. 14 steps and I have stitches and a rod up thru my knee.
My mom is the only one with a key and my dad has made sure to separate us as much as possible as she does what he says all the time, when he says it, and as fast as possible.
I try to get up but when I do I have awful pain. I will be NWB (non weight bearing) for 2-3 months.
My mom is the only one with a key and my dad has made sure to separate us as much as possible as she does what he says all the time, when he says it, and as fast as possible.
I try to get up but when I do I have awful pain. I will be NWB (non weight bearing) for 2-3 months.
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,393
Your dad sounds like a horrible person. It's one thing to hate your own son, but to use your Mother as a pawn to punish you to-boot is just plain awful. If you're in this condition for the next 2-3 months, you really need to find another arrangement so as not to depend on either parent. Can you bite the bullet and get downstairs and get a hospital bed and a home care nurse to visit?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 341
I did have the option of a home care nurse. I realized very quickly I can't get down those steps to let anyone in. When I came home, I laid on the concrete street-steps for 10 minutes crying because I had made it up one step, couldn't drag my new leg with pins up another, couldn't stand, and was just completely stuck there in horrible pain with all the neighbors watching.
The program included someone coming in also to do physical therapy and manipulation of my leg/knee. I'll be damned if someone is touching me and jerking this thing around with zero meds. I canceled the program before it even began.
I don't even know if it was covered under insurance. Im pretty sure my employer is also finished with me. So, I can't be taking any risks with medical bills at all if I have no job+benefits. Sorry to ramble on. I threw myself into the bathtub yesterday and did it myself. It was hard but not as difficult as all those stairs are. Good thing is that I have zero access to alcohol, have no one to get it, and this will be the longest sober streak I'll probably ever have!
The program included someone coming in also to do physical therapy and manipulation of my leg/knee. I'll be damned if someone is touching me and jerking this thing around with zero meds. I canceled the program before it even began.
I don't even know if it was covered under insurance. Im pretty sure my employer is also finished with me. So, I can't be taking any risks with medical bills at all if I have no job+benefits. Sorry to ramble on. I threw myself into the bathtub yesterday and did it myself. It was hard but not as difficult as all those stairs are. Good thing is that I have zero access to alcohol, have no one to get it, and this will be the longest sober streak I'll probably ever have!
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Join Date: Sep 2014
Posts: 1,792
"How can his hatred for me be so bad that he sends his sick wife up the stairs and makes her hurry up just to spite me?"...
They tell us in the programs to not take this stuff personally, as difficult as that sounds.
It seems he is being hateful to your Mom as well, sending her up the stairs like that.
So sorry you are going through this!!!!
They tell us in the programs to not take this stuff personally, as difficult as that sounds.
It seems he is being hateful to your Mom as well, sending her up the stairs like that.
So sorry you are going through this!!!!
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Join Date: Apr 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 6,902
Active alcoholics are childish and selfish to the extreme. They out their WANT ovr and above other peoples NEED. His reactions and behaviour are fairly typical, and don't even mean that he hates you to be honest. He probably doesn't want you giving your mum and 'crazy ' ideas about him being an alcoholic at the moment, and is peeved that his pet slave isn't only off-kilter but also sharing the small amount of energy she has with other people rather than running herself ragged after him.
Did the hospital explain how important exercises and manipulation are to aiding recovery? Painful or not, opting out of them really could affect you getting better quite adversely. I hope you decide to at least give them a few goes.
Did the hospital explain how important exercises and manipulation are to aiding recovery? Painful or not, opting out of them really could affect you getting better quite adversely. I hope you decide to at least give them a few goes.
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Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Reno, NV
Posts: 31
My ABF also drank everyday for the last 10+ years. Never got fired from his job. He would come home from work and start throwing the beers back. Things would get mean/ugly. He would pass out and wake up to his alarm going off for work and just go in. He did however, get the shakes and see hallucinations at work. I think some people are just better at hiding it than others.
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Join Date: Aug 2009
Posts: 3,443
My ex binge drank when we were first together and that changed to daily drinking and he did that until the end of our marriage. It started slow and he had spells of hardly any drinking (like when our babies were born) but eventually he went to sleep drinking, woke up at night to drink, drank before work, at every family event, every time he got in his truck he drank. He just drank every day - over a case at the end. We never fought. He never had a dui or even a speeding ticket. He never got in trouble at work. He did not have health problems yet. He had friends, family, job, home, cable tv and a presumably normal life - and me to hold it all together. I filed for divorce and the wheels fell off the bus. He was fired, in and out of rehab/detox, without a job for long periods, didn't last at his new 'dream job' for two weeks, homeless, and a complete disaster. When the money from the divorce settlement ran out he finally checked into a long term rehab and spent two years in an inpatient treatment setting to stop drinking and address his other issues. So yes - people can go a very long time being propped up by other people. I also spent most of my late teens and all of my 20's drinking far more than 10 beers a day most days and it got me in trouble but I dodged that addiction bullet and I simply stopped the craziness when I had better things to do. Unfortunately one of those things was marry an alcoholic. I was worse than him probably but he couldn't stop. He wasn't lucky enough to dodge the addiction bullet. It's hard to know what is going on with other people.
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Join Date: Jul 2016
Location: Wareham, Mass
Posts: 7,067
My dad was a heavy drinker--I would say he was alcohol-dependent--for all of his adult life. Never missed work because of it. We all wondered if his drinking would escalate after he retired. To my surprise, it didn't. In fact, in his later years he could hardly finish a can of beer. He said it didn't taste good anymore. He died at 84 from complications from emphysema. So..you never know how things are going to go.
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Join Date: Aug 2016
Location: Reno, NV
Posts: 31
My dad is the same as your dad. I'm so FREAKING GLAD that I moved out. But, I remember him coming home from work every night and making himself a whiskey & coke. My sister and I would be playing and out of NO WHERE he would just start yelling. And he would give us terrible punishments for things that every kid does. Specifically, one time I gave my sister a boost to get the cookies from on top the fridge. We both had some and my dad walked in, we were grounded for A MONTH!!!! No leaving our room for a month... Who does that? If you didn't want kids, why did you have them?????
He would do the same thing to my mom, wouldn't let her come hang out with us in the room. As soon as she came to check in, he would call her out for one thing or another.
Whenever she went out to get groceries/go shopping, she had to be home before he got home or all Hell would break loose. And honestly, there's nothing you can do about it until she decides enough is enough. She probably feels really guilty and torn between you and your father. But, again there is nothing you can do.
Sending love and happy thoughts your way.
He would do the same thing to my mom, wouldn't let her come hang out with us in the room. As soon as she came to check in, he would call her out for one thing or another.
Whenever she went out to get groceries/go shopping, she had to be home before he got home or all Hell would break loose. And honestly, there's nothing you can do about it until she decides enough is enough. She probably feels really guilty and torn between you and your father. But, again there is nothing you can do.
Sending love and happy thoughts your way.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2012
Posts: 341
Yea I remember the punishments for no reason. He would just start screaming and hitting us. Beating us really.
His favorite name for me was "trash". Meanwhile, I was a 15 year old honor roll student, with a job, never out doing anything wrong. If I wasn't in school I was working. Missed both proms to work. I would lie in bed as he told my mom what a loser I was.
My mom's excuse was that he "didn't want any more kids" after he left the one he said was an "accident" before marrying her.
I remained an honor roll student through school. He never came to my high school graduation when I was a letterman. I was also involved in musicals, was in many competitions and danced for 15 years. He paid for the lessons but didn't go to the recitals.
I agree. If you don't want kids why have them? Every picture of us as a family is so fake.
Im not allowed to talk to my mom when he is off work. I asked her to come over tomorrow and he is off so she said "well you know your dad so..." When he retires I guess I'll never see her again. She even said that yesterday. I used to be the "trash" of the family, now Im the "alcoholic trash". He absolutely worships my brother even though he has 2 DUIs. Good Luck to you all.
His favorite name for me was "trash". Meanwhile, I was a 15 year old honor roll student, with a job, never out doing anything wrong. If I wasn't in school I was working. Missed both proms to work. I would lie in bed as he told my mom what a loser I was.
My mom's excuse was that he "didn't want any more kids" after he left the one he said was an "accident" before marrying her.
I remained an honor roll student through school. He never came to my high school graduation when I was a letterman. I was also involved in musicals, was in many competitions and danced for 15 years. He paid for the lessons but didn't go to the recitals.
I agree. If you don't want kids why have them? Every picture of us as a family is so fake.
Im not allowed to talk to my mom when he is off work. I asked her to come over tomorrow and he is off so she said "well you know your dad so..." When he retires I guess I'll never see her again. She even said that yesterday. I used to be the "trash" of the family, now Im the "alcoholic trash". He absolutely worships my brother even though he has 2 DUIs. Good Luck to you all.
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
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I am so sorry, BBE. Your "father" actually sounds mentally ill. And shame on your mother, but she's probably just so beat down and mentally (physically?) abused by him, too. Hang in there. I hope your leg heals up quickly and nicely and you don't need to be near either one of them, actually.
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