hopeful4

Well friends, I am coming to some realizations about myself. My XAH is going to continue his jerky ways. His drinking will continue. He will continue chaos. However.....I find myself unable to NOT respond when he starts his little nit picking and lying.

I try to understand where it's coming from. I try to make sense of what he is saying. I try to communicate with him in a positive way for our children.

WHAT A WASTE OF MY TIME AND EFFORT!

Yesterday we had a communication about something pretty mundane. I guess he was texting someone else after that and said, "God, I hate my X." Well, he mistakenly sent it to my DD's phone, who was literally sitting right next to me in a booth at a restaurant. She just said, "Wow, what an idiot." I however, sent him a text about it, and drama ensued.

After all of this happened, I sat back and thought to myself, why did I even waste my breath and my thoughts on this? I let it bother me during a nice lunch with my eldest DD. I don't spend much one on one time w/her, she is a teenager, she's busy. I was more mad at myself after it happened than anything.

I am going to work very very hard to not let him have that sort of power over me any longer. Just because he says something does not mean I have to respond. And I KNOW BETTER than to try to rationalize the thoughts of a narcissist, alcoholic man. It's not even possible. So why try??

On a more positive note, I got the first child support payment in almost an entire year this past weekend. His fiancé is paying it from his account, and believe me, I would much rather deal with her than him. And....I 100% have faith she will make sure now that he is working that it will be paid. I am letting him make the payments weekly b/c he is paid weekly. It works better for me too b/c my pay dates just changed, and this will give me some pay each week. It will basically buy groceries for the week LOL, but I will take it!

Thank you for letting me ramble. I can only change one thing, and that is how I react. I am going to put my focus back on that and calm my life way way down.

Much love to all of you! XXX

Liveitwell

Good for you, friend! Yes-you are absolutely correct-why even try to rationalize with a narcisstic alcoholic and their crazy ramblings! Better to just not respond and go on with your day. Blessings to you!

Katchie

Bless your heart, but GOOD for you! You sound so good and strong, what a wonderful thing! I let most of my stbxa's calls go to voice mail and listen to them when I have a moment or when I feel like it. Often I will respond to his calls with a text that is a direct answer to whatever he is asking me and no more. I feel like he calls so he can hook me into other conversations and I'm just uninterested, so this approach is working great for me. I make sure his call has it's own special ring tone -- Tammy Wynette's D-I-V-O-R-C-E...makes me chuckle every time I hear it and puts everything in it's proper perspective automatically.

FeelingGreat

He is a jerk Hopeful, but his fiancee sounds too good for him.
I applaud your decision to deal with her, and from my own experience I can tell you that if you make an effort with her it will pay off in the long-run.

You are doing the right thing in not letting him goad you, because almost all his anger is a reflection on himself. It's like we hate things in ourselves and project them onto other people.

hopeful4

This is soooo true. It's frustrating b/c his fiancé is a big "talker" and likes to talk things through when it could be more brief. However, no matter what I think about her, she loves my kids and will do the right thing by them. She will make sure I get paid. That's enough for me. She is definitely too good for him and I've told her that. Here eyes are wide open, she knows what she is dealing with. I don't get it, but I don't have to get that part of it either.

Thanks guys. It's going to be a lot easier said than done as he makes me so very mad, but I know it will pay off in the long run.

XXX Hugs to all!

knowthetriggers

^^Bravo, well said!!!!