Shaking my head
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Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 157
Shaking my head
So, AH and I are still living together, with him scheduled to move out beginning of May and the divorce pending. We've been co-existing pretty well, as I've been focused on my own recovery and al-anon. He has been attending a couple AA meetings a week, but still no sponsor or working the steps (that I know of.)
He really only has 1 friend that he sometimes hangs out with. (He seemed to become anti-social when he stopped drinking.) Anyways, he tells me he's meeting up with his friend tonight and I asked where and he said his friend wanted to meet at a bar, even though AH suggested they just get dinner since friend knows he's not drinking. But I guess friend was like, "Oh, come on, I want to watch some of the basketball games." Wow, what a supportive friend.
He really only has 1 friend that he sometimes hangs out with. (He seemed to become anti-social when he stopped drinking.) Anyways, he tells me he's meeting up with his friend tonight and I asked where and he said his friend wanted to meet at a bar, even though AH suggested they just get dinner since friend knows he's not drinking. But I guess friend was like, "Oh, come on, I want to watch some of the basketball games." Wow, what a supportive friend.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,913
Your husband had the option to say no to going to the bar. I also found it helpful not to ask questions such as "where are you going." His recovery is his and your recovery is yours.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
You're ASSUMING that he is telling you the truth when he says he suggested meeting elsewhere and that the friend insisted on going to the bar.
Really, you can't assume he will tell you the truth about stuff like that. If he's moving out and you're getting divorced, the less you are in his business (and his head), the better.
Really, you can't assume he will tell you the truth about stuff like that. If he's moving out and you're getting divorced, the less you are in his business (and his head), the better.
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,388
If you are about to divorce, there is no reason for you to care that much anymore. I know it is easier said than done . . . but . . .
Being physically present at AA meetings means next to nothing if he does not embrace recovery himself. And his recovery is his own, and yours is yours.
Being physically present at AA meetings means next to nothing if he does not embrace recovery himself. And his recovery is his own, and yours is yours.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
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Originally Posted by jada1981 
Thanks everyone for the reminders! Honestly, I have been doing better about staying out of his business! Progress...not perfection, right? ;-)
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Join Date: Nov 2011
Posts: 80
It sounds like a painful situation that would require a lot of strength, to continue living with your spouse even though you've already decided on divorce. If you don't mind my asking, why are you waiting until May to live separately?
My other thought was that, yes, your recovery is yours and his is his. Questions and expectations can lead you away from your serenity and will only cause resentment.
((((Big Hugs)))
My other thought was that, yes, your recovery is yours and his is his. Questions and expectations can lead you away from your serenity and will only cause resentment.
((((Big Hugs)))
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2012
Posts: 157
Originally Posted by Talltrees
It sounds like a painful situation that would require a lot of strength, to continue living with your spouse even though you've already decided on divorce. If you don't mind my asking, why are you waiting until May to live separately?
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