Nic37b

Hi, I was with my ex boyfriend for 3 years, finally had enough last week and kicked hi out after months of threatening to do it, he drinks about 10 cans a night and around the same in the day if he has the money,
I banned drinking from the house so he has got a new friend who drinks to, we are not talking but see him around has we live in a village,I walk around with afake smile, the first few days I just felt numb and lost I still feel like that but now the tears are coming, I'm heartbroken he still doing the same drinking constantly.
Does it not bother him does he actually care!?!
I know I've made the right decision ,I just can't cope with this pain I'm trying to move on but today the pain is unreal never felt so down in all my life, I've support but they don't understand to feel 2nd best to alcohol I feel worthless
He don't think he has a problem just thinks I'm nagging

walkinganewpath

You came to the right place. There is support here - understanding, experience, strength and hope to be shared.

Sounds like it's time for you to focus on yourself - You are not 2nd best, you have worth and deserve to be happy. Alanon, therapy or even just to start reading here at SR and sharing is a great step towards your own future

wanttobehealthy

That's what alcoholics do... They believe that the alcohol and their behavior is not the problem and that anyone who "dares" to be bothered by it is "nagging".

You are a strong, brave person to stand up for yourself and set limits...

You can't live with an alcoholic and stay healthy and well yourself as you seem to have realized...

And I agree that it is so hard to feel like they just shrug off the relationship loss and don't care... I feel that way about my xAHs apathy about his blowing off our kids...

Glad you are here!

SparkleKitty

It was so hard for me to learn to not take someone else's drinking personally. He behaves this way because he is an addict and while you've gotten caught in some crossfire, it really isn't about you or your relationship. He's caught in a vice much bigger than himself and can't even see it.

Take care of you. THAT you can control. Stay here and read awhile, there a lot of folks her who care and who've been where you are.

Nic37b

Thankyou its nice to have people to talk to who understand I have no idea do I speak to him if I see him do I ignore him.no idea what to do

SparkleKitty

Do what is best for YOU at that moment. When relationships end, sometimes the best gift we can give ourselves is time and distance. While you can't control running into someone, you can decide whether to engage. Sometimes no new contact = no new hurts.

Nic37b

Very true will just cross the street , I don't wish him any bad feeling even though he will see it that way

hopeful4

The focus has to be put back on YOU, how you see things and how you feel. It's hard, but you will get there. It's sad to see someone hurt themselves and not embrace change, but it is ultimately up to them.

You are not alone! Keep reading, keep posting, you have found a great place of support.

SparkleKitty

How he chooses to see it is his problem. You can't live your life trying not to disturb other people at the expense of your own peace and well-being.

Nic37b

I know that's why I've joined this group for strength and to move forward, I know I can't go back there no matter how much I love him but I hate him too
I just worry about him so much apart from the drinking he's health problems i he doesn't show any emotions keeps it all locked up he's dying everyday just wish he could see it

Yoga

Please, you aren't second best to alcohol.

He has a disease.

Try not to give power to the idea of second best.

Be first best to yourself.