ex's are so predictable
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: uk
Posts: 68
ex's are so predictable
I feel like posting here just to update and get it out 
We've been split for 5 weeks this time (lol this time, the 5th/6th lost count now over the 3 and half years of this deluded roundabout) except this time is it for me. I did a lot of work on myself and kept it up, keeping a journal and and the good stuff. My xabf got in touch after a year 1/2 apart and i said i couldnt go back if he was drinking and so began the 5 following months of increasingly sneaky behaviours on his part and ever increasing signs of drinking. I asked to talk before xmas and he left. I had a few usual drunken angry texts before i blocked him on all social media etc...he still could text but i ignored them all. They ranged from angry to pleading and things in between..I have an item of his that he kept asking for back (with no mention of my stuff at his). The texts became a daily thing and last Tuesday he said i had till Friday (today) to take it back or he'd pop round and get it himself.
After a lot of thought and the fact that a) i don't want him popping round unannounced in whatever state and b) I have a child to consider. I decided to reply later on (avoiding a drunken reply) saying that was fine and id see him friday. In the past when i was a fool (messaging and trying to talk etc) I would have taken it round but I just think why should I, I aren't a courier service and if he wanted this item so bad he can get off his own arse and get it. Anyway, no sign of him as I thought and no texts since so now I'm like hmmmmm....lets see what people on here think...
We've been split for 5 weeks this time (lol this time, the 5th/6th lost count now over the 3 and half years of this deluded roundabout) except this time is it for me. I did a lot of work on myself and kept it up, keeping a journal and and the good stuff. My xabf got in touch after a year 1/2 apart and i said i couldnt go back if he was drinking and so began the 5 following months of increasingly sneaky behaviours on his part and ever increasing signs of drinking. I asked to talk before xmas and he left. I had a few usual drunken angry texts before i blocked him on all social media etc...he still could text but i ignored them all. They ranged from angry to pleading and things in between..I have an item of his that he kept asking for back (with no mention of my stuff at his). The texts became a daily thing and last Tuesday he said i had till Friday (today) to take it back or he'd pop round and get it himself.
After a lot of thought and the fact that a) i don't want him popping round unannounced in whatever state and b) I have a child to consider. I decided to reply later on (avoiding a drunken reply) saying that was fine and id see him friday. In the past when i was a fool (messaging and trying to talk etc) I would have taken it round but I just think why should I, I aren't a courier service and if he wanted this item so bad he can get off his own arse and get it. Anyway, no sign of him as I thought and no texts since so now I'm like hmmmmm....lets see what people on here think...
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: West Coast
Posts: 774
I had an ex stalk me at work and on the phone for weeks. He claimed it was about the cat... which I wasn't able to take when I left him.
But I knew better... It was all just a ploy to coerce me into one of his manipulative conversations...
So I just prayed for the cat instead. He ended up giving her to his mom, and she found a lovely home for the kitty....
When you're done, you're truly done.
But I knew better... It was all just a ploy to coerce me into one of his manipulative conversations...
So I just prayed for the cat instead. He ended up giving her to his mom, and she found a lovely home for the kitty....
When you're done, you're truly done.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: uk
Posts: 68
It felt like an excuse to contact me-he obviously doesnt need it as he hasnt been for it. Last week he was full of 'i made a massive mistake' etc...which i ignored.
I'm sticking to keeping my journal, which has provided a lot of honest writing about how i felt anyway, meditations, positivity and good people. He has no place in my life any more.
I used to feel sorry for the 'real' him trapped inside but nah.
The other day i did some therapy and wrote all the words associated with alcohol followed by words associated with love and the two couldn't be any more opposite.
I'm sticking to keeping my journal, which has provided a lot of honest writing about how i felt anyway, meditations, positivity and good people. He has no place in my life any more.
I used to feel sorry for the 'real' him trapped inside but nah.
The other day i did some therapy and wrote all the words associated with alcohol followed by words associated with love and the two couldn't be any more opposite.
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Join Date: Aug 2010
Posts: 2,349
it's ok that you replied. Next time, you'll know better. You can have compassion for him without feeling sorry for him. You can love him, but you can love him from a distance until he finds real recovery (if ever), but for now you can learn to live your life for yourself.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,009
I like the line from Fiddler on the roof:
A man asks the Rabbi what would be a good blessing for the Tzar.
The Rabbi responds, "May God bless and keep him very far from us."
I feel this way about quite a few people but specially addicts.
A man asks the Rabbi what would be a good blessing for the Tzar.
The Rabbi responds, "May God bless and keep him very far from us."
I feel this way about quite a few people but specially addicts.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 171
He's making this out to be about some belongings? Mail his stuff to him. If he's got belongings at your house, and is asking for them back, then there's no reason to not return his stuff. You don't have to do it in person, though. Just mail it. That's what I did.
As far as your own items - make a declaration about them. Do you want them back, or can you live without them? If you want them back, request he do the same (mail them). If you can do without them, tell him you do not want them and you don't want him to try to return them. Chances are (although I don't know for a fact) you can probably replace whatever you left at his place, so I'd strongly suggest that.
It's really best to remove any reason for contact, even if you know that's not the only reason he's contacting. Even if you know he'll still try to contact you. Don't let there be a reason, if you can help it.
As far as your own items - make a declaration about them. Do you want them back, or can you live without them? If you want them back, request he do the same (mail them). If you can do without them, tell him you do not want them and you don't want him to try to return them. Chances are (although I don't know for a fact) you can probably replace whatever you left at his place, so I'd strongly suggest that.
It's really best to remove any reason for contact, even if you know that's not the only reason he's contacting. Even if you know he'll still try to contact you. Don't let there be a reason, if you can help it.
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Join Date: Jun 2015
Location: Houston, Texas
Posts: 171
Originally Posted by wholelottarosie 
I've chalked it down as a slip. Won't be happening again. Am ringing my phone provider in the morning to see if I can block his number
However, some cells let you add numbers to spam, and you will not get a notification. Same with call reject - depending on the phone. My old phone still notified me of autoreject calls and texts, but the new phone doesn't.
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