Liveitwell

CJ-I'm going to check that out, too. Sounds intreresting...thank you for the direction.

Liveitwell

I think the issue here is the ego-I hear people saying "me, my view, I, me-I don't think it's a sin, I don't have a problem with it". The poster asked for the Christian perspective and that is one that God tells us to submit our wills to His-and porn is a sin. It doesn't matter if we think it is or isn't, he tells us it is not ok. We are not to follow our values, but His. Again, just my two cents. And yes, I agree-porn, infediloty and addiction, among other things are rampant in the church today and in those that follow or claim to follow Christ-cue Duggar scandals. We all sin!

Fabat50

The OP also asks " who I am a married too?"

Sometimes it is helpful to a poster to have other perspectives and a wider debate. It is up to all of us to decide if we wish to take the views of other people in to account. I offered my personal view not because of my ego but because I wanted to put a bit of factual context on the situation.

In my opinion she is married to "a Christian who looks at porn" like 65 percent of all the other Christians out there. (In face realistically the figure will be much higher than that). And not a "déviant sinner"!!

I know you have strong views. Which I respect. Put surely the objective is to help get some perspective and reassure here?

HoldOnLoosely

I'll tiptoe into this thread and add a couple of thoughts. I am with Redatlanta. Compartmentalization? Is he in individual therapy given his alcoholism, pills and now pornography? It's a slippery slope.

I found pornography on my husband's iPad almost a year ago. It was perhaps the worst day in the year to actually discover it - Valentine's Day. It was hurtful. My husband is a Catholic man, attends mass every week, confession, etc.

I look back, and I think it was more the dishonesty and hypocrisy of his actions and not the porn itself that hurt the most. I understand 99% of men probably view pornography. I did my own amount of googling on it. I get it.

So, where I landed for myself? My husband should have had the decency and respect to have an open discussion with me regarding his need to view pornography. Own it. Don't slink away out of shame, guilt or whatever and compartmentalize whatever you want to do to escape whatever haunts you. That was a lot of "whatevers". Two weeks ago, I discovered there was more to the iPad history than I was aware of. I only share it with you since my words might come across strong and that would be due to this recent revelation. So, take what you want and leave the rest.

Decide what you find acceptable and not acceptable for YOU and then set a boundary if necessary.

Fluffer

Keep in mind that porn plays very strongly to the way men are programmed biologically. Seeing that "stuff" lights up the pleasure centers of the male brain the same way as drinking beer or digging into a bucket of fried chicken with gravy, mash and biscuits. While I would think that most men are troubled by the exploitation of porn and feel a bit loserish for viewing, most of us have trouble from time to time controlling our appetites in one area or another. I know that if I eat that KFC meal it's going to make me fatter and spike my cholesterol etc. but sometimes I fail. what's my point? Maybe you should try to be more forgiving of your husband's lapses in self-control in this area and not take it personally. Porn does really play to our biological weaknesses.

sg1970

Expecting all people who go to church to be perfect is like saying fat people shouldn't go to the gym.

Liveitwell

Jumping off this thread-triggers me too much and my views are very strong on this matter.

ubntubnt

Why should a man hide, skulk off off or whatever else to "sin" in private when the very large majority would not consider it a sin in the first place? I would assume that the OP is looking for a number of different perspectives on this since she posted her question in a public forum. I would also assume that as a Christian the good lord has taught her to be tolerant of different perspectives, opinions and beliefs. There are enough guys on this site struggling with enough issues of their own without dumping this on top of them.

AnvilheadII

my mom used to take a cocktail IN the car with her for the short drive to church. considered herself a devout irish catholic. and for her.....whose to say? whose to judge on an individual's relationship with their higher power, creator, religion??

let he who has no sin, cast the first stone.....or something like that.

as i understand it, the porn issue was years ago. seems you have enough CURRENT issues to not further muddy the waters with past transgressions?

Hawkeye13

Maybe the porn, the addiction, lack of intimate connection, the "Sunday Christian" actions, and finally failing to stand up for you repeatedly with your AD is a cumulative package that you are finally starting to consider a possible dealbreaker?

That's what I think may be at the heart of this BH--and porn is just a piece of the whole unpalatable history--do you think this might be possible?

DesertEyes

Ok people, let's go over the rules again.

Do not ignore the original question by addressing each other instead of the original poster.

If you cannot offer personal experience directly related to the original question then stay out of it. This forum is _not_ for opinions.

This forum is for discussion on the general subject of recovery from the effects of alcoholism in a loved one. All other topics belong in other websites.

As there has been a general disrespect for the original poster demonstrated by all the rules that have _not_ been followed I am now closing this thread.

Mike
Moderator, SoberRecovery