tteeaacchheerr

My ABF called me today. We haven't spoken for few weeks because he asked for time and space to work on his recovery (which I gladly agreed to). Anyway, he asked me if he could come over tomorrow and pick up a few things. I said that was fine, and asked him how he was doing. He said he was ok, and we engaged in a short but pleasant conversation. I asked him if he was still in AA, and he became angry...said it was none of my business, but yes! I said I was sorry - just wanted to make sure he was doing well. He said "I'm fine!" (angrily) and I said good, I am praying for you...and we said good bye.

I was shocked by this outburst since we were talking pleasantly a few seconds prior. Is this "normal'' for someone in recovery? I've never dealt with this before. I have been attending Al Anon meetings and we did discuss how sometimes we need to "be still" because there is no point in arguing with the alcoholic. I feel bad that I ticked him off but, on the other hand, I was only trying to find out how he was doing. I didn't ask for details! How do you all deal with this?

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated!

LexieCat

My guess is he's feeling defensive because he's not going to AA and/or because he's still drinking. People who are happily sober are usually happy to share about it.

tteeaacchheerr

I talked to my therapist and she suspects that he is drinking again too...Who knows what the truth is.

dandylion

teacher....I agree with what Lexie said......
You have no reason t feel bad that you "ticked" him off.....
that is his problem.....

dandylion

amy55

Personally, sometimes I would like to take the "drinking" out of the picture. How was he before this, was he the same push/pull. Was he still having rages? Do you feel, or have you ever felt that you need to "walk on eggshells" around him?

(((((hugs)))))
amy

LeeJane

In my experience when someone lashes out like that it is because they are drinking again or trying to hide something.

Hawkeye13

I'd bag up his things and hand them to him, or leave them just outside the door.
Just a suggestion. . .

tteeaacchheerr

Amy, I'm not sure because he was drinking throughout our entire relationship. He hid it very well. I really didn't notice the amount he was drinking until I found the beer cans hidden in the dresser drawer. I suspect the anger did come from the drinking, or the times when he wanted to drink but couldn't (when he was called out to work, when his daughter was there, etc.). And yes, I was walking on eggshells during those times.

tteeaacchheerr

He showed up this morning, and he was very nice. We chatted for a minute, then he had to leave to go to his AA meeting.