not with the program
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not with the program
Funny (not) Thanksgiving story--
My AH, who I left 2 weeks ago, invited me over for Thanksgiving, so we could all be together for our daughters' sake. Originally his parents said they wouldn't come if I were there (I guess because they are hurt that I left their alcoholic son--even though they have known for several years that this was in the cards if he didn't get sober), and then they relented and decided that being with the granddaughters was more important than shunning the daughter-in-law.
His dad, another high-functioning alcoholic with a longtime enabling wife, showed up with 3 bottles of wine for the 5 adults there, among whom one (his wife) doesn't drink, and another is his newly sober son.
Not with the program, in any sense of the word.
My AH, who I left 2 weeks ago, invited me over for Thanksgiving, so we could all be together for our daughters' sake. Originally his parents said they wouldn't come if I were there (I guess because they are hurt that I left their alcoholic son--even though they have known for several years that this was in the cards if he didn't get sober), and then they relented and decided that being with the granddaughters was more important than shunning the daughter-in-law.
His dad, another high-functioning alcoholic with a longtime enabling wife, showed up with 3 bottles of wine for the 5 adults there, among whom one (his wife) doesn't drink, and another is his newly sober son.
Not with the program, in any sense of the word.
Sober since 10th April 2012
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Location: Perth, Western Australia
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Not very nice for you, with people who didn't want you there, some of whom were drinking heavily.
I hope your AH didn't hit the bottle too hard while you and the girls.
I hope your AH didn't hit the bottle too hard while you and the girls.
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sauerkraut.......lots of irony, there...huh! Such is life with alcoholic families....
Sounds like they have all got their heads buried in the sands of denial.....capital D.....
You are not alone.....just I magine the Thanksgiving family horror stories that abound, on this, the day after Thanksgiving......lol....
At least you were able to leave after the dinner.......
dandylion
Sounds like they have all got their heads buried in the sands of denial.....capital D.....
You are not alone.....just I magine the Thanksgiving family horror stories that abound, on this, the day after Thanksgiving......lol....
At least you were able to leave after the dinner.......
dandylion
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
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Good God almighty-sounds like my exs family! Well, actually there would be a LOT more than a few bottles of wine if it was my exs family. Denial with a capital D and heads in the sand. Pretty sad all around. Sorry, friend-you don't have to participate in anything with them-and you also can lay down some boundaries and not attend these drinking functions. Probably time to start focusing on daughter rather than this alcoholic clan-yikes-they're on their own!
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Originally Posted by sauerkraut 
His dad, another high-functioning alcoholic with a longtime enabling wife, showed up with 3 bottles of wine for the 5 adults there, among whom one (his wife) doesn't drink, and another is his newly sober son.
Take care of your daughter and yourself
all else will work out in time.
MB
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Yikes, but not surprising in the least. One Christmas, I had one of my top three alcoholic wehav episodes. I showed up drunk. I had been dabbling in recovery, didn't know what I was really doing yet, and relapsed after six months. The next day, I went to aa in the area (my hometown, but 2000 miles from where I live).
I started working hard to right my wrongs and embrace my recovery.
Three days after that, I visited my fathers for dinner. He offered me wine. I think in his mind, to prove I wasn't an alcoholic. That Christmas was just some awful fluke. He was gentle when I said no thank you. My step mother then went on a o offer me wine and least 5 more times throughout the evening. Her first husband was an alcoholic.
Families are weird. I hope your a was able to navigate that minefield with grace. It can be done.
I started working hard to right my wrongs and embrace my recovery.
Three days after that, I visited my fathers for dinner. He offered me wine. I think in his mind, to prove I wasn't an alcoholic. That Christmas was just some awful fluke. He was gentle when I said no thank you. My step mother then went on a o offer me wine and least 5 more times throughout the evening. Her first husband was an alcoholic.
Families are weird. I hope your a was able to navigate that minefield with grace. It can be done.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: Texas
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Sigh-this is all to familiar territory for me. It was like a three ring circus with my exs family-alcoholism, denial and enabling were the main three aspects of most relationships. I recall my exs cousin showing up at Christmas a few years ago fresh out of her 4th (?) attempt at rehab after trying to kill herself-shows up and my lovely SIL and BIL are already drunk in the afternoon and my then husband is well on his way. I mentioned to my mom what had happened to their cousin so my mom and I decided to drink coke and water to help support her (I had quit drinking at that point). We are sitting there and the topic is how much more booze to go get-bc like any good alcoholic family, you can't have a holiday without booze-that would be unthinkable!!! 
talk about heads in the sand!
The family that gets drunk together, sticks together? Or some crap like that? Ugh.
Friend-just glad you wee able to leave!
talk about heads in the sand!The family that gets drunk together, sticks together? Or some crap like that? Ugh.
Friend-just glad you wee able to leave!
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Join Date: Oct 2014
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Feeling Great and Santa--
I should have clarified: nobody but his dad and sister drank, and mostly just his dad. After grandpa realized no one else was drinking and polished off the first bottle, he didn't open another. He went home with two full bottles last night. And yes, Dandylion, if it had turned into a booze fest, how wonderful it would have felt to have been able to take my daughters and say "goodbye." It feels great to be able to leave.
BTW my father-in-law's family history illustrates the horrible toll and insidiousness of alcoholism. Both of his parents and his step-mother died of alcoholic related issues. His mom died after passing out in bed with a lit cigarette, which caught the house on fire. Then 12 years old, my father-in-law came home from school and was the first person on the scene, trying to pull his mom out of the fire.
This is the same man who, last Christmas when I first opened up to him about the issues with his son's drinking said with a laugh, "well I'm not going to have a dry Christmas," as if that would have been the unthinkable end of the world.
It's okay now. The girls and I are away, my husband is trying to change, and his family knows that it's serious . . . even if his dad still chooses denial.
I should have clarified: nobody but his dad and sister drank, and mostly just his dad. After grandpa realized no one else was drinking and polished off the first bottle, he didn't open another. He went home with two full bottles last night. And yes, Dandylion, if it had turned into a booze fest, how wonderful it would have felt to have been able to take my daughters and say "goodbye." It feels great to be able to leave.
BTW my father-in-law's family history illustrates the horrible toll and insidiousness of alcoholism. Both of his parents and his step-mother died of alcoholic related issues. His mom died after passing out in bed with a lit cigarette, which caught the house on fire. Then 12 years old, my father-in-law came home from school and was the first person on the scene, trying to pull his mom out of the fire.
This is the same man who, last Christmas when I first opened up to him about the issues with his son's drinking said with a laugh, "well I'm not going to have a dry Christmas," as if that would have been the unthinkable end of the world.
It's okay now. The girls and I are away, my husband is trying to change, and his family knows that it's serious . . . even if his dad still chooses denial.
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I hope your husband's sobriety will continue! From your past posts, he has been making attempts and then relapsing for a long time. But it sounds like you have your focus in the right place, on building a peaceful life for you and your kids...
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