A little ramble...
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 77
A little ramble...
Part of my "no contact" order does state that he can talk to me in regards to our daughter. Now, since he is in jail everything is recorded and the conversations are limited to about 15 minutes. He asked to speak with me the other day (regarding our daughter and school). I gave him very simple answers (I was more than civil). At the end of the conversations he says "You know, I do miss you, boo" (he hasn't called me that in years). While it did tug at my heart a bit, I just took a breath and said "I know. When are you calling again?" He stumbled all over his words and the then time ran out for the call. I am kind of proud of myself because I refused to get drawn in to a conversation about "us".
The kids and I have done more living in the past 2 months than we have in the past 2 years since he has been gone. My daughter and I made a wreath together this weekend (something I like to do) and my son and I started creating the pieces to redecorate his room. And while I am not back to painting yet (something I used to do all the time) at least I am creating again.
Of course, I say all of this...but honestly, right now it is easy (well, not easy but you know what I mean). He is in jail. He can't come by to see me, he can't run in to me at the store or just happen to show up somewhere. I am just hopeful that he will be in jail long enough for me to get strong enough to not get sucked back in to the drama (we aren't getting back together--Im not putting my kids through that).
I also can't live in the land of "what if". He is where he is and for at least the next few months I don't have to worry about it (he has a second docket call in November so it is going to be some time before he is even sentenced at this rate). I guess I am luckier than some...I have a guaranteed break from him ( he can't afford to bond out) which is making this easier.
The kids and I have done more living in the past 2 months than we have in the past 2 years since he has been gone. My daughter and I made a wreath together this weekend (something I like to do) and my son and I started creating the pieces to redecorate his room. And while I am not back to painting yet (something I used to do all the time) at least I am creating again.
Of course, I say all of this...but honestly, right now it is easy (well, not easy but you know what I mean). He is in jail. He can't come by to see me, he can't run in to me at the store or just happen to show up somewhere. I am just hopeful that he will be in jail long enough for me to get strong enough to not get sucked back in to the drama (we aren't getting back together--Im not putting my kids through that).
I also can't live in the land of "what if". He is where he is and for at least the next few months I don't have to worry about it (he has a second docket call in November so it is going to be some time before he is even sentenced at this rate). I guess I am luckier than some...I have a guaranteed break from him ( he can't afford to bond out) which is making this easier.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
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Hi Hexx, it sounds like you and the children are thriving without the uncertainty of having him around. Your craft projects are just the thing to spend time with them and build up their confidence. I'm so happy for you.
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Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: The Beach
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I'm so happy to hear you are getting your creativity back!!!
The same thing happened to me a couple of months ago. I picked up some colored pencils and started sketching/doodling... a week later I bought paints and brushes. I haven't created any masterpieces yet but it felt so damn good to WANT to paint again. I hadn't forgotten that creative side of my soul but it was very dormant for a long time. Yay for awakenings!
The same thing happened to me a couple of months ago. I picked up some colored pencils and started sketching/doodling... a week later I bought paints and brushes. I haven't created any masterpieces yet but it felt so damn good to WANT to paint again. I hadn't forgotten that creative side of my soul but it was very dormant for a long time. Yay for awakenings!
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Sounds like you're doing great, hexx. You handled his attempt to manipulate you on the phone perfectly. "I know." Acknowledgement without engagement. Good job!
And it sounds as if you and the kids are thriving. Life is so much better without the constant anxiety, isn't it?
One thing, you might want to talk with your advocate and/or the prosecutor about notification when he comes up for parole. You can ask the parole board to put a no-contact condition on his parole. Not a bad idea to have that in place, as well as a protective order.
And it sounds as if you and the kids are thriving. Life is so much better without the constant anxiety, isn't it?
One thing, you might want to talk with your advocate and/or the prosecutor about notification when he comes up for parole. You can ask the parole board to put a no-contact condition on his parole. Not a bad idea to have that in place, as well as a protective order.
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 77
Thanks everyone!
FeelingGreat--I would agree that the kids and I are thriving without him here. Its not like he ever told me I couldn't do things, but I knew the inevitable guilt trip/ fall out I would get at some point later for doing stuff that I liked/the kids liked.
And yes, SmallButMighty, just WANTING to paint again is something amazing for me.
Lexie, the restraining order I have does include the "no contact" clause and spells out custody (the was before his child abuse charge) post release. It does not have an expiration date so even when he does get out it will be in place. That is great advice about the parole board though( I had no idea about that ). Every extra bit of anything I can have on my side is all the better.
Its kind of funny, I was thinking today about the fact that I am single parent now (not the first time I have thought this). Then I thought about how it is different from when he was here. The answer is that it isn't. Outside of getting my daughter to and from school, there is nothing that I am doing now that I wasn't doing then. It makes it a little easier I think.
FeelingGreat--I would agree that the kids and I are thriving without him here. Its not like he ever told me I couldn't do things, but I knew the inevitable guilt trip/ fall out I would get at some point later for doing stuff that I liked/the kids liked.
And yes, SmallButMighty, just WANTING to paint again is something amazing for me.
Lexie, the restraining order I have does include the "no contact" clause and spells out custody (the was before his child abuse charge) post release. It does not have an expiration date so even when he does get out it will be in place. That is great advice about the parole board though( I had no idea about that ). Every extra bit of anything I can have on my side is all the better.
Its kind of funny, I was thinking today about the fact that I am single parent now (not the first time I have thought this). Then I thought about how it is different from when he was here. The answer is that it isn't. Outside of getting my daughter to and from school, there is nothing that I am doing now that I wasn't doing then. It makes it a little easier I think.
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