hope778

Nowhere to go but up from here. That doesn't mean you will go up right away. I really liked Dandylion's timeline post because our emotions really cloud our rational perspective, and that helped lay it out for me. I believe it does get better too, although I am not anywhere near that point either. I believe it because those who have walked before us have made it. You will not be an exception. You will get past this. God I know it doesn't feel like it now. But I know you will.

Ariesagain

My last week has been a blur, but you had a text conversation with him just a few days ago, yes?

It makes it worse again. I know it's counterintuitive and all that, but you just re-up your grieving process every time you make contact.

I get it, I really do...it's like you're hurting so much and you just want to talk to your best friend...except that he was your best friend, at least on the outside. Addicts do a fantastic job of ensuring that level of emotional connection and dependence because their lives literally depend on it. Enablers make it all so much easier.

So try to dust yourself off and recognize you had a slip and it's why you're hurting again so much now. We've all done it...I told mine that I still loved him the night after he showed up after a year of no contact...he just walked out one night and drove back to his place and wouldn't answer his phone all night...and some time the next morning I finally, finally after two years of being jerked around I FINALLY got enough self-respect not to contact him.

So a year went by. He showed up. I made an ass of myself, especially since he didn't even apologize or explain. But two weeks later I told him to get lost and I'm so so glad I did.

No contact. It will make it easier to see things clearly later.

P.S. Mine sent me a birthday card two years later...he was engaged at the time. Nice, eh?

Bekindalways

I hope you are finding the steps and sponsor helpful LK. And we can all attest that you are posting here regularly.

Keep putting together those grieving days. I like to think that the more the days hurt the more they count towards getting through the grieving. (I have no idea if this is true, it just makes me feel better about feeling like crap.)

sosadandhurt

I guess that is why so many of us just stay in the relationships. If it takes a year to get back to feeling like a human again, it seems easier to just stay. At least it feels like living. Sad, but I think that is why so many of us are stuck in the pain and hurt. I hate this trying to get past the breakup mess. But, I hated being stuck in the relationship too. Gosh it is a doubled edged sword!!!!