LexieCat

Well, you might spend some time reading these forums. The only people I know of who actually DID get to a place where their alcoholic made lasting changes had it happen over a period of many months/years, with slow and often painful progress. There simply aren't magical transformations with roses.

Oh, and I just noticed you said, "knocking on my door with roses promising to change." That actually DOES happen pretty often (not always with roses but same concept)--the promises mean squat unless there is follow-through. You might count yourself fortunate you don't have to hear empty promises on top of everything else.

Uplifting

For me, and I held onto false hope for some time and in many harmful ways, was to realize and feel that the pain I was putting myself through at the hands of this fantasy and false hope was destroying me. I started to take better care of myself independent of him, Alanon, getting really honest and sharing more in therapy and with close safe friends, reading books that are uplifting, disciplining myself with daily meditations, and surrounding myself with anything that will help to uplift my spirits. Slowly. I am still working on it, it's only been about 3 weeks since I have been no contact with my exAbf and that's the longest in 2 years and never thought I could make it this long and do it. Little by little. I also recite the serenity prayer every morning and try to live and breathe it!

honeypig

Gemlitigate, I'm in that place of struggling to let go too. My brain knows better; it knows that nothing at all has changed on XAH's end at any point over the past 7 years since I became aware of the drinking or in the years prior to that before I knew. But my heart somehow cannot turn loose of the hopes and dreams it has had for so many years.

I've been listening to guided meditations on letting go (YouTube is littered with them, of all types and lengths) and found some help there. I've looked on the internet and found a number of ceremonies for releasing thoughts, control, etc., and I plan to use some of these over the coming weeks, too. If this isn't too "woo woo" for you, you might look into it.

Hope you find some help w/this--I know it's tough...

TakingCharge999

I feel it is a gift when they don't come back trying to woo you. In the end there is only more pain and more broken promises. So you are saving yourself that.

Yes it might hurt a lot at first but then you are free to meet people who actually care and are honest and don't have to apologize for anything because they are basically, decent and respectful. I know "other people" is not exactly what one wants to hear when things are recent... but then you start interacting with such people, even if only as friends, and it is kind of refreshing...

Don't lose hope in true love and understanding,.. I feel it exists. I also feel it can exist for me...for you, for everyone reading this. I imagine a true relationship, with love and sharing and soul, and hope and deep care. So all this pain and processing can be seen as preparation for that....