Unbelievable - true colors showing?
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: michigan
Posts: 296
Unbelievable - true colors showing?
Well DS (171/2 year old) had to talk to the judge today. While at the courthouse everything was fine with him he had his talk and headed home (all 3 of us drove seprate so neither parent could corner him and influence him) to get ready for a concert the 2 girls, myself, and ds we were going to.
Ds told the judge he was very upset with us and he wanted to do what he wanted to do and told the judge his goals for his senior year and did not want to be involved in our BS.(good for him I do not blame him at all)
Do the judge ruled joint legal, and physical custody until he graduates.
Well somewhere in the time I left the courthouse and the time I got home I was not sure what happened.
I came home and Ds was upset with me and did not want to go with us, told me I was stealing his dad's money and I should not of put him in the middle if I was going to do was use him to got money from his dad.
He packed a bag and had gone to his aunts. I am ok with that because he needs to be away from us.
Went to concert with the girls had a good time. Texted DS good night and ended up have a good conversation with him. It appears that he is under the impression I should not take any money from his dad for him. (I'm not sure I have a choice but what I would get might feed him for 2 out of 4 weeks) and his dad is going to disown him. Grrrr he want to hire a lawyer and become emancipated so I told him I would help him with that. He's still very upset.
We took my daughters car tonight when we got home my SUV doors were all opened and he had pulled a bunch of my stuff out of my bedroom. Remotes to the TVs are missing and who know what else.
Not sure what to expect next or in the morning
Ds told the judge he was very upset with us and he wanted to do what he wanted to do and told the judge his goals for his senior year and did not want to be involved in our BS.(good for him I do not blame him at all)
Do the judge ruled joint legal, and physical custody until he graduates.
Well somewhere in the time I left the courthouse and the time I got home I was not sure what happened.
I came home and Ds was upset with me and did not want to go with us, told me I was stealing his dad's money and I should not of put him in the middle if I was going to do was use him to got money from his dad.
He packed a bag and had gone to his aunts. I am ok with that because he needs to be away from us.
Went to concert with the girls had a good time. Texted DS good night and ended up have a good conversation with him. It appears that he is under the impression I should not take any money from his dad for him. (I'm not sure I have a choice but what I would get might feed him for 2 out of 4 weeks) and his dad is going to disown him. Grrrr he want to hire a lawyer and become emancipated so I told him I would help him with that. He's still very upset.
We took my daughters car tonight when we got home my SUV doors were all opened and he had pulled a bunch of my stuff out of my bedroom. Remotes to the TVs are missing and who know what else.
Not sure what to expect next or in the morning
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
There's something very odd about a parent paying a lawyer or providing other assistance to help a child become emancipated. If he wants to be emancipated he has to show he can handle his own life. Let him do what he wants to.
And really, it is not your son's concern who is paying child support. Tell him the court has guidelines for this sort of thing, you didn't write them, but you are going to follow the court's order just as his dad has to. Period. That is a done deal, been decided.
And really, it is not your son's concern who is paying child support. Tell him the court has guidelines for this sort of thing, you didn't write them, but you are going to follow the court's order just as his dad has to. Period. That is a done deal, been decided.
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Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I feel for all of you. What a difficult time. Your son is torn between his father and mother. As the child of divorce, I can tell you that this is an awful place for him to be.
Everyone gets so caught up in their own personal pain during a divorce and everyone is so raw. Understandable that there will be acting out by a teen.
I'm sorry, it sounds stressful.
Everyone gets so caught up in their own personal pain during a divorce and everyone is so raw. Understandable that there will be acting out by a teen.
I'm sorry, it sounds stressful.
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: michigan
Posts: 296
Yeah it does sound odd to help him with this. But by the time anything happens he will be 18 anyways. I am sure he is just torn between us. I don't know what his dad has told him so I am trying to figure out what I can do to help him. I will look into it and go from there.
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Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Ugh, I am so very sorry. What stress.
I am so glad you still made time to go and have a nice time w/ your 2 girls and did not get so caught up that you did not go at all. Your strength and calm will help you during this time.
Many hugs, I second...take care of you!
I am so glad you still made time to go and have a nice time w/ your 2 girls and did not get so caught up that you did not go at all. Your strength and calm will help you during this time.
Many hugs, I second...take care of you!
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Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 2,728
You know what I would do?
Just stand there and do nothing. That boy is allowed to be mad at you two for this mess. Let him work through this at his own pace. As long as he is not hurting himself or others, I would give him space to breathe.
I am so glad AH and I do not have kids!
Just stand there and do nothing. That boy is allowed to be mad at you two for this mess. Let him work through this at his own pace. As long as he is not hurting himself or others, I would give him space to breathe.
I am so glad AH and I do not have kids!
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Join Date: Feb 2015
Posts: 203
Seems to me that emancipate minors need to prove they can be a functioning adult on their own. Since he is living with his aunt and needs money from you to hire an attorney....seems like he doesn't meet the requirements.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
cricket,
From the very beginning of your posting here, I've observed that you seem to be constantly at the mercy of your husband and the kids. You are trying so desperately to make everyone happy and not rock the boat that you are completely losing yourself.
Everyone's happiness is NOT up to you. Let the kids be mad, let the ex be mad. They have a right to feel however they feel, just as you do. The emotions you seem to express the most are fear, sadness, frustration, and a feeling of being victimized. Your kids are not little anymore. It's time for you to start standing up for yourself and doing what is in YOUR best interest.
Let your son and his dad work out their relationship on their own. You can work out your own relationship with your son. If you are supporting your son, you need and deserve the court-ordered support. As upsetting as it may be to feel that your husband is manipulating the kids, try to let it go. They will eventually see what is going on with him.
Hugs,
From the very beginning of your posting here, I've observed that you seem to be constantly at the mercy of your husband and the kids. You are trying so desperately to make everyone happy and not rock the boat that you are completely losing yourself.
Everyone's happiness is NOT up to you. Let the kids be mad, let the ex be mad. They have a right to feel however they feel, just as you do. The emotions you seem to express the most are fear, sadness, frustration, and a feeling of being victimized. Your kids are not little anymore. It's time for you to start standing up for yourself and doing what is in YOUR best interest.
Let your son and his dad work out their relationship on their own. You can work out your own relationship with your son. If you are supporting your son, you need and deserve the court-ordered support. As upsetting as it may be to feel that your husband is manipulating the kids, try to let it go. They will eventually see what is going on with him.
Hugs,
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Join Date: Jun 2010
Posts: 1,388
The first thing reading this that gets me, he wants to hire a lawyer ($$$$) and become emancipated, he does not want his dad's money, but he is ok with you helping him out (and that probably means financially too). And he went to live at his aunt's, for free I assume. He is a young man, hurt and angry and confused (kinda like Rebel Without a Cause). Being 17 is not easy, he probably sees himself as an adult, but maturity comes with age and experience (and taking TV remotes proves that he is not quite there yet). He is trying to find his place under the sun, and well, the situation is as is. But really, why does he blame you so much? It seems like you are the bad guy guilty for divorce in his eyes. So let him do his thing. As long as you know he is safe, it should be fine.
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: michigan
Posts: 296
Yeah I am giving him his space. I always was the one who came up with solutions to problems, but now I am the problem I his eyes.
I don't blame him at all for being mad at both of us, we both have been behaving very childish. I've had enough of us I can only imagine what he feels.
I don't blame him at all for being mad at both of us, we both have been behaving very childish. I've had enough of us I can only imagine what he feels.
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Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: USA
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Shame on his "father" for feeding him with lies how you are stealing $ from him in the name of "support" for said son! Shame! Shame! Shame! DS wants to become emancipated to get out from being legally connected to either one of you. Poor kid!
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Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: michigan
Posts: 296
Yeah I really feel bad about this whole thing. I have tried to tell DS that things are not always as they appear. I still don't know how/why this is his issue. I'm do mad at his dad for giving him too much/incorrect information.
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,430
Well if your son is just accepting your AH's "information" without using any critical thinking about a situation
he obviously has first-hand knowledge about, I'd say the problem is with both of them, no matter that he's young.
Step back and give yourself a break.
You aren't the one who drank and destroyed peace in the family.
he obviously has first-hand knowledge about, I'd say the problem is with both of them, no matter that he's young.
Step back and give yourself a break.
You aren't the one who drank and destroyed peace in the family.
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