maybear

My husband came and got his stuff today. When he arrived he was crying and then when he walked in and saw our daughter (after not seeing her for months) he lost it. Then I lost it. I was trying not to get too emotional but I couldn't help it. I haven't seen him in months.
He grabbed me and hugged me. He apologised for the hurt he has caused. He said he was scared to speak with me sooner. He said he wants to be in our daughter's life forever and my life forever. I really miss him in lots of ways, I miss his friendship.
I didn't say much but felt really angry when he was leaving. He was stumbling over his words, asking me if he could call me so we could talk soon. I just told him to go. I was trying to not get angry but I just did.
It is just so sad and too little too late.
I've just been extremely sad tonight. I just can't believe he could have done what he did.
I really feel the door has closed for me, I guess part of me wishes that he had of done something sooner before he crossed into the unforgivable.
I guess maybe this is just part of the moving on.
I just can't stop crying right now, it was a big day.

FireSprite

(((((((Huge Hugs)))))))) Your reaction sounds really normal, I know I've felt that way. No matter how sincere, no words can be enough at this point.

LexieCat

Hugs from me, too. I know how hard this is.

Actually, though, in a way it's good that you were present and you got to see what you are leaving behind. He is a sad, pathetic drunk right now. That could change--no one ever knows what the future holds. For your daughter's sake I hope he decides to get his act together. For now, though, you are doing the absolute best possible thing you can do for all of you.

Many hugs, things will look a little brighter once you get all settled into your new place. I think you have a lot of happiness to look forward to.

maybear

Thanks.
That's exactly what I feel like. "I'm sorry" is almost insulting. It doesn't even touch the surface.
I told him I couldn't put into words the pain that he has caused. He just cried.
Everything seems really unfair as well. He gets to run away from his responsibilities.
I think I might hate him. In this moment at least.

Butterfly

((((Hugs)))) Maybear

Liveitwell

Absolutely know what you are feeling-I've been there. It's devastating. If you read my latest post I touched on my latest therapy session where my therapist stated anger would be the most appropriate reaction to losing dreams and a husband to alcoholism. Your feelings are valid. Big hugs and prayers for you this morning in Texas!!!!

knowthetriggers

((((hugs))))) Maybear, tight, thight hugs!

Refiner

((((maybear)))) You have every right in the world to feel insulted and to feel that hatred feeling. He is pathetic. Actions, not words. If this doesn't do it, NOTHING will (for him to want to get sober). Let's see where he is in a year from now, huh. See if he'll be sober and IN RECOVERY and be part of his daughter's life (or not).

hopeful4

Oh Wow, I totally understand. It does get better, I promise. Sending many hugs your way!!!!

Praying

It does get better. And though you may miss his friendship, if you write out a list of what you'd like your best friend to be like, odds are he wouldn't make the cut. I understand your sadness and am sending you hugs today...

dandylion

maybear.....my heart goes out to you. Yes, it IS sad.....and, you are correct when you recon that sadness is a part of this whole process. Addiction--alcoholism brings sadness and pain to all that it touches.

Your sad feeling is totally normal and human for the situation---
We know that words are useless unless they are accompanied by the appropriate action.... That is the part that we must not forget.....

dandylion

guava

Ugh-that must have been tough. It sounds like you are handling things well. (((Hugs)))

firebolt

(((Maybear))))

Sometimes, there has just been too much 'stuff' and moving on is the only way to get past it. So, so sad today......but sometime soon....so, so hopeful and empowering for you!!!

maybear

Thank you all so much for your hugs and your words.

He is currently 40-something days sober but from what I can see it doesn't really matter because he appears not too have changed.

This quote found me last night when I was reading and trying to take my mind off stuff.
"Be soft. Do not let the world make you hard. Do not let the pain make you hate. Do not let the bitterness steal your sweetness."

Words to live by.

searching peace

Maybear, I'm so sorry for your your pain and disappointment. It is so difficult to understand when it is obvious to us what the A can do to make it better and they just don't get it and let us walk away. It is hurtful and devastating and unfortunately or fortunately you and your daughter will never be the same. But thankfully your daughter has you! You are being a grown up! You are taking responsibility for your actions and taking responsibility for her and providing her with a stable, loving home. You are her ONLY parent right now. And the anger and hate you feel is completely understandable. You didn't sign up for this life. You had no control with what has happened and you had no choice in his drinking and deserting you. But all of that hate and anger you feel, he probably feels just as much for himself and his inadequacies right now. My stbxah told me that he knows it is wrong to not feel anything, no empathy for me and my kids. He said maybe the alcohol numbs his ability to feel anything. Another blame shift. They feel enough about themselves and their needs to continue to drink. Your husband is 40 days sober. My hope for you is after a year of sobriety, he comes to you with a much more heartfelt and true apology for you and your daughter and not based on his needs or wants but based on all that he has caused to you and your daughter. With true remorse not for what he is losing but for what you and your daughter lost. Sending you big hugs!!! I know this is so tough for you! But you are strong and brave and you are going to be happy on the other side of this pain!

maybear

Thank you so much searchingpeace.

Your words have touched my heart and helped me more than you know.