greeneyes

When I got home last night from work, I noticed all of the beer was gone out of the fridge. My blood began to boil because I knew that he had taken it to work with him, yet again. When he came home he done the ususal hug, kiss, I love you. I asked it was gonna be a bad night and explained that I knew he took it to work. He got defensive and said that he gave it away, l tried to believe him but Ive caught him in so many lies that its hard. For myself I gave him the benefit of a doubt. He went into the garage to "Piddle". I walked out to ask him if he was thirsty (trying to be a good little wife) and I caught him getting into a box. I asked what he was doing and he replied nothing, just looking around. I looked in there and low and behold was the Vodka. I just turned and walked away. He tried to talk to me at first, but I told him how I had trusted him and he hurt me really bad, and I walked away. He tried a few times to talk to me, but I didnt budge because I knew we would argue. I went to bed and he had so much respect for me after drinking his pint of Vodka to blast the TV and then get upset when I asked him to turn it down. At least I didnt get physically hurt from his drinking last night. It is easier to walk away then argue with him. I just hope that I can continue to do it. Hes working with the same A that he drinks with on the job, so Im sure that my night tonight will be a repeat. Especially since I lost it this morning and when the A co-worker picked my husband up he waved to me and I flipped him off. I know it was wrong, but it felt so good. That was good enough to help me get through another bad night. At least now my feelings are known. I sometimes think of calling his boss' wife and talking to her about them working together, but I know it would make things worse. If only the boss knew what those two get into when they are alone. Thanks again all of you!!!

cwohio

greeneyes - glad you were able to walk away. that's really the best thing. keep focusing on you - we've all been down the road of "discovering" the untruths and pointing it out doesn't help anybody, most of all us.

sorry you feel betrayed - hugs to you!

cwohio

JT

You CAN walk away if you want to. And you can decide far...to the bedroom, out the door or to the next state. Fights hurt...

((Hugs))
JT

Peaches04

hi greeneyes...I've been right there with you...down to my AH prancing out of the garage seconds afterwards with some tools, like he had been in there for any othe reason. I think the thing that enrages me, and maybe this is something I need to address with myself - probably is - but, is the fact that I feel like he thinks he is tricking me or that I am stupid, and i can't STAND that he thinks he is getting away with it. And by GOD - I HAVE to let him know, that I know, the he knows I know...and on and on... craziness! Personally, I like what JT says - we have to decide. Do we want to be babysitter, mother, etc.. for the rest of our lives? I was told the other night to look seriously at my life right NOW - if I can be happy and take care of myself and live like this, then that might be the right decision. But, don't bank on changes and hopes of sobriety - if they come - great - but, understand that what I have NOW may be what I will always have (or worse). Would you guys agree with that? Just curious

cwohio

peaches - i agree - we can only chage ourselves so maybe not what we have right now in terms of ourselves but yes, with the a's. i know exactly what you are saying about the "thinking i'm stupid" business. when these incidents happen now i just wither chuckle to myself or don't even think about it whereas before i would react as you said - I KNOW what you are doing! baby steps!

cwohio

Peaches04

That is something I must really REALLY work hard on. That may be a character flaw in me, but I do know I have serious issues with betrayal and people lying to me. And I am ashamed of this and it is very ironic that I am where I am now - but, at one point in time if someone - a friend, whatever - did something to hurt me - I could shut down immediately. And I swear - in my mind - that person was dead to me. I didn't even acknowledge they existed. I now see alot of that was probably a survival mechanism to prevent being hurt - kind of the 'I know that hurt me once, but it will NEVER be able to again'. But, again - how did I get here??? Weird..huh. Anyway, I'm just making observations...alot seem to come to me when I'm on here. I hope that's good...

cwohio

yep - this is a great place to get the ole psyche a churnin'! at least we know there are others out there feeling the same way we are and even tho we knew this - actually "hearing" it here and at meetings DOES make a difference.

greeneyes

I just understand if you love someone you would delibertly hurt them. He knows that either by words or fights that I get hurt when he drinks, but he continues to do it and then lies to me about it. Sometimes I would just like to tell him that hes the A not me so Im not as stupid as he is or he thinks I am...but I know that I cant do that.

I have a little left in me but hes pushing.

Thanks to all of my new friends here for helping me through this.

Peaches04

I know green eyes - it doesn't make any sense at all. I feel your pain. Read through some of these posts from people alot wiser than me - and you'll see - it all has to do with the fact that he may not be capable of loving you right now. It's a very hard concept to grasp. I used to tell my AH that all the time - that if he loved me, he wouldn't do it. and logically - it will never make sense. it's a very dysfunctional disease on many levels. But, they don't love themselves - in fact alot of them hate themselves, and it's much easier to criticize and blame other people, than to reflect upon yourself. I think it is even a natural instinct? but, you are here and you are doing a huge service to him by trying to understand as much as you can and doing yourself a huge service by learning to determine your boundaries. I still don't know mine...but, I know there is alot of life to live and it shouldn't hurt.

CrazyRed

Green eyeballs-

Easy does it!
Have you tried kicking the sofa, telling it that the broken springs are deliberatly (sp?) hurting you, that if the sofa loved you it would stop doing that??? (Your ALO is sick, doing everything the best that they can.) Quit kicking yourself when the sofa doesn't respond to your logic!!!!!!!

jojo

Greeneyes -

Yes, they may be sick but that does not mean that we have to live that sickness with them. If he is abusing you emotionally and/or physically perhaps his sickness is going to make you very sick, injured or worse. At that point I think that you have every right, perhaps a duty, to remove yourself and your kids from the situation so that you can raise your children without fear. What are your children learning from his behavior? I can tell you from personal experience that living without the anxiety and fear is a much better feeling. Take care of yourself. You can't take care of him - only he can do that. Your kids need a healthy happy mom. Do whatever it takes to give them what they need.

Hugs, Jo