The Language of Letting Go, July 22
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The Language of Letting Go, July 22
JULY 22
You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."
Learning to Trust Again
Many of us have trust issues.
Some of us tried long and hard to trust untrustworthy people. Over and again, we believed lies and promises never to be kept. Some of us tried to trust people for the impossible, for instance, trusting a practicing alcoholic not to drink again.
Some of us trusted our Higher Power inappropriately. We trusted Higher Power to make other people do what we wanted, then felt betrayed when that didn't work out.
Some of us were taught that life couldn't be trusted, that we had to control and manipulate our way through.
Most of us were taught, inappropriately, that we couldn't trust ourselves.
In recovery, we're healing from our trust issues. We're learning to trust again. The first lesson in trust is this: We can learn to trust ourselves. We can be trusted. If others have taught us we cannot trust ourselves, they were lying. Addictions and dysfunctional systems make people lie.
We can learn to appropriately trust our Higher Power - not to make people do what we wanted them to, but to help us take care of ourselves, and to bring about the best possible circumstances, at the best possible times, in our life.
We can trust the process - of life and recovery. We do not have to control, obsess, or become hypervigilant. We may not always understand where we are going, or what's being worked out in us, but we can trust that something good is happening.
When we learn to do this, we are ready to learn to trust other people. When we trust our Higher Power and when we trust ourselves, we will know who to trust and what to trust that person for.
Perhaps we always did. We just didn't listen closely enough to ourselves or trust what we heard.
Today, I will affirm that I can learn to trust appropriately. I can trust my Higher Power, my recovery, and myself. I can learn to appropriately trust others too.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
You are reading from the book "The Language of Letting Go."
Learning to Trust Again
Many of us have trust issues.
Some of us tried long and hard to trust untrustworthy people. Over and again, we believed lies and promises never to be kept. Some of us tried to trust people for the impossible, for instance, trusting a practicing alcoholic not to drink again.
Some of us trusted our Higher Power inappropriately. We trusted Higher Power to make other people do what we wanted, then felt betrayed when that didn't work out.
Some of us were taught that life couldn't be trusted, that we had to control and manipulate our way through.
Most of us were taught, inappropriately, that we couldn't trust ourselves.
In recovery, we're healing from our trust issues. We're learning to trust again. The first lesson in trust is this: We can learn to trust ourselves. We can be trusted. If others have taught us we cannot trust ourselves, they were lying. Addictions and dysfunctional systems make people lie.
We can learn to appropriately trust our Higher Power - not to make people do what we wanted them to, but to help us take care of ourselves, and to bring about the best possible circumstances, at the best possible times, in our life.
We can trust the process - of life and recovery. We do not have to control, obsess, or become hypervigilant. We may not always understand where we are going, or what's being worked out in us, but we can trust that something good is happening.
When we learn to do this, we are ready to learn to trust other people. When we trust our Higher Power and when we trust ourselves, we will know who to trust and what to trust that person for.
Perhaps we always did. We just didn't listen closely enough to ourselves or trust what we heard.
Today, I will affirm that I can learn to trust appropriately. I can trust my Higher Power, my recovery, and myself. I can learn to appropriately trust others too.
©1990, Hazelden Foundation. All rights reserved.
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Originally Posted by honeypig 
The first lesson in trust is this: We can learn to trust ourselves. We can be trusted. If others have taught us we cannot trust ourselves, they were lying. Addictions and dysfunctional systems make people lie.
What I am trying to figure out is why do I keep putting trust in someone that continues to prove that I cannot trust. I am having a battle within between my need to control and trust.
My thinking right now is that I can trust me and if that means that I have to take back control of certain areas of my life then I can trust that the issue sits squarely with myself.
I don't think this is incorrect thinking since it is my responsibility I should have control of it and placing (or giving) that trust/responsibility with someone who I can't trust is giving them power over my peace and serenity.
Am I way off base?
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Location: Florida
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Sounds spot-on to me Lyssy. I agree that trust has to start within & work outward. Confident, inner trust lets you experience peace of mind knowing that you can always rely on yourself to manage the obstacles in your path. Seems logical that part of that would include knowing when/how/to whom you want to extend trust & how much, etc.
Oh, I remember being exactly where you are & trying to sort out how to attempt that process of rebuilding trust with myself. It's something I cycle back around to periodically during this process as more AHA moments strike & bring new things to light.
I've also experienced, during RAH's relapse period, pulling the rip cord on my Inner Trust Parachute & landing pretty softly during that whole process. It was easily one of the most challenging & scary experiences of my life & I remember being MOST surprised at my non-reactions. How easily I slept, was able to participate in activities with F&F, openly discussed everything with my support peeps (SR included), was able to communicate the need for & gracefully receive help, kept a really steady balance of open talk, fun, alone time & extra rest & comfort foods with DD at home. I did not just survive that time, I truly thrived.
Great topic for me today too!
Oh, I remember being exactly where you are & trying to sort out how to attempt that process of rebuilding trust with myself. It's something I cycle back around to periodically during this process as more AHA moments strike & bring new things to light.
I've also experienced, during RAH's relapse period, pulling the rip cord on my Inner Trust Parachute & landing pretty softly during that whole process. It was easily one of the most challenging & scary experiences of my life & I remember being MOST surprised at my non-reactions. How easily I slept, was able to participate in activities with F&F, openly discussed everything with my support peeps (SR included), was able to communicate the need for & gracefully receive help, kept a really steady balance of open talk, fun, alone time & extra rest & comfort foods with DD at home. I did not just survive that time, I truly thrived.
Great topic for me today too!
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