DoubleDragons

Just when I think that I have come to a level of acceptance and surrender with my mom's alcoholism, mornings like today have me surging with anger that I can actually feel in my body. After a nasty 3 day bender in which she was barely coherent, she tries to talk to me today like nothing is wrong, like she is a normal, nice, loving and concerned mother and grandmother. I am done begging her to quit, yelling, acting sweet and concerned, etc. etc. I know and understand the 3 Cs. I truly have given her "disease" to God, so why I am so angry today that I could spit??!? I actually feel more pissed today than the three days previous when she was hammered.

biminiblue

I'm sorry, DD.

SparkleKitty

The three-day binge is to be expected. The sweeping it under the rug and pretending it never happened is MORE infuriating. It's okay. I'm sorry and I know exactly how you feel. You do not have to pretend. I'm glad you're done trying to change her. Honor this anger and you will soon be able to let it go.

FireSprite

(((((hugs)))))

^You answered your own question, I think? It's hard to not engage when someone is so obviously walking around Big Pink Elephants; it's tiring to keep up the charade of pretending & hard not to feel like you're playing along when you finally detach & aren't calling it out.... like you're feeding the illusion. It's insanity, up close & personal.

Hangnbyathread

Yep. Most of us have been there. Mine would disappear for 5 days and then text me, asking if she needed to pick up anything at the store and what did I want for dinner that night?

I responded with I've been making dinner for the past 4 days, I can manage it tonight.

Then she comes home and acted like nothing was unusual.

LifeRecovery

I think being detached from someone else's behavior does not mean that we are detached from our emotions.

That has been really confusing to me as I am on this recovery journey. Actually as I got better detached from a loved ones behaviors I started to get more emotional.

I am finally realizing that NOT feeling for most of my life means it is stored up for me to work on right now (which sometimes means having bigger emotional reactions than what I anticipate from myself).

Our emotions and what we do with them for me is what recovery is all about. I want to commend you for making huge changes in how you react/behave to her stuff....to me it does not mean you don't have to feel.

alphaomega

I'm so sorry friend. I think perhaps you are so angry because you have worked so very hard on your sobriety and her being so in your face about it, and then so nonchalant, is infact, quite infuriating.

It's like a slap to your tenacity and perseverance. I get it, I really do.

Liveitwell

Hangingbyathread-oh my!! You hit the nail on the head! My ex would do the same thing-just pretend nothing happened and expect things to be normal. And if I didn't act normal or actually had feelings about what he had said or done while drunk, I was called more names. Sick, sick.

Hawkeye13

Hugs DD--I carried anger about my Mom's drinking so long and it was worse when she'd act "normal" after unmitigated nasty drunk benders.

Feel it fully, express it safely, and let it go.
Isn't it wonderful your children will never have to feel like this?

LexieCat

Yeah, I'm usually good in a crisis, but I start feeling things once the crisis is over.

Hugs!

hopeful4

I send my hugs too DD!!!

DoubleDragons

Thank you all so much! I can't tell you how much it means to get support from people who truly understand. You are a Godsend!!