He officially moved out
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 157
He officially moved out
Well, it's been 2 months since STBXAH and I decided to divorce and this entire time, we've been co-existing in the house together, overall doing a pretty good job of it. Well, tonight after giving our son a bath, he hugged him goodbye to go spend the first night in his apartment. I've been waiting for this day for awhile, but when he said goodbye to our son, I could hear STBXAH's voice crack and the tears he was holding back. Once the door closed behind him, I broke down. I guess this just makes it so real now.
Not sure if I mentioned it, but or not, but STBXAH was officially charged with his DUI from January. He refused the breathalyzers so he had his blood taken at the hospital and probably 4 hours had passed since his last drink, but he was still about double the legal limit AND over the limit for THC (marijuana is legal in our state, but you still get charged with a DUI.) He received his decision on his administrative hearing for his 1-year license suspension (for refusing the breathalyzer). I didn't ask him what it said, but I assume the suspension was upheld and he'll be forced to get an ignition interlock device for the next year because he didn't tell me otherwise.
I've been working hard on minding my own business. (Hence not asking about his hearing decision.) Not sure if he's drinking at all, but he told me the other night that he hasn't smoked marijuana for 6 days. I asked him why and he said a number of reasons, but then he mentioned he will have to do a drug test for his alcohol eval for the DUI. No mention of how long he's gone without drinking though.
I'm so tired of trying to figure out what he's thinking. The other day, he had gone to the store and I had taken the kids to the park and we happened to be right behind him on the way home. He turned left on a street and then didn't come home for 30 minutes or so. I asked him where he went and his response was just that he didn't feel like coming home so he drove around for awhile. It's behavior like this I struggled with throughout our relationship (not JUST the drinking). Whether he was driving around, drinking, smoking or visiting a prostitute...he was living his own separate life. And I just got tired of it all.
A couple nights ago, after he had moved some stuff into his apartment, again, he had been gone for a long time. He told me he had spent some time crying at his apartment. He said he had worked so hard and sacrificed so much and now he's left with all this and a crappy apartment (I'm keeping the house, mostly because the large down payment was made with my own separate funds.) I didn't respond, but was thinking in my head, "what sacrifice?" I mean, yes, he's been a good provider and had a successful career, but I wouldn't really say he sacrificed much doing that. Anyways, just an observation.
After I got over the initial sadness tonight, a weird sense of calmness came over me though. It's like I can finally breathe. I have A LOT of work to do on myself, but I think getting him out of the house was kind of the last piece in my "new life." Thanks for reading.
Not sure if I mentioned it, but or not, but STBXAH was officially charged with his DUI from January. He refused the breathalyzers so he had his blood taken at the hospital and probably 4 hours had passed since his last drink, but he was still about double the legal limit AND over the limit for THC (marijuana is legal in our state, but you still get charged with a DUI.) He received his decision on his administrative hearing for his 1-year license suspension (for refusing the breathalyzer). I didn't ask him what it said, but I assume the suspension was upheld and he'll be forced to get an ignition interlock device for the next year because he didn't tell me otherwise.
I've been working hard on minding my own business. (Hence not asking about his hearing decision.) Not sure if he's drinking at all, but he told me the other night that he hasn't smoked marijuana for 6 days. I asked him why and he said a number of reasons, but then he mentioned he will have to do a drug test for his alcohol eval for the DUI. No mention of how long he's gone without drinking though.
I'm so tired of trying to figure out what he's thinking. The other day, he had gone to the store and I had taken the kids to the park and we happened to be right behind him on the way home. He turned left on a street and then didn't come home for 30 minutes or so. I asked him where he went and his response was just that he didn't feel like coming home so he drove around for awhile. It's behavior like this I struggled with throughout our relationship (not JUST the drinking). Whether he was driving around, drinking, smoking or visiting a prostitute...he was living his own separate life. And I just got tired of it all.
A couple nights ago, after he had moved some stuff into his apartment, again, he had been gone for a long time. He told me he had spent some time crying at his apartment. He said he had worked so hard and sacrificed so much and now he's left with all this and a crappy apartment (I'm keeping the house, mostly because the large down payment was made with my own separate funds.) I didn't respond, but was thinking in my head, "what sacrifice?" I mean, yes, he's been a good provider and had a successful career, but I wouldn't really say he sacrificed much doing that. Anyways, just an observation.
After I got over the initial sadness tonight, a weird sense of calmness came over me though. It's like I can finally breathe. I have A LOT of work to do on myself, but I think getting him out of the house was kind of the last piece in my "new life." Thanks for reading.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
I knew you'd start feeling better when he was out. Now, you can expect moments of sadness, of missing him, of feeling at loose ends now and then, but they will pass. This is a time of transition, but I think you're well up to it.
Hugs, and congrats on reclaiming your peace!
Hugs, and congrats on reclaiming your peace!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,009
Jada what a huge step and a super, super hard step.. I hope that the peace in your life grows as you heal and grieve. Also hope you manage to stop thinking about what he is doing - not easy.
Do what you can to take care of yourself and your child: eat well, stay hydrated and get some exercise (even if the exercise is just a couple of rounds of Getcha with your child - if he/she is that age)
Do what you can to take care of yourself and your child: eat well, stay hydrated and get some exercise (even if the exercise is just a couple of rounds of Getcha with your child - if he/she is that age)
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
jada, I felt that same sense of peace too. It's so hard and so painful to get to the point where the A is OUT, but having the time, energy, space and perspective it gives you is priceless.
I wish you strength and clarity as you continue to find your path.
I wish you strength and clarity as you continue to find your path.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
Posts: 2,393
Jada when I read the part where he said how much he sacrificed, I kind of choked a little bit lol. Perhaps he was choking up about how he "sacrificed" his family for the high?! That would be more like it. I wish you much peace and happiness in your new future!
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
Posts: 2,872
^ ha! Refiner, I did the same thing....Jada, my then husband used to drunkenly scream to me, "all I do is stuff for you, I do everything for y'all-y'all matter the most to me".....uh huh. I think he was talking to his FOO and his beer can in his head. Anyhoo...
Jada-I'm glad you are feeling some peace abd calm-you definitely deserve it. Please keep us updated! I'm sending you big hugs and prayers for peace and quiet
Jada-I'm glad you are feeling some peace abd calm-you definitely deserve it. Please keep us updated! I'm sending you big hugs and prayers for peace and quiet
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Posts: 397
Thanks for this post! Wishing you the best. My ex will be out of my house in 27 days and while I can't wait, I know I will have moments of sadness too.
But I am looking forward the the calm and peace that will be restored to my life. And given to my son's life as well.
But I am looking forward the the calm and peace that will be restored to my life. And given to my son's life as well.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
Jada,
It has been a long road, and you have made it.
I also choked at all the sacrifices that our a's always make for their families. It is mind boggling, after what they all put us through. The first night I was alone (after 34 years with axh) I slept like a baby, and have for the last 1 1/2 years. It is truly sad to divorce ànd do what we need to do, but we have to save ourselves. I just now watch the fractured relationship he has with dd22 and dd23.
Hugs my friend, enjoy your new life.
It has been a long road, and you have made it.
I also choked at all the sacrifices that our a's always make for their families. It is mind boggling, after what they all put us through. The first night I was alone (after 34 years with axh) I slept like a baby, and have for the last 1 1/2 years. It is truly sad to divorce ànd do what we need to do, but we have to save ourselves. I just now watch the fractured relationship he has with dd22 and dd23.
Hugs my friend, enjoy your new life.
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