Need Experience, Strength, or Hope
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Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Wisconsin
Posts: 1,572
CTW, I am so very, very sorry for everything you have been through. Your AH sounds very much like my AH. I separated from my AH on September 1, and am filing for divorce soon.
Yep. CONSTANTLY. And yet, I was the one who was apparently hyper-critical and demanding all the time.
Oh yes! Every single fight we ever had was my fault, because I "started it." Even in the final months, when I knew I would be leaving and I barely engaged with him on anything...I was the one starting drama. And the withholding of affection...that is one of my AH's favorite relationship weapons.
I got THIS several times, too. 
No. No you are NOT as bad a person as you have been led to believe. You are not a bad person at all. While it makes no sense to have relationship expectations of an active addict, it is perfectly reasonable for an adult to want a healthy relationship where he/she CAN have some basic expectations.
CTW, our stories are so similar. I'm sending you big giant ((HUGS)) and cheering you on for the next 11 days until you get moved.
Originally Posted by CarryThatWeight 
I have tried SO hard to be a good wife and to make him happy. No matter what I do though, it isn't enough. I felt like he was picking me apart all the time.
Originally Posted by CarryThatWeight
I began to look at my unmet needs, and I realized that he wasn't meeting ANY of my needs. He wouldn't even touch me, no kissing, no hugging, no nothing. He didn't want to spend any time with me, but either said that's how marriage is (that I had watched too much television and had unrealistic expectations) or that he just couldn't stand to be around me because I was always "starting drama."
Originally Posted by CarryThatWeight
...it just doesn't look good. People might think I hit you.
Originally Posted by CarryThatWeight
I am moving October 9th. ... Maybe I'm not as bad a person as I have been lead to believe?
CTW, our stories are so similar. I'm sending you big giant ((HUGS)) and cheering you on for the next 11 days until you get moved.
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