Mentally drained and very worried for my Grandchildren
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4
Mentally drained and very worried for my Grandchildren
I am new to this site. I have been reading over it this past week. At the moment I am very upset about a situation that is going on with my daughter. It is a long story and I am mentally drained. It is hard for me to have to write this down because I don't like putting my personal life out there for anybody to see but I am very upset and maybe somebody here can give me some good advice.
A little background on myself. I am almost 5 years sober. I did not go to AA or anytime type of rehab. I tried AA when I was younger and that did not work for me. That was 25 years ago. I was able to be stronger mentally and quit drinking when I left my marriage of 21 years. I moved to another state and was able to detach myself from the abusive and dysfunctional environment that I was in. I am now in a relationship where I am valued and feel safe.
My adult daughter is an alcoholic. When I divorced her step father and moved away she seemed to get worse with her drinking. Her biological father was an alcoholic. He passed away last year. He was drunk and fell to sleep in the camper he lived in. He fell asleep with a cigarette in his hands. The camper caught on fire and he ran out of the camper to get the garden hose. Unfortunately he was to drunk to walk straight and he fell into the burning camper and burnt up alive.
My daughter was devastated and since that day her father passed away in that fire she started drinking even more. Before it was just weekends but now its every single day.
Because of her drinking she does not take care of her children like they should be cared for. She was living with her high school sweet heart for many years and he too is an alcoholic. They got married a few months ago. They have one child together. My daughter has 2 other children from previous relationships and those 2 other children live in the home with my daughter and her husband.
Last week the husband was put in jail for beating up my daughter in front of the kids. He was drunk and so was my daughter. She was on a 5 day drinking binge and said she could not sleep so she was going to keep drinking until she blacked out.
The children are suffering through all this. They have seen their mother get beat up by this guy many times over the years. Last year the cops came out to the house when he beat up my daughter and the neighbor guy who knows the cops was able to help her husband avoid going to jail. He got away with the abuse.
My son n law got arrested last week and my ex husband bailed him out of jail within 24 hours. Now this guy is back in the home with the children and my daughter.
My ex husband also hangs out with my daughter most everyday and buys her all the alcohol she wants. As well last week when my daughter was drunk she called me on the phone and told me that her step dad sexually violated her when she was drunk. She was crying and very upset. She had spent the whole day at her step dads house drinking with him. Within 24 hours she changed her story. She said she knows something bad happened but she doesn't know exactly what happened. She went home and told her husband. Her husband got drunker ... she got drunker and within 24 hours her husband tried to choke her to death with all her children in the house to witness this. They were sleeping and they woke up the kids.
One time last year they believed that child protective services was called on them so they quit drinking for about a week. They cleaned up their house and played the role of non drinkers. When child protective services did not show up they started drinking again. After this last incident they once again have cleaned up their house waiting on child protective services to show up. Its all an act to get them by until they can drink again.
I am very upset and worried for my grandchildren. I know what they are going through is horrible as I went through the same thing as a child with my own alcoholic parents. I have called child protective services as well as other family members. Everything has been reported.
Child protective services has not been out to the house yet. It has been almost a week. My youngest granddaughter was taken out of the home by her biological father. He is not an alcoholic and he loves her. He went to court today for temporary custody. My daughter and her abusive husband were in court together. The judge gave my granddaughter back to my daughter and her abusive husband. This guy just got bailed out of jail and I do not understand how he is allowed back in that home. They have cleaned up their house waiting for child protective services to make their appearance. The cleaned out all the alcohol bottles and the house looks spotless. They say the quit drinking.
My daughter gets the DT's when she stops drinking and there is no way they are recovered from drinking. The judge was told all these things and she still allowed the child to go back into that environment.
I had surgery last Wednesday. I had to have all 25 of my teeth pulled at once. I woke up from surgery and the first thing I heard is that my daughter got beat up and her husband is in jail. She was on a 5 day drinking binge. My daughter was also in jail for being intoxicated in public. She was walking to her step dads house while drunk in the middle of the night after her husband beat her up.
I live far away from my daughter. I cant move back to that state and live with these people like that. I am in a safer more peaceful place but every single night I am on the phone with my younger daughter who suffers anxiety and panic attacks. She lives next door to my alcoholic daughter. She was up for 5 days straight with 2 babies trying to help my grandchildren. She also found a rehab place for my alcoholic daughter to go to but my alcoholic daughter refused to go. She only wanted to get her abusive alcoholic husband out of jail. She managed to talk her step dad into putting up the bail money and got her way.
Rehab was also offered to my son n law but he said he doesn't need rehab all he needs is his bottle and his kids. He said nobody is going to take his kids away from him and I guess he is right because once again he got away with his alcoholic dysfunctional behavior.
My daughter got her way again and her one daughter that got to safety is now back in the home where she is not safe.
My son n law and my daughter have not had to answer for anything they have done to their children or the rest of our family. They keep getting away with doing these bad irresponsible behaviors that affect everybody that loves them. I am mentally drained and so is my younger daughter.
I hope and pray nothing bad happens to my grandchildren. I do not understand how my daughter and her husband are getting away with this. Why child protective services has not done anything? Why the judge put my granddaughter back in that home? Im so upset.
A little background on myself. I am almost 5 years sober. I did not go to AA or anytime type of rehab. I tried AA when I was younger and that did not work for me. That was 25 years ago. I was able to be stronger mentally and quit drinking when I left my marriage of 21 years. I moved to another state and was able to detach myself from the abusive and dysfunctional environment that I was in. I am now in a relationship where I am valued and feel safe.
My adult daughter is an alcoholic. When I divorced her step father and moved away she seemed to get worse with her drinking. Her biological father was an alcoholic. He passed away last year. He was drunk and fell to sleep in the camper he lived in. He fell asleep with a cigarette in his hands. The camper caught on fire and he ran out of the camper to get the garden hose. Unfortunately he was to drunk to walk straight and he fell into the burning camper and burnt up alive.
My daughter was devastated and since that day her father passed away in that fire she started drinking even more. Before it was just weekends but now its every single day.
Because of her drinking she does not take care of her children like they should be cared for. She was living with her high school sweet heart for many years and he too is an alcoholic. They got married a few months ago. They have one child together. My daughter has 2 other children from previous relationships and those 2 other children live in the home with my daughter and her husband.
Last week the husband was put in jail for beating up my daughter in front of the kids. He was drunk and so was my daughter. She was on a 5 day drinking binge and said she could not sleep so she was going to keep drinking until she blacked out.
The children are suffering through all this. They have seen their mother get beat up by this guy many times over the years. Last year the cops came out to the house when he beat up my daughter and the neighbor guy who knows the cops was able to help her husband avoid going to jail. He got away with the abuse.
My son n law got arrested last week and my ex husband bailed him out of jail within 24 hours. Now this guy is back in the home with the children and my daughter.
My ex husband also hangs out with my daughter most everyday and buys her all the alcohol she wants. As well last week when my daughter was drunk she called me on the phone and told me that her step dad sexually violated her when she was drunk. She was crying and very upset. She had spent the whole day at her step dads house drinking with him. Within 24 hours she changed her story. She said she knows something bad happened but she doesn't know exactly what happened. She went home and told her husband. Her husband got drunker ... she got drunker and within 24 hours her husband tried to choke her to death with all her children in the house to witness this. They were sleeping and they woke up the kids.
One time last year they believed that child protective services was called on them so they quit drinking for about a week. They cleaned up their house and played the role of non drinkers. When child protective services did not show up they started drinking again. After this last incident they once again have cleaned up their house waiting on child protective services to show up. Its all an act to get them by until they can drink again.
I am very upset and worried for my grandchildren. I know what they are going through is horrible as I went through the same thing as a child with my own alcoholic parents. I have called child protective services as well as other family members. Everything has been reported.
Child protective services has not been out to the house yet. It has been almost a week. My youngest granddaughter was taken out of the home by her biological father. He is not an alcoholic and he loves her. He went to court today for temporary custody. My daughter and her abusive husband were in court together. The judge gave my granddaughter back to my daughter and her abusive husband. This guy just got bailed out of jail and I do not understand how he is allowed back in that home. They have cleaned up their house waiting for child protective services to make their appearance. The cleaned out all the alcohol bottles and the house looks spotless. They say the quit drinking.
My daughter gets the DT's when she stops drinking and there is no way they are recovered from drinking. The judge was told all these things and she still allowed the child to go back into that environment.
I had surgery last Wednesday. I had to have all 25 of my teeth pulled at once. I woke up from surgery and the first thing I heard is that my daughter got beat up and her husband is in jail. She was on a 5 day drinking binge. My daughter was also in jail for being intoxicated in public. She was walking to her step dads house while drunk in the middle of the night after her husband beat her up.
I live far away from my daughter. I cant move back to that state and live with these people like that. I am in a safer more peaceful place but every single night I am on the phone with my younger daughter who suffers anxiety and panic attacks. She lives next door to my alcoholic daughter. She was up for 5 days straight with 2 babies trying to help my grandchildren. She also found a rehab place for my alcoholic daughter to go to but my alcoholic daughter refused to go. She only wanted to get her abusive alcoholic husband out of jail. She managed to talk her step dad into putting up the bail money and got her way.
Rehab was also offered to my son n law but he said he doesn't need rehab all he needs is his bottle and his kids. He said nobody is going to take his kids away from him and I guess he is right because once again he got away with his alcoholic dysfunctional behavior.
My daughter got her way again and her one daughter that got to safety is now back in the home where she is not safe.
My son n law and my daughter have not had to answer for anything they have done to their children or the rest of our family. They keep getting away with doing these bad irresponsible behaviors that affect everybody that loves them. I am mentally drained and so is my younger daughter.
I hope and pray nothing bad happens to my grandchildren. I do not understand how my daughter and her husband are getting away with this. Why child protective services has not done anything? Why the judge put my granddaughter back in that home? Im so upset.
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
Violett, I'm sorry that they system is failing your grandchildren so badly.
And I am also sorry your daughter keeps being victimized, herself. I work in the domestic violence field professionally, and unfortunately her behavior isn't unusual for a victim of abuse--sadly, it's complicated by her alcoholism, which is preventing her from taking any kind of action to help herself, or her kids.
Are your grandchildren in school? Maybe someone at the school could intervene and get further with some action than family members. Hopefully the prosecutors will be able to prosecute your son-in-law in spite of your daughter's inability to testify at trial. Depending on the evidence, that might be possible.
What a sad, scary mess.
And I am also sorry your daughter keeps being victimized, herself. I work in the domestic violence field professionally, and unfortunately her behavior isn't unusual for a victim of abuse--sadly, it's complicated by her alcoholism, which is preventing her from taking any kind of action to help herself, or her kids.
Are your grandchildren in school? Maybe someone at the school could intervene and get further with some action than family members. Hopefully the prosecutors will be able to prosecute your son-in-law in spite of your daughter's inability to testify at trial. Depending on the evidence, that might be possible.
What a sad, scary mess.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Midwest
Posts: 4
Thank You and yes my all 3 of my Grandchildren are in school.
My youngest Granddaughters Biological father was in court today to try and get temporary custody of his daughter. He has actually had her in his home for the past 5 days or so. All 3 of my grandchildren sleep in the same bed together as they only have one bedroom for themselves.
The biological father went out and bought my Granddaughter her own bed and she had her own bedroom there. I was happy to hear she finally had a bed of her own. The Alcoholic stepdad gets drunk and goes into the my grandchildren s bedroom in the middle of the night and yells at them all and wakes them up from sleeping. Sometimes he passes out in the bed with them.
When the biological father got his daughter he enrolled her in the school next to his house. She was going to a school a different school before with her siblings.
The judge told my daughter that she must keep her daughter in the school that her biological father enrolled her in. This means that my daughter has to drive her child to that school every morning.
What part of alcoholic does this judge not understand? My daughter wakes up drunk and drives her kids around while intoxicated. Her husband does this too. Now our family has to worry that my daughter may drive drunk in the morning to get her daughter to that school.
I lost my sister n law when she was 23 years old to a drunk driver. I just can not sleep at night knowing my daughter is putting herself and her children s life at risk like this. I am having nightmares when I sleep.
I will call the school but I live in another state. I will speak with the biological father about this.
I don't know the California laws on domestic violence. The husband was charged with domestic violence and false imprisonment. He got bailed out of jail and is now in the home living again with the wife and kids. I am not even sure when he goes to court. How does that work? Do the courts let these abusive guys back in the homes with the kids like that? I am confused on this part.
My youngest Granddaughters Biological father was in court today to try and get temporary custody of his daughter. He has actually had her in his home for the past 5 days or so. All 3 of my grandchildren sleep in the same bed together as they only have one bedroom for themselves.
The biological father went out and bought my Granddaughter her own bed and she had her own bedroom there. I was happy to hear she finally had a bed of her own. The Alcoholic stepdad gets drunk and goes into the my grandchildren s bedroom in the middle of the night and yells at them all and wakes them up from sleeping. Sometimes he passes out in the bed with them.
When the biological father got his daughter he enrolled her in the school next to his house. She was going to a school a different school before with her siblings.
The judge told my daughter that she must keep her daughter in the school that her biological father enrolled her in. This means that my daughter has to drive her child to that school every morning.
What part of alcoholic does this judge not understand? My daughter wakes up drunk and drives her kids around while intoxicated. Her husband does this too. Now our family has to worry that my daughter may drive drunk in the morning to get her daughter to that school.
I lost my sister n law when she was 23 years old to a drunk driver. I just can not sleep at night knowing my daughter is putting herself and her children s life at risk like this. I am having nightmares when I sleep.
I will call the school but I live in another state. I will speak with the biological father about this.
I don't know the California laws on domestic violence. The husband was charged with domestic violence and false imprisonment. He got bailed out of jail and is now in the home living again with the wife and kids. I am not even sure when he goes to court. How does that work? Do the courts let these abusive guys back in the homes with the kids like that? I am confused on this part.
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