tigerlily1

Thanks Amy! I totally felt that those words about going out on the step and turning and waving kicked me into gear. Something said get out now. I had just cooked a pan of chicken legs for supper and just left them on the counter.

I agree that going to stay with my Aunty six hours away is what I need to do. Got my winter tires off today as that needed to be done. Take my needle for my MS tomorrow and that will make me in bed for Wednesday so aiming to leave Thursday. Hoping some time away will help me figure out what to do.

redatlanta

Always listen to your gut. Staying at your Aunt's will give you time to sort through things. I would not ever go back to this. You have my prayers!

Kboys

Thinking of you! Taking this stand does hurt so bad. Ugh, I definitely feel ya there. But you know you're making the right decision, so stay strong!

Bekindalways

Thanks so much for taking care of yourself Tigerlily. I so, so, so hope you have a support network!! Big hug.

hopeful4

I also am here, thinking of you, supporting you, sending you strength and light!

tigerlily1

Just wanted to update you all. I have been back at my house for two nights in the spare room. AH has been sober for three days. I am prepared to head back to the hotel immediately at the slightest indication of alcohol. I have no concern for my safety when he is not drinking. Still leaving in the am for my aunts to get away think and figure out where to go from here. Had the talk last night with AH re me being done and going to my Aunts. Got the I am so sorry speech again. Got the I am done never drinking again speech with I will prove it to you you will see. Sigh! Oh and phone me every night and I will prove it. I said no I am not phoning you every night but you can phone me if you are sober. So that's where it's at. Yes he has AGAIN planted a tiny seed of hope. I need to get away that is for sure.

dandylion

LOL......"Don't talk to me in the future tense....I can only listen in the past tense".

While the alcoholic may make promises that they mean at the time....or WISH that they could keep.....their basic DENIAL of the disease leads them to promise things that they will not be able to keep WHEN FACED WITHTHE P OWERFUL ALCOHOLIC VOICE....which whispers in their ear 12/7......
If they weren't in denial....they would be able to recognize that they are helpless to control the alcoholism by just will p ower......

He doesn't recognize that he is in denial.....BUT, YOU DO! And, that is what m atters....because it will help you to know what to do to protect yourself......
You have to protect yourself, because nobody else is able and willing to do that, in this relationship, just now.....

Put your head in charge for the next while...your heart is to vulnerable to be trusted at this time....

dandylion

AnvilheadII

yes he has AGAIN planted a tiny seed of hope.


hmmmm, did he or did you? please remember you felt afraid enough for you own safety to LEAVE. it was suggested that you reach out to DV services so you have some additional support and help. going back HOME set you up to HEAR the alcoholic oath:

I'M SORRY
PLEASE FORGIVE ME
IT WILL NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN

Its very easy to get caught up in the Cycle of Violence and not even realize it.

A cycle of abuse generally follows the following pattern:

Abuse – The abuser initiates aggressive, verbal or physical abuse, designed to control and oppress the victim.

Guilt – The abuser feels guilty for inflicting abusive behavior, primarily out of a concern of being found guilty of abuse rather than feelings of sympathy for the victim.

Excuses – Rationalization of the behavior, including blame and excuses.

"Normal" behavior – The abuser regains personal control, creates a peaceful phase in an attempt to make the victim feel SAFE in the relationship.

Fantasy and planning – thinking of what the victim has done wrong, how they will be punished, and developing a plan to realize the fantasy.

Set-up – the plan is "put in motion."

A cyclical nature of domestic violence is most prevalent in intimate terrorism (IT), which involve a pattern of ongoing control using emotional, physical and other forms of domestic violence and is what generally leads victims, who are most often women, to women's shelters. It is what was traditionally the definition of domestic violence and is generally illustrated with the "Power and Control Wheel"[3] to illustrate the different and inter-related forms of abuse. Intimate terrorism is different from situational couple violence, which are isolated incidents of varying degrees of intensity.

A general, intricate and complicated cycle of traumatic violence and healing map was developed by Olga Botcharova when she worked at the Center for International Studies.[

tigerlily1

I totally get that he is likely in denial. I know the chances of change are slim to none. I do know that as of right now my boundary is I will no longer live with someone actively drinking!! I do not intend to let that go. I am just physically and mentally exhausted. It's incredibly difficult with the added ms issues as well. Soo I am looking forward to some time away starting tomorrow. Thanks Dandy and Anvil both for your responses. Just wanted to say that the only abuse that has ever happened is after being on a binge for days when his blood alcohol reaches a point where he is completely out of it. Never is there any when sober. He is not an abusive person under any other circumstances. So therefore at the first hint of drinking I am out and back to the hotel. I am not putting myself in jeopardy again!!

dandylion

tigerlily.....I know that stress is very rough on the immune system....and, that self-care is soo important for anyone dealing with MS!

At this point, you just have to do what you have to do.....

It is so good that you have your aunty to go to......
You need so me asylum from the storm, right now......

dandylion