Blue
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Join Date: Jul 2014
Posts: 65
Blue
Why are some days so easy and some so hard? One day I can clearly see how much better off I am and be excited about the future. I can be grateful that my life does not revolve around the level of drunk he's in. That my home is peaceful and serene. THEN a day will sneak up on me and I will be consumed with what I've lost. How crazy is that? I mean I would never go back to that life! I think what I really miss the most is the idea of the life I thought I would have. I mourn the loss of that dream. Truth is I was never going to have that life. So what is there to miss? This is crazy!
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Yeah, it FEELS crazy, but it's actually a normal part of processing a loss. Even when it's for the best, it still takes time.
So try not to let it throw you. There's nothing "wrong" with how you are feeling, it doesn't mean you are crazy, it doesn't mean you want to go back to how things were. Try to just roll with it and remember that it won't last forever. Hopefully you will be looking at those "good days" again very soon.
Hugs,
So try not to let it throw you. There's nothing "wrong" with how you are feeling, it doesn't mean you are crazy, it doesn't mean you want to go back to how things were. Try to just roll with it and remember that it won't last forever. Hopefully you will be looking at those "good days" again very soon.
Hugs,
Member
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 598
I understand exactly how you're feeling - when that happens to me I just get out of the house and go do something just to get my mind off of things! I agree - we miss what we thought we could have had or we miss maybe a normal relationship and not one with the A - I know that's what I want one day when I recover and am better but for today I wish you peace and love! Do something nice for yourself! You deserve it!
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
cherra, I get it. I'm there too. At times, he doesn't even cross my mind, other than perhaps just in passing, and I'm just getting on w/my life, enjoying the peace and being able to do as I please. Then all of a sudden, something will trigger a good memory, and I'm so, so sad...
Like you, I know with absolute certainty that there is no going back. I think that Lexie is exactly right; it's just going to take time for us to mourn the loss of our dreams. We need to grieve the fact that we're never going to have the life we thought we would. The fact that we still have a wonderful, wide-open road ahead of us doesn't take away our need to deal with the end of things as we saw them/hoped for them. It's OK to feel them, and fully feel them, but that doesn't mean wallowing and getting stuck. As long as we dry our eyes and turn our faces back to now, today, we are doing just fine.
Like you, I know with absolute certainty that there is no going back. I think that Lexie is exactly right; it's just going to take time for us to mourn the loss of our dreams. We need to grieve the fact that we're never going to have the life we thought we would. The fact that we still have a wonderful, wide-open road ahead of us doesn't take away our need to deal with the end of things as we saw them/hoped for them. It's OK to feel them, and fully feel them, but that doesn't mean wallowing and getting stuck. As long as we dry our eyes and turn our faces back to now, today, we are doing just fine.
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