How to handle this?
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Olney, MD
Posts: 268
How to handle this?
My RAHs mother is a raging NPD. We both realized this during the process of him getting sober. Funny how a crisis brings out someones true colors, eh? I have had limited contact with her over the last 18 months, and no contact with SIL who is even worse.
MIL has really been trying to hoover me back in and trying to ingratiate herself. We were big parts of her narcissistic supply but RAH and I have stuck to our guns. I dont want anything other than a very superfici relationship with her. However over the weekend she asked him to ask me if I would go to luch with her to "discuss" some things with her. I can really smell something rotten miles away with this request. I do not want to do this. I can only imagine what she wants from me.
I have no idea how to respond to this, especially since it was done through RAH. Ideas?
MIL has really been trying to hoover me back in and trying to ingratiate herself. We were big parts of her narcissistic supply but RAH and I have stuck to our guns. I dont want anything other than a very superfici relationship with her. However over the weekend she asked him to ask me if I would go to luch with her to "discuss" some things with her. I can really smell something rotten miles away with this request. I do not want to do this. I can only imagine what she wants from me.
I have no idea how to respond to this, especially since it was done through RAH. Ideas?
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Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 2,792
I am not ready yet. I still need more time.
You are under no obligation to engage with an evil person. She will just upset you and suck you back in. If she was truly sorry she would have apologized long before 18 months in an email or note. She didn't!!
If you are in the forgiving mood, go for it, but imo I would stay away from that fire so you don't get burned again!!
You are under no obligation to engage with an evil person. She will just upset you and suck you back in. If she was truly sorry she would have apologized long before 18 months in an email or note. She didn't!!
If you are in the forgiving mood, go for it, but imo I would stay away from that fire so you don't get burned again!!
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
TerpGal.....for starters...you could tell your husband to tell his mother to give you a call and invite you (herself).
If you already have a "superficial relationship" with her... I don't see how a lunch would be the end of the world. After all, people have lunch with each all the time....who are just casual or business acquaintences. Having lunch doesn't mean that you have to crawl into each others skins...lol...
I think. in general, it is good to have, at l east a civil relationship with one's in laws (when at all possible).
Who knows what it is about?....but, you are a big girl...and, you can handle yourself.....
danylion
If you already have a "superficial relationship" with her... I don't see how a lunch would be the end of the world. After all, people have lunch with each all the time....who are just casual or business acquaintences. Having lunch doesn't mean that you have to crawl into each others skins...lol...
I think. in general, it is good to have, at l east a civil relationship with one's in laws (when at all possible).
Who knows what it is about?....but, you are a big girl...and, you can handle yourself.....
danylion
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2014
Location: Olney, MD
Posts: 268
Originally Posted by dandylion 
TerpGal.....for starters...you could tell your husband to tell his mother to give you a call and invite you (herself).
If you already have a "superficial relationship" with her... I don't see how a lunch would be the end of the world. After all, people have lunch with each all the time....who are just casual or business acquaintences. Having lunch doesn't mean that you have to crawl into each others skins...lol...
I think. in general, it is good to have, at l east a civil relationship with one's in laws (when at all possible).
Who knows what it is about?....but, you are a big girl...and, you can handle yourself.....
danylion
If you already have a "superficial relationship" with her... I don't see how a lunch would be the end of the world. After all, people have lunch with each all the time....who are just casual or business acquaintences. Having lunch doesn't mean that you have to crawl into each others skins...lol...
I think. in general, it is good to have, at l east a civil relationship with one's in laws (when at all possible).
Who knows what it is about?....but, you are a big girl...and, you can handle yourself.....
danylion
Im not comfortable just her and me. She cant hurt my anymore as I am wise to her game now. She cant hurt me more than she has, shes not going to catch me off guard again. If she had any crappy comments or being verbally abusive it would make me mad though.
I think I am going to tell her I would be fine with it as long as RAH is there too. Anything she jas to say to me can be said to him too. Shes his mother after all. Plus she will try to split us. She has done it before. Trying to twist my words or the situation to make it look like she jas done no wrong. She cant twist anything if we are both there.
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Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
So if she wants to have lunch with you, why can't she pick up the phone and call you ? Using your husband as the messenger sounds more like a a ploy to me.
If you are curious as to what she wants to "discuss" go to lunch and find out,
the thing about having lunch at a neutral location, if conversation starts going South, you can excuse yourself and leave the restaurant.
If you have zero desire to go to lunch with her , then don't.
We have to remember we are in control of "our" lives, you certainly are under no obligation to surrender to this woman.
Maybe just a phone call to her, inquiring the reason for lunch? If you feel she is being deceitful on the phone, or trying to manipulate, you can decline at that time. Or if things are going well in her 18 month absence, maybe you want to keep it that way. the choice remains all YOU.
If you are curious as to what she wants to "discuss" go to lunch and find out,
the thing about having lunch at a neutral location, if conversation starts going South, you can excuse yourself and leave the restaurant.
If you have zero desire to go to lunch with her , then don't.
We have to remember we are in control of "our" lives, you certainly are under no obligation to surrender to this woman.
Maybe just a phone call to her, inquiring the reason for lunch? If you feel she is being deceitful on the phone, or trying to manipulate, you can decline at that time. Or if things are going well in her 18 month absence, maybe you want to keep it that way. the choice remains all YOU.
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
ok well if you feel inclined to speak to her why don't you just call her and ask he what she needs to discuss?
I really hate the pretention of the "lunch" to "discuss" some things. Its rife with control.
Hanging up the phone is so much easier than leaving a restaurant, and perhaps a tasty meal with poor company.
I really hate the pretention of the "lunch" to "discuss" some things. Its rife with control.
Hanging up the phone is so much easier than leaving a restaurant, and perhaps a tasty meal with poor company.
Alive in the Superunknown
Join Date: Nov 2010
Location: 30.47ºN, 98.15ºW
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Yeah, there's something uncouth here. I like the idea of asking your hubby to refer her to you directly. I also think that you'll have a better gauge of her sincerity if you talk to her beforehand.
I wouldn't have a problem with going, myself, under those circumstances. But as matters stand, there's too much too for shenanigans on her part, and that ain't good.
I wouldn't have a problem with going, myself, under those circumstances. But as matters stand, there's too much too for shenanigans on her part, and that ain't good.
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