SparkleKitty

Honey, what would you give to have your life back again?

Zircon

This this hemmorage, I was very lucky. I lost my vision in my right eye, and suffer from severe pain and very odd sensations and weakness on my right side. I work everyday as a IV nurse and a trauma nurse. I would like just one day, back with my old body. Just one day to remember what it feels like to be whole again.
I would give my life for him to get well. My ah is so lucky to have his body. I sincerely mean it. I have seen so much as a nurse and will probably see much more. It definitely makes you appreciate what you have.

SparkleKitty

Here's the thing: you can't give your life for him to get well.

By that I mean, you could: you could drive yourself into the ground trying to create an environment for healing, to encourage, nag, cajole, beg, plead, bargain, support, love, all of it...but the power to embrace recovery will only come from him. The power to understand and appreciate what he has, and to be grateful enough to let that motivate to recovery exists solely within him. You cannot give that to him.

Alternatively, you can, give all you've got to making YOUR life better, no matter what he does or doesn't do. To taking care of yourself, to doing things that make you happy, to creating relationships of support and understanding and gratitude. You may not be able to go back to your old physical self before the brain hemorrhage, that's true, but you can find a new peace, a new strength, and a new hope if you choose to love and support yourself with the same ferocity you currently have focused on him. This is not selfish. This is self-care. This is the kind of love we can ONLY receive from ourselves, the ONLY one we count on for the rest of our lives, the ONLY one that reliably save us from despair and loneliness in hard times.

I hope you give yourself the same chances you would so willingly give to him. Many hugs.

healthyagain

You know what? You can get your life back! You deserve to be happy! No one has right to take happiness from you! Your life is your life, and he does not deserve you. He does not treat you right. I used to think just like you. I would have given everything for my h to get better. But alcoholism is a selfish disease. While you are ready to give everything to him (I 100% believe you when you say you would give your life), he will not give even 1% in return. But as an alcoholic, he will sacrifice himself and everyone else for alcohol. You deserve a better treatment. You truly do.

FeelingGreat

Zircon, go see a lawyer and get advice on how you can separate from him. Frankly the more you tell us about him the worse he sounds. He seems to be a verbal bully who you can't talk to without him over-riding you.
Reach out for help. Are their services that you can go to? Maybe a counselling service connected to work?
You seem depressed and unable to assert yourself or see a way out. Have you spoken to your doctor? I'm sure there's a fabulous woman inside, waiting to get out once you get through the trauma of your stroke and you current circumstances.

Geewhizz

Hi zircon, I know the feeling. it always comes back to us needing to change our expectations and understanding, seems so unfair and out of whack but I have found as the haze clears and the sadness settles in acceptance will follow. The situation is what it is. I have been reading so much on here about codependency and letting the A in your life fall and find their own rock bottom.
I had the same misgivings as you, where will he go? How will he live? Even this morning I had a real fear that he would commit suicide, (no proof just no contact). Later on in the day I had a message, sigh of relief, over the top sense of all being okay.....but I realised the mind games and my addiction to looking out for him and rescuing him hijacks my mind just as his addiction to drinking overtakes him.
I wish you peace and hope you find the path that leads you to happiness.