A little Off Topic - need support of a different kind
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Join Date: May 2010
Posts: 120
A little Off Topic - need support of a different kind
Ok, this time of year is very hard for me... it's been almost 3 years since my Dad passed away. It was Dec 23, 2012 around 1:15 am.
This past month I have been thinking of him more than ever and I still wish he would just walk in the room as if he was just on a long vacation and now he's back. It doesn't help that my mom has never changed the phone into her name with the phone company and now every time she calls, his name shows up and I *always* get that little micro-second glimmer of hope before I remember the truth.
I know losing a parent is hard on anybody and I am not trying to diminish anyone's pain. But I also worked with him at his company for 10 years and we became very close. I have been running the company now for the last 3 years and it has been very hard on me. It was his baby, his expertise, his dream... I feel lost without him here. Everyone tells me I am doing a good job but inside I just feel so... frightened.
I have just been very weepy this past month and anytime I even think of him (which is quite often) I feel the tears skyrocket to my eyes.
I have always heard that time heals and that it will hurt less as time goes by, but I have found that the only thing time helps is my ability to cover up the sadness better. I'm better at faking happy.
Anyway thank you for just letting me get that out. I don't have a lot of people I can talk to about this and I don't want to either because as soon as I begin to talk about it I start to cry, I just can't help it.
Many hugs to you all, and may those of you who have sadness at this time of year find a little peace within.
Tatertot
This past month I have been thinking of him more than ever and I still wish he would just walk in the room as if he was just on a long vacation and now he's back. It doesn't help that my mom has never changed the phone into her name with the phone company and now every time she calls, his name shows up and I *always* get that little micro-second glimmer of hope before I remember the truth.
I know losing a parent is hard on anybody and I am not trying to diminish anyone's pain. But I also worked with him at his company for 10 years and we became very close. I have been running the company now for the last 3 years and it has been very hard on me. It was his baby, his expertise, his dream... I feel lost without him here. Everyone tells me I am doing a good job but inside I just feel so... frightened.
I have just been very weepy this past month and anytime I even think of him (which is quite often) I feel the tears skyrocket to my eyes.
I have always heard that time heals and that it will hurt less as time goes by, but I have found that the only thing time helps is my ability to cover up the sadness better. I'm better at faking happy.
Anyway thank you for just letting me get that out. I don't have a lot of people I can talk to about this and I don't want to either because as soon as I begin to talk about it I start to cry, I just can't help it.
Many hugs to you all, and may those of you who have sadness at this time of year find a little peace within.
Tatertot
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 600
Hi, I'm from the other forums but I thought I'd chime in because of your thread title.
I was very close with my grandmother. I miss her a lot. This is what has helped me:
I smile in gratitude at how lucky I was to have a grandmother like her.
I smile now, instead of cry, at the wonderful little memories we shared.
I keep little things around my house that remind me of her.
When a happy thought pops into my head about her, I "thank" her.
I remind myself that if she was able to speak to me today, she'd say, "LiveinPeace, quit being sad and enjoy your life! Be happy!"
I carry her in my heart, and I've learned that that is good enough.
When I see grandmothers and granddaughters having lunch together, I smile at the times we did.
I used to think my holidays were lonely, too, until someone had me work on gratitude. Now I see that they are only as lonely as I think they they are.
I look for little "signs" from her. Like finding a shiny penny on the ground, or seeing her favorite food somewhere, and smile, but I don't allow myself to get sad over these. She may not be in my life physically anymore, but I believe she still is spiritually.
Most importantly, I keep on living in the present moment because I know that is what she'd want me to do.
I hope that helps.
I was very close with my grandmother. I miss her a lot. This is what has helped me:
I smile in gratitude at how lucky I was to have a grandmother like her.
I smile now, instead of cry, at the wonderful little memories we shared.
I keep little things around my house that remind me of her.
When a happy thought pops into my head about her, I "thank" her.
I remind myself that if she was able to speak to me today, she'd say, "LiveinPeace, quit being sad and enjoy your life! Be happy!"
I carry her in my heart, and I've learned that that is good enough.
When I see grandmothers and granddaughters having lunch together, I smile at the times we did.
I used to think my holidays were lonely, too, until someone had me work on gratitude. Now I see that they are only as lonely as I think they they are.
I look for little "signs" from her. Like finding a shiny penny on the ground, or seeing her favorite food somewhere, and smile, but I don't allow myself to get sad over these. She may not be in my life physically anymore, but I believe she still is spiritually.
Most importantly, I keep on living in the present moment because I know that is what she'd want me to do.
I hope that helps.
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Join Date: Oct 2012
Posts: 600
Sorry about the typos--my dogs must've interrupted me. I wrote: "I used to think my holidays were lonely, too, until someone had me work on gratitude. Now I see that they are only as lonely as I think they they are. "
I meant to write: "I used to think my holidays were lonely, too, until someone had me work on gratitude. Now I see that I am only as lonely as I think I am."
I meant to write: "I used to think my holidays were lonely, too, until someone had me work on gratitude. Now I see that I am only as lonely as I think I am."
Member
Join Date: Jun 2012
Posts: 1,452
Tatertot, I am sorry to hear of your loss. It is hard with the reminders of your dad everywhere around you.
Maybe think of his name announced on the phone call as a angel's way to tell you he loves you and is proud of you.
ShootingStar1
Maybe think of his name announced on the phone call as a angel's way to tell you he loves you and is proud of you.
ShootingStar1
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Western US
Posts: 9,010
Wow Tatertot, rough time to lose a parent as this can be a rough time anyhow.
I can't imagine that he isn't reaching back across to you with such intense love for the wonderful person you are. I so very much hope you can feel his supportive presence around you specially this time of year.
Please be kind to yourself (this seems to be a theme with me : - )
I can't imagine that he isn't reaching back across to you with such intense love for the wonderful person you are. I so very much hope you can feel his supportive presence around you specially this time of year.
Please be kind to yourself (this seems to be a theme with me : - )
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
Dear tater tot, just reading your post got me to thinking.
In January my dad will be gone 20 years. And I just had to stop and truly double count, because I cannot believe I have survived on this planet for 20 years without the man who was my everything.
The thing about grief, it really does not have a time limit. While time can soften the loss, it does not bring our loved one back to us. We just have to go forward, the best we can.
Best I got, when it hurts, just cry.
And when a precious memory crosses your mind , embrace it..
I treasure the memories that pop into my head out of nowhere, and I find myself laughing about something silly that only he would say or do. Or I find myself humming the songs he used to sing to us, I repeat his words of wisdom to my adult kids, and grandkids.
Sometimes, I find myself completely thrown off guard,remembering his wise words that I chose to dismiss . It will take my breath away, swearing under my breath away, having to acknowledge that dammit he was right, AGAIN. I cannot peel a flipping potato without sensing he is standing right behind me, telling me I just peeled half the damn potato away...... LOL
But somewhere in this, I know he is still right here with me, of course we cannot see them, or call them on the phone, but in my heart of hearts, he still lives.
Just want you to know I have great empathy for your loss, this is the circle of life, and it's a crappy pill to have to swallow. May your father's memory continue to be your inspiration.
Big hugs!
In January my dad will be gone 20 years. And I just had to stop and truly double count, because I cannot believe I have survived on this planet for 20 years without the man who was my everything.
The thing about grief, it really does not have a time limit. While time can soften the loss, it does not bring our loved one back to us. We just have to go forward, the best we can.
Best I got, when it hurts, just cry.
And when a precious memory crosses your mind , embrace it..
I treasure the memories that pop into my head out of nowhere, and I find myself laughing about something silly that only he would say or do. Or I find myself humming the songs he used to sing to us, I repeat his words of wisdom to my adult kids, and grandkids.
Sometimes, I find myself completely thrown off guard,remembering his wise words that I chose to dismiss . It will take my breath away, swearing under my breath away, having to acknowledge that dammit he was right, AGAIN. I cannot peel a flipping potato without sensing he is standing right behind me, telling me I just peeled half the damn potato away...... LOL
But somewhere in this, I know he is still right here with me, of course we cannot see them, or call them on the phone, but in my heart of hearts, he still lives.
Just want you to know I have great empathy for your loss, this is the circle of life, and it's a crappy pill to have to swallow. May your father's memory continue to be your inspiration.
Big hugs!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 2,163
One thing I have done Tater tot, every year I pledge money to our local highschool band. My father was a sailor on the Great Lakes, but his true passion was music.
I think why he was so happy and complete in life is that he always had a song in his heart.
Just a thought, but maybe pick a worthy charity and donate to it, or volunteer in some capacity, sometimes giving to others and honoring their memory helps us to cope and go forward.
I think why he was so happy and complete in life is that he always had a song in his heart.
Just a thought, but maybe pick a worthy charity and donate to it, or volunteer in some capacity, sometimes giving to others and honoring their memory helps us to cope and go forward.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
Ok, this time of year is very hard for me... it's been almost 3 years since my Dad passed away. It was Dec 23, 2012 around 1:15 am.
This past month I have been thinking of him more than ever and I still wish he would just walk in the room as if he was just on a long vacation and now he's back. It doesn't help that my mom has never changed the phone into her name with the phone company and now every time she calls, his name shows up and I *always* get that little micro-second glimmer of hope before I remember the truth. It could be that his name on the phone bill is comforting to her. If it upsets you could you ask her to just call you on your cell? Whatever you list the contact is will be how it comes up on your phone.
I know losing a parent is hard on anybody and I am not trying to diminish anyone's pain. But I also worked with him at his company for 10 years and we became very close. I have been running the company now for the last 3 years and it has been very hard on me. It was his baby, his expertise, his dream... I feel lost without him here. Everyone tells me I am doing a good job but inside I just feel so... frightened. I'm curious - do you want to be at the helm of the company? Are you happy running it? I am wondering if perhaps this is not what you want to be doing. I own my own business and it can be frightening - it has its good and bad side, and is not for everyone. I'm not suggesting you quit, rather that maybe you look into rearranging the things that make you uncomfortable (via someone currently working there or a new hire).
I have just been very weepy this past month and anytime I even think of him (which is quite often) I feel the tears skyrocket to my eyes. Understandable
I have always heard that time heals and that it will hurt less as time goes by, but I have found that the only thing time helps is my ability to cover up the sadness better. I'm better at faking happy. I really think you need to step out of the box and figure out if it is just the loss that is making you so sad, or is there something else going on too? Have you considered grief counseling? I think it could be very helpful to you.
Anyway thank you for just letting me get that out. I don't have a lot of people I can talk to about this and I don't want to either because as soon as I begin to talk about it I start to cry, I just can't help it. Hugs, Hugs and lots of Hugs.
Many hugs to you all, and may those of you who have sadness at this time of year find a little peace within.
Tatertot
I lost 2 beloved animals Sept/Oct and initially I would get weepy everyday when I came home from work. For 15 years I never walked in my house without being greeted by them . A couple of days ago I realized the sadness is dialing back. At first I would only get sad when I walk in, then I started getting sad when I parked the car, then I started getting sad as I was driving home. What's next? Will I start getting sad as soon as I leave for work? In some ways the grief remains an attachment to them, and as much as I don't like feeling sad it also makes me feel that I am still attached to them physically. I guess I have nowhere to express what they meant to me other than to shed tears, and I am really pissed they are gone. I recognize this isn't really healthy and certainly, my animals hated when I was upset and sad. So I have made it a goal to sometime over Christmas when I have some time off to make some changes in the house, and my routine. Things have changed, but I haven't. Wishing you peace and comfort, and hoping that your sorrow will be alleviated in the near future.
This past month I have been thinking of him more than ever and I still wish he would just walk in the room as if he was just on a long vacation and now he's back. It doesn't help that my mom has never changed the phone into her name with the phone company and now every time she calls, his name shows up and I *always* get that little micro-second glimmer of hope before I remember the truth. It could be that his name on the phone bill is comforting to her. If it upsets you could you ask her to just call you on your cell? Whatever you list the contact is will be how it comes up on your phone.
I know losing a parent is hard on anybody and I am not trying to diminish anyone's pain. But I also worked with him at his company for 10 years and we became very close. I have been running the company now for the last 3 years and it has been very hard on me. It was his baby, his expertise, his dream... I feel lost without him here. Everyone tells me I am doing a good job but inside I just feel so... frightened. I'm curious - do you want to be at the helm of the company? Are you happy running it? I am wondering if perhaps this is not what you want to be doing. I own my own business and it can be frightening - it has its good and bad side, and is not for everyone. I'm not suggesting you quit, rather that maybe you look into rearranging the things that make you uncomfortable (via someone currently working there or a new hire).
I have just been very weepy this past month and anytime I even think of him (which is quite often) I feel the tears skyrocket to my eyes. Understandable
I have always heard that time heals and that it will hurt less as time goes by, but I have found that the only thing time helps is my ability to cover up the sadness better. I'm better at faking happy. I really think you need to step out of the box and figure out if it is just the loss that is making you so sad, or is there something else going on too? Have you considered grief counseling? I think it could be very helpful to you.
Anyway thank you for just letting me get that out. I don't have a lot of people I can talk to about this and I don't want to either because as soon as I begin to talk about it I start to cry, I just can't help it. Hugs, Hugs and lots of Hugs.
Many hugs to you all, and may those of you who have sadness at this time of year find a little peace within.
Tatertot
I lost 2 beloved animals Sept/Oct and initially I would get weepy everyday when I came home from work. For 15 years I never walked in my house without being greeted by them . A couple of days ago I realized the sadness is dialing back. At first I would only get sad when I walk in, then I started getting sad when I parked the car, then I started getting sad as I was driving home. What's next? Will I start getting sad as soon as I leave for work? In some ways the grief remains an attachment to them, and as much as I don't like feeling sad it also makes me feel that I am still attached to them physically. I guess I have nowhere to express what they meant to me other than to shed tears, and I am really pissed they are gone. I recognize this isn't really healthy and certainly, my animals hated when I was upset and sad. So I have made it a goal to sometime over Christmas when I have some time off to make some changes in the house, and my routine. Things have changed, but I haven't. Wishing you peace and comfort, and hoping that your sorrow will be alleviated in the near future.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 715
Death Is Nothing At All
Death is nothing at all.
It does not count.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
Nothing has happened.
Everything remains exactly as it was.
I am I, and you are you,
and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged.
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.
Call me by the old familiar name.
Speak of me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same as it ever was.
There is absolute and unbroken continuity.
What is this death but a negligible accident?
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you, for an interval,
somewhere very near,
just round the corner.
All is well.
Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost.
One brief moment and all will be as it was before.
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!
Death is nothing at all.
It does not count.
I have only slipped away into the next room.
Nothing has happened.
Everything remains exactly as it was.
I am I, and you are you,
and the old life that we lived so fondly together is untouched, unchanged.
Whatever we were to each other, that we are still.
Call me by the old familiar name.
Speak of me in the easy way which you always used.
Put no difference into your tone.
Wear no forced air of solemnity or sorrow.
Laugh as we always laughed at the little jokes that we enjoyed together.
Play, smile, think of me, pray for me.
Let my name be ever the household word that it always was.
Let it be spoken without an effort, without the ghost of a shadow upon it.
Life means all that it ever meant.
It is the same as it ever was.
There is absolute and unbroken continuity.
What is this death but a negligible accident?
Why should I be out of mind because I am out of sight?
I am but waiting for you, for an interval,
somewhere very near,
just round the corner.
All is well.
Nothing is hurt; nothing is lost.
One brief moment and all will be as it was before.
How we shall laugh at the trouble of parting when we meet again!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2015
Posts: 715
Good morning,
I ran across the poem above a few weeks ago and found much comfort in those words. I hope this helps you also. Big Hug!
I lost my father also. January 3rd will be 4 years. Wow, I can't believe that it's been that long already. I just realized it when I just wrote that down. It was a brief illness, just shy of 4 months when we found out he was sick until the day he passed. I remember the day we received his diagnosis. All I could think was "how am I supposed to live without my father?" I couldn't fathom my life without him in it, but we just do. It's not the same but it is what it is.
Funny thing is, they are still around. I believe with my whole heart that he is watching, guiding and always with me. This I know to be true.
My heart goes out to you tater, I know exactly how you feel. Just know that he is with you, if you pay attention you will see the signs. This is a rough time of the year for me also, my fathers favorite, Christmas. But I know he's around and for that I feel peaceful.
Xoxo Ro
I ran across the poem above a few weeks ago and found much comfort in those words. I hope this helps you also. Big Hug!
I lost my father also. January 3rd will be 4 years. Wow, I can't believe that it's been that long already. I just realized it when I just wrote that down. It was a brief illness, just shy of 4 months when we found out he was sick until the day he passed. I remember the day we received his diagnosis. All I could think was "how am I supposed to live without my father?" I couldn't fathom my life without him in it, but we just do. It's not the same but it is what it is.
Funny thing is, they are still around. I believe with my whole heart that he is watching, guiding and always with me. This I know to be true.
My heart goes out to you tater, I know exactly how you feel. Just know that he is with you, if you pay attention you will see the signs. This is a rough time of the year for me also, my fathers favorite, Christmas. But I know he's around and for that I feel peaceful.
Xoxo Ro
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