confused0507

No counselor this time. Wanted to tell me thank you for taking care of the kids and that she's sorry. That she realizes now, even though it's her second rehab, that she realizes she couldn't control her addiction, even though at the time she thought she was in control. That she can't imagine how hard it is being here with the kids alone.

I told her that she doesn't know how hard it is, being here and doing everything. Told her that I don't know how she thought she could control her addiction after fight after fight every time she would over medicate because she was laid in bed for 3-4 days missing family events, practices, games, etc from over medication.

I then told her that I was going to need a break, to which she asked what that meant. I told her that meant time living in separate houses for a while so I could work on my own recovery.

She "understood". "Does she wish that we could all be under the same roof? Yes, but she understands."

Tried convincing me that she has learned more in this "program". I asked how after the last rehab, she thought she could be in control of her addiction? Didn't get a good response other than something about being an addict and being insane as an addict, and that she was in a dark place. She got upset when I told her I felt like she put her addiction above her love for the kids and myself and our marriage. She told me I didn't understand addiction and wished I could come to the family therapy. Told her I didn't want to go there and shuffle the kids around anymore than they already have been in the last three weeks, especially last week with spring break. Thanked me for gong to Al-Anon, which upset me for some reason and I replied "I didn't go for you, I went for me."

I felt good in my decision to take a break while we were on the phone, but now being in here with the kids, doubt creeps back in. Sheeeeesh....

Refiner

Baby steps. That's all you can do. Now it will be interesting if she respects your needs in living separately or if she chooses to ignore what you said.

dandylion

confused.....may I ask....what about being alone with the kids makes you doubt your decision/position.....I mean...specifically?

dandylion

confused0507

Just knowing they are expecting mom to come home and everything to be alright. Also just knowing how devastated they would be :/

Mountainmanbob

Makes sense to me.
Bob

schnappi99

I think the measure of her recovery will be the respect she shows for you & the kids. Does she peacefully accept the new arrangement and start doing the living amends, the service, the little things and the big- or will it be she tries to ease herself back in, now full of recovery catchphrases but not much change otherwise.

hopeful4

If she is truly in recovery then she will realize it's her actions over the course of a very long time that can prove herself. And that is the only way, and it takes a very long time.

Hugs to you. Keep going to Alanon...for you!