Not How It Should End
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Join Date: Dec 2015
Posts: 144
(((((((((((My Sympathies))))))))))))
Originally Posted by freefinally 
Very long time, no post. I've had an on/off relationship with an alcoholic BF for many years. Long story short we were living together the last 3 1/2 years until I kicked him out last Tgiving due to his drinking. However, we still kept in touch & saw each other occasionally even though we were apart. He visited here last week & we made plans to vacation together next month.
Yesterday I had two calls from his mom & thought it was just her dialing in error but I decided to call her to see what was up because ABF and I hadn't spoken since Sun & whenever I called I just got voicemail.
She tells me that she found ABF dead earlier yesterday I was just stunned. IDK what cause of death is but his mom is of the opinion it was a heart attack. He was cold when she found him. IDK if an autopsy is scheduled but am curious if the drinking was a contributing factor.
During our last visit I noticed his hands shaking but when I mentioned it, he denied that it was happening. In any case whatever the cause it won't bring him back.
I am heartbroken & sad that this is how things ended. We still have unfinished business! I have some of his belongings around my house. I grieve for him, our relationship & his family. Vent over.
Yesterday I had two calls from his mom & thought it was just her dialing in error but I decided to call her to see what was up because ABF and I hadn't spoken since Sun & whenever I called I just got voicemail.
She tells me that she found ABF dead earlier yesterday I was just stunned. IDK what cause of death is but his mom is of the opinion it was a heart attack. He was cold when she found him. IDK if an autopsy is scheduled but am curious if the drinking was a contributing factor.
During our last visit I noticed his hands shaking but when I mentioned it, he denied that it was happening. In any case whatever the cause it won't bring him back.
I am heartbroken & sad that this is how things ended. We still have unfinished business! I have some of his belongings around my house. I grieve for him, our relationship & his family. Vent over.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 7
Not How It Should End - Update - The Funeral
Yesterday was ABF's funeral. I handled it pretty well only having to leave a couple of times during the service to keep it together. I finally met ABF's son which I was very happy about. He hugged me & thanked me for being there for his father these last years. While speaking with the son I saw my"support person" (hereafter called SP) make a face at something I said but which conveyed that I did/said something wrong.
At the end of the service it was announced that there would be a luncheon. I was surprised as I had been told that there would not be one.
I decided I wanted to attend although SP strongly tried to dissuade me.
The experience was absolutely horrendous. SP refused to go inside the restaurant instead sitting in the car texting & calling me saying we needed to leave, I was making a fool of myself, did not belong there, was not wanted, that I reeked of desperation, was trying to hold onto ABF through his mother, I didn't know anyone there & no one knew who I was was, I only went to talk to his children & former wife, it was awkward, I was acting as my Nmom would, SP texted her SO saying I was being a leech....
There's a lot more but in the end SP came in & literally dragged me out of the restaurant while I was speaking with ABF's sister in law & cousin. I was not even able to say farewell to ABF's family especially his mother who had always supported our relationship.
Needless to say it was a very tense five hour ride home. When I said SP had bad manners, I was told I had bad manners for being there when I was not wanted it & it was not good for me to be there. Mind you, I was mentioned in the obit as a friend! I told SP that I was furious that the final goodbye to my friend of 30 years had been what SP wanted not what I wanted. I feel cheated, sad, empty & lost.
So he's gone and it's not the way it should have ended.
At the end of the service it was announced that there would be a luncheon. I was surprised as I had been told that there would not be one.
I decided I wanted to attend although SP strongly tried to dissuade me.
The experience was absolutely horrendous. SP refused to go inside the restaurant instead sitting in the car texting & calling me saying we needed to leave, I was making a fool of myself, did not belong there, was not wanted, that I reeked of desperation, was trying to hold onto ABF through his mother, I didn't know anyone there & no one knew who I was was, I only went to talk to his children & former wife, it was awkward, I was acting as my Nmom would, SP texted her SO saying I was being a leech....
There's a lot more but in the end SP came in & literally dragged me out of the restaurant while I was speaking with ABF's sister in law & cousin. I was not even able to say farewell to ABF's family especially his mother who had always supported our relationship.
Needless to say it was a very tense five hour ride home. When I said SP had bad manners, I was told I had bad manners for being there when I was not wanted it & it was not good for me to be there. Mind you, I was mentioned in the obit as a friend! I told SP that I was furious that the final goodbye to my friend of 30 years had been what SP wanted not what I wanted. I feel cheated, sad, empty & lost.
So he's gone and it's not the way it should have ended.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,781
I'm even MORE sorry about the experience you had at the service - it sounds like it would have/could have provided some very much-needed closure for you & end up being very healing for you personally. It's too bad that your SP couldn't step back from their own opinions & judgments to see that. 
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