Karma always bites me
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: michigan
Posts: 296
Karma always bites me
Last night after being upset at work, I came home and mutilated a couple of cupcakes that ah got for his birthday. Cleaned up the mess and chilled out. Bad behavior but being pushed and poked and trying to behave and trying to do the right thing and being out down got to me.
Well dear daughter who is getting her wisdom teeth out today told on me to ah. Who called his lawyer and told him I am having crazy behavior and I am instable. And the good news is he is looking for a house to rent.
Of course I get a email from my lawyer wanting to know what happened and got scolded for it.
Yet he does whatever he wants with no recourse.
So sick of him.
Well dear daughter who is getting her wisdom teeth out today told on me to ah. Who called his lawyer and told him I am having crazy behavior and I am instable. And the good news is he is looking for a house to rent.
Of course I get a email from my lawyer wanting to know what happened and got scolded for it.
Yet he does whatever he wants with no recourse.
So sick of him.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
cricket.....under the circumstances...if all you did was smash a couple of cupcakes...so what?! Nobody was hurt...nobody is dead. Everybody is going to live, for Pete's sake.
The whole group can go and suck rocks. That includes your lawyer, in my opinion. He has probably never lived with an out of control, vindective alcoholic.
It is not good to have a habit of stuffing your emotions down all of the time. I wonder if you have been doing this for a very long time...? Eventually, they will have to come out someway....
When you are feeling like a pressure cooker, inside....I absol utely believe th at the wailing wall exercise is on of the best that you can do.
(I am sure that y ou have read my description of this to others on this forum...lol).
I'm telling you that there was a time that it saved me from the edge of "crazy" at one time....
dandylion
? I thought that your husband was already living out of the house....I guess I forgot....
The whole group can go and suck rocks. That includes your lawyer, in my opinion. He has probably never lived with an out of control, vindective alcoholic.
It is not good to have a habit of stuffing your emotions down all of the time. I wonder if you have been doing this for a very long time...? Eventually, they will have to come out someway....
When you are feeling like a pressure cooker, inside....I absol utely believe th at the wailing wall exercise is on of the best that you can do.
(I am sure that y ou have read my description of this to others on this forum...lol).
I'm telling you that there was a time that it saved me from the edge of "crazy" at one time....
dandylion
? I thought that your husband was already living out of the house....I guess I forgot....
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
Cricket has asked me to describe the wailing wall.....so, I will do it here, so that anyone reading this can, maybe, utilize it. I swear to you that it works when you actually do it...
You find a PRIVATE place where you feel alone and "safe" from prying eyes and ears. Like...drive to an isolated area or go to the edge of a large field or the edge of the woods. ( I, personally, like the edge of the woods).
You pretend that the person, or group of persons, that you are so angry with, is a few feet in front of you.
Then....you let it fly....everything that you think and feel deep in your heart. ALL of it. Do it with no censorship... Say every bad thing and use any bad and ugly words that come to your mind. No censorship. If it happens to sound "ugly"....so much the better....because it gets the ugliness out of your system...where it does you the m ost damage.
Do it loud....and cry if the tears come. Scream. Scream and cry until the snot flows and your makeup runs and your eyes are puffy.
This is for you and the Universe, alone.
Do it until you are exhausted of all your steam to continue.
I have actually done it when I was alone in the house...and, I knew there were no neighbors to hear me--- I have done the mini-exercise when I just talk out loud and say all the angry thoughts on my mind.
I swear, it is better than a valium, any old day....
dandylion
You find a PRIVATE place where you feel alone and "safe" from prying eyes and ears. Like...drive to an isolated area or go to the edge of a large field or the edge of the woods. ( I, personally, like the edge of the woods).
You pretend that the person, or group of persons, that you are so angry with, is a few feet in front of you.
Then....you let it fly....everything that you think and feel deep in your heart. ALL of it. Do it with no censorship... Say every bad thing and use any bad and ugly words that come to your mind. No censorship. If it happens to sound "ugly"....so much the better....because it gets the ugliness out of your system...where it does you the m ost damage.
Do it loud....and cry if the tears come. Scream. Scream and cry until the snot flows and your makeup runs and your eyes are puffy.
This is for you and the Universe, alone.
Do it until you are exhausted of all your steam to continue.
I have actually done it when I was alone in the house...and, I knew there were no neighbors to hear me--- I have done the mini-exercise when I just talk out loud and say all the angry thoughts on my mind.
I swear, it is better than a valium, any old day....
dandylion
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Good grief, he called his lawyer over CUPCAKES? I have a feeling a lot of what he does is to provoke you into reacting so he can paint an unflattering picture of you.
I hope you can get a better living situation soon. This is untenable on so many levels.
I hope you can get a better living situation soon. This is untenable on so many levels.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: michigan
Posts: 296
Yes anything to poke at me and get me to react. Most of the time I don't because I don't want to give him anything to work with. But sometimes a person has to have a outlet. This is an example of when I do stand up for myself (even if it's really small and wrong) it gets worse for me.
Like I said the good news is he is looking for a place to rent
bad news is I don't think he will find a place that will take 2 dogs. Of course they can stay here with the unstable one. Lol
Like I said the good news is he is looking for a place to rent
bad news is I don't think he will find a place that will take 2 dogs. Of course they can stay here with the unstable one. Lol
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Join Date: Aug 2011
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Cricket.....it seems like hardly a day passes without some "low blow" from your husband or family that hurts you in your heart and self-esteem. And, it looks like your husband is leading the charge, most of the time.
I think that living i n an abusive relationship over time leaves you very vulnerable to this. It erodes your self-confidence and your self esteem. One can begin to believe the things that are said about them and become afraid to trust your o wn thoughts and opinions. Sometimes it feel like living in a fog where it is even hard to think, sometimes....
He is abusive and that it wrong. It is not your fault that he is abusive. You have a right to NOT live this kind of life.
The way to reclaim your self and your peace of mind and your position as a respected member of this family is to put Time and Distance between yourself and your husband.
This means that you will have to detach enough and put in your own personal boundaries. THEN, you can be free fro m the harassment enough to focus on your own personal issues.
Time and Distance. Detachment and Boundaries.
Those are the keys.....
Thoughts......?
dandylion
I think that living i n an abusive relationship over time leaves you very vulnerable to this. It erodes your self-confidence and your self esteem. One can begin to believe the things that are said about them and become afraid to trust your o wn thoughts and opinions. Sometimes it feel like living in a fog where it is even hard to think, sometimes....
He is abusive and that it wrong. It is not your fault that he is abusive. You have a right to NOT live this kind of life.
The way to reclaim your self and your peace of mind and your position as a respected member of this family is to put Time and Distance between yourself and your husband.
This means that you will have to detach enough and put in your own personal boundaries. THEN, you can be free fro m the harassment enough to focus on your own personal issues.
Time and Distance. Detachment and Boundaries.
Those are the keys.....
Thoughts......?
dandylion
Member
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Houston, TX
Posts: 137
Originally Posted by cricket123 
Last night after being upset at work, I came home and mutilated a couple of cupcakes that ah got for his birthday. Cleaned up the mess and chilled out. Bad behavior but being pushed and poked and trying to behave and trying to do the right thing and being out down got to me.
Well dear daughter who is getting her wisdom teeth out today told on me to ah. Who called his lawyer and told him I am having crazy behavior and I am instable. And the good news is he is looking for a house to rent.
Of course I get a email from my lawyer wanting to know what happened and got scolded for it.
Yet he does whatever he wants with no recourse.
So sick of him.
Well dear daughter who is getting her wisdom teeth out today told on me to ah. Who called his lawyer and told him I am having crazy behavior and I am instable. And the good news is he is looking for a house to rent.
Of course I get a email from my lawyer wanting to know what happened and got scolded for it.
Yet he does whatever he wants with no recourse.
So sick of him.
when all else fails trying to beat the game of karma,
what I found works is either
* complete forgiveness of oneself and others for how we are
* radical acceptance, tolerance, letting go of all guilt about it
* using reverse psychology
The minute you find something good in what you dread,
that cancels it out. Like finally being at peace with "not having a boyfriend/girlfriend" so you can finally focus on getting A, B, C done. And once you get all excited, then guess what, someone comes into your life and hijacks all that free time you were so excited about spending on a project you'd been putting off. See how it works?
It's like Murphy's Law. If you want it to rain, go wash your car.
If you want someone to call, go jump in the shower.
Once you know how the game works, you can jump right in and accept the rules, and deal with it.
No guilt, no fear or shame, just acceptance.
And once you truly accept it, then the rules change again!
Isn't life grand. Enjoy!
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: atlanta, ga
Posts: 3,581
What's he going to do next? Put out a warrant for your arrest for destruction of property? LOL. He sounds ridiculous.
I do that wailing thing in my car all the time. I have conversations where I tell people everything I have ever wanted to say to them. Thank God for Blue Tooth so I don't look like a crazy woman talking to nobody.
Next time just eat the cupcakes.
I do that wailing thing in my car all the time. I have conversations where I tell people everything I have ever wanted to say to them. Thank God for Blue Tooth so I don't look like a crazy woman talking to nobody
.Next time just eat the cupcakes.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 6
I am laughing reading this......I have thrown pizza like ninja stars at my AH after being provoked and he gathered my kids to say "look what your mom did to me" I had to put my tail between my legs say I was wrong and clean up the mess praying God help me get some self control....
He would use these tactics to say look at what you did and it took away from what he did.....
Don't be hard on yourself from these mistakes we learn
He would use these tactics to say look at what you did and it took away from what he did.....
Don't be hard on yourself from these mistakes we learn
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: michigan
Posts: 296
I would of loved to throw them at him. And I would enjoy cleaning up the mess too. My lawyer wants me to apologize to him tomorrow at mediation. I can say the words I just won't feel remorse .
He deserves a turn over a knee and a trip to the wood shed. The hypocrite.
He deserves a turn over a knee and a trip to the wood shed. The hypocrite.
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Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 16,246
WHAT?!!! I don't think I have ever told anybody to not listen to their lawyer----but this sounds beyond the pale.....
You don't have to apologize to h im unless YOU want to---of your own decision.
Why would you do that?!! Don't YOU be a hypocrit by apologising for something you are not sorry for just because somebody told you to. It is not a court order!
dandylion
You don't have to apologize to h im unless YOU want to---of your own decision.
Why would you do that?!! Don't YOU be a hypocrit by apologising for something you are not sorry for just because somebody told you to. It is not a court order!
dandylion
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Join Date: Jul 2015
Location: California, USA
Posts: 625
Apologize for what? Smashing cupcakes in your own house? Why does he get an apology? I too am not fond of your attorney's advice. And I would be mad at having to pay legal fees for such a foolish reason.
Just like the wailing wall, throwing things can be cathartic. No one was hurt. No property was damaged. I'm thinking there are more important things to discuss in mediation than what you choose to do with a food item.
Are they trying to wear you down?
Sorry to jump in on your conversation but I just had to offer my support. Get mad.
Just like the wailing wall, throwing things can be cathartic. No one was hurt. No property was damaged. I'm thinking there are more important things to discuss in mediation than what you choose to do with a food item.
Are they trying to wear you down?
Sorry to jump in on your conversation but I just had to offer my support. Get mad.
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: michigan
Posts: 296
Yup I am wore down But I'm kinda fond of the phonix though. Not sure if I will apologize probably not.
Not too fond of her advise either. But she's trying to keep things calm. I think she's tired of us. I don't blame her. I'm sick of him.
Not too fond of her advise either. But she's trying to keep things calm. I think she's tired of us. I don't blame her. I'm sick of him.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
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Your lawyer is WAY out of line.
Is there some reason you need to go through this mediation exercise? It's next to impossible for mediation to be successful when one of the parties is abusive and controlling.
Is there some reason you need to go through this mediation exercise? It's next to impossible for mediation to be successful when one of the parties is abusive and controlling.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Posts: 6
I would say I'm sorry you weren't in the house when I was smashing cupcakes I was hoping to smash one in your face lol.....
As silly as it is I would apologize and move on and never do it again (or let him hear about it) because I would never want to apologize for something that silly again!
I don't know if this applies to you as it did me....but my husband is a big fat hypocrite too and it was hard for me to apologize for my tiny tiny ant mistakes while he was making huge elephant mistakes but I learned to be responsible for only myself and let go of my pride and be the bigger person and set an example.
You could say I apologize that my cupcake party offended you
As silly as it is I would apologize and move on and never do it again (or let him hear about it) because I would never want to apologize for something that silly again!
I don't know if this applies to you as it did me....but my husband is a big fat hypocrite too and it was hard for me to apologize for my tiny tiny ant mistakes while he was making huge elephant mistakes but I learned to be responsible for only myself and let go of my pride and be the bigger person and set an example.
You could say I apologize that my cupcake party offended you
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Join Date: Feb 2015
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Originally Posted by LexieCat
Your lawyer is WAY out of line.
Is there some reason you need to go through this mediation exercise? It's next to impossible for mediation to be successful when one of the parties is abusive and controlling.
Is there some reason you need to go through this mediation exercise? It's next to impossible for mediation to be successful when one of the parties is abusive and controlling.
Thank you Lexi!! I was thinking the same thing!!
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: michigan
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Not being a divorce lawyer, I am thinking that if one of us refuses to try mediation it will look bad for them. Also I am thinking it gives a third party an option to evaluate what exactly is going on. I am having litte hope this will work, as he turned down our settlement. However he has to pay the majority of the cost tomorrow so we will see. 
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