Don't understand
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2015
Posts: 19
Don't understand
Has anyone else experienced this. When my boyfriend is drinking he calls me 50x a day, texts, cries that he can't live without me love is spewing out of his mouth all the time but when he decides to get sober he practically wants nothing to do with me. No calls, no texts doesn't tell me he loves me nothing. He's cordial with me. I've been by his side for 3 years of addiction helped him through it all and now that I get him sober which is what I've begged and prayed god for he wants nothing to do with me??? I'm just so confused by this. Please help
A work in progress
Join Date: Jul 2010
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 16,633
A lot of alcoholics get sad and maudlin and sentimental when they are drunk. Others get happy, angry, etc. You happen to have the sad/sentimental/maudlin type. The other kind is no easier to live with. Even the "happy" drunks neglect their families as they party on. The angry/abusive ones are probably the worst. But none of them is pleasant to be around.
If your boyfriend is newly sober, it takes time to develop what is essentially a new personality--one not fueled by alcohol. If he's working a recovery program that will eventually happen. You might or might not be compatible when the dust settles. But for right now, you just have to wait and see how things develop.
Are you doing something for your own recovery? I suggest Al-Anon--the more you focus on yourself the less you will be focusing on how he is acting.
If your boyfriend is newly sober, it takes time to develop what is essentially a new personality--one not fueled by alcohol. If he's working a recovery program that will eventually happen. You might or might not be compatible when the dust settles. But for right now, you just have to wait and see how things develop.
Are you doing something for your own recovery? I suggest Al-Anon--the more you focus on yourself the less you will be focusing on how he is acting.
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Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
now that I get him sober which is what I've begged and prayed god for
but when he decides to get sober he practically wants nothing to do with me. No calls, no texts doesn't tell me he loves me nothing.
well......you did PRAY that he would get sober, right??? and that "prayer" has been answered.
here's the thing.......YOU didn't GET HIM sober. you may have been instrumental but unless he was really ready to quit drinking, he would not be sober now.
being newly sober provides a whole new view of life.....one perhaps never seen before, and it gives one pause to cause. everything we thought we knew is blown away......and sometimes everything we had when we were drinking now is no longer supportive or suitable......even the person who rode rail over us trying to get us to see the light. we now need to SEE that light for ourselves.
it really isn't about you........which sounds cold, but is true.
but when he decides to get sober he practically wants nothing to do with me. No calls, no texts doesn't tell me he loves me nothing.
well......you did PRAY that he would get sober, right??? and that "prayer" has been answered.
here's the thing.......YOU didn't GET HIM sober. you may have been instrumental but unless he was really ready to quit drinking, he would not be sober now.
being newly sober provides a whole new view of life.....one perhaps never seen before, and it gives one pause to cause. everything we thought we knew is blown away......and sometimes everything we had when we were drinking now is no longer supportive or suitable......even the person who rode rail over us trying to get us to see the light. we now need to SEE that light for ourselves.
it really isn't about you........which sounds cold, but is true.
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