The Language of Letting Go, December 20
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The Language of Letting Go, December 20
DECEMBER 20
You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."
Expectations of Others
It is our job to identify our needs, and then determine a balanced way of getting those needs met. We ultimately expect our Higher Power and the Universe - not one particular person - to be our source.
It is unreasonable to expect anyone to be able or willing to meet our every request. We are responsible for asking for what we want and need. It's the other person's responsibility to freely choose whether or not to respond to our request. If we try to coerce or force another to be there for us, that's controlling.
There's a difference between asking and demanding. We want love that is freely given.
It is unreasonable and unhealthy to expect one person to be the source for meeting all our needs. Ultimately, we will become angry and resentful, maybe even punishing, toward that person for not supporting us as we expected.
It is reasonable to have certain and well defined expectations of our spouse, children, and friends.
If a person cannot or will not be there for us, then we need to take responsibility for ourselves in that relationship. We may need to set a boundary, alter our expectations, or change the limits of the relationship to accommodate that person's unavailability. We do this for ourselves.
It is reasonable to sprinkle our wants and needs around and to be realistic about how much we ask or expect of any particular person. We can trust ourselves to know what's reasonable.
The issue of expectations goes back to knowing that we are responsible for identifying our needs, believing they deserve to get met, and discovering an appropriate, satisfactory way to do that in our life.
Today I will strive for reasonable expectations about getting my needs met in relationships.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."
Expectations of Others
It is our job to identify our needs, and then determine a balanced way of getting those needs met. We ultimately expect our Higher Power and the Universe - not one particular person - to be our source.
It is unreasonable to expect anyone to be able or willing to meet our every request. We are responsible for asking for what we want and need. It's the other person's responsibility to freely choose whether or not to respond to our request. If we try to coerce or force another to be there for us, that's controlling.
There's a difference between asking and demanding. We want love that is freely given.
It is unreasonable and unhealthy to expect one person to be the source for meeting all our needs. Ultimately, we will become angry and resentful, maybe even punishing, toward that person for not supporting us as we expected.
It is reasonable to have certain and well defined expectations of our spouse, children, and friends.
If a person cannot or will not be there for us, then we need to take responsibility for ourselves in that relationship. We may need to set a boundary, alter our expectations, or change the limits of the relationship to accommodate that person's unavailability. We do this for ourselves.
It is reasonable to sprinkle our wants and needs around and to be realistic about how much we ask or expect of any particular person. We can trust ourselves to know what's reasonable.
The issue of expectations goes back to knowing that we are responsible for identifying our needs, believing they deserve to get met, and discovering an appropriate, satisfactory way to do that in our life.
Today I will strive for reasonable expectations about getting my needs met in relationships.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 11,481
I have always asked far too much of whoever was the primary person in my life. I've expected them to be everything to me and for me, to magically know everything I needed and when I needed it w/o being told and to then unfailingly supply it. I've placed this person so high upon a pedestal they couldn't help but fail--no human could possibly have met my expectations! And when they failed, I met their "failure" with guilt-inducing behaviors or with anger.
How in the world did anyone put up with me for any length of time? I guess b/c I always picked those who were as sick in their own way as I was in mine...
I'm doing my best to learn to keep my expectations reasonable, for myself as well as others--we are only human, doing the best we can.
How in the world did anyone put up with me for any length of time? I guess b/c I always picked those who were as sick in their own way as I was in mine...
I'm doing my best to learn to keep my expectations reasonable, for myself as well as others--we are only human, doing the best we can.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
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((honeypig))
I do the opposite, and run. In fairness to me though, I run over really big stuff like infidelity, theft, abuse and/or domestic violence. I sometimes beat myself up saying that I give up too easily until I look at it honestly. I do have reasonable expectations. Some sicknesses are deal breakers, and now I wouldn't get as involved with those same people, I would have run much earlier. Live and learn, no?
That barn owl picture is stunning. I don't know how you find the window pictures, but they are so evocative.
I do the opposite, and run. In fairness to me though, I run over really big stuff like infidelity, theft, abuse and/or domestic violence. I sometimes beat myself up saying that I give up too easily until I look at it honestly. I do have reasonable expectations. Some sicknesses are deal breakers, and now I wouldn't get as involved with those same people, I would have run much earlier. Live and learn, no?
That barn owl picture is stunning. I don't know how you find the window pictures, but they are so evocative.
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