maybear

Hello everyone
Many know my story but basically, my husband left after I asked him to leave following a relapse. He went on a three month bender before his family helped facilitate an admission to rehab. He went to rehab for a month and is now out and staying with friends and still sober.
While he was away he didn't contact me. I decided to move interstate to be near my other family for support with my toddler daughter.
So, I am in the process of moving out. My husband's stuff is still here. I let him know when I was moving. His mum and stepdad contacted me to say that they will come and get his stuff. Well, now he has changed his mind and wants to come and pack it himself. I told his stepdad that was ok, but would wait for my husband to call me to arrange. Typically, he (husband) didn't call. He sent me a text asking if it was ok.
It is going to be so uncomfortable seeing him for the first time in months on Thursday when I haven't even spoken to him.
I don't really know how to handle this. Wait for him to do the talking (if any) I guess.
I feel like he is trying to avoid any conversation so maybe I should just stick to business? I.e. Packing his stuff.
Usually when we have had problems in the past he waits for me to initiate communication so I guess he would expect the same. But I am sick of it so i really don't want to but have to be prepared then to leave and potentially not speak with him for another few months. It seems immature for two married people with a child to have no discussion about anything.
We have our daughter who he also hasn't seen in months. I'm not sure how to handle him seeing her too.
Feeling confused!

LexieCat

I'd just stick to business. If he looks good, tell him he looks good. If he looks awful, then skip the comment. Be pleasant. Don't fall all over yourself trying to analyze what he expects you to do or say.

One thing I used to do in those situations was to say a prayer that I'd behave in a way that wouldn't cause pain to anyone-and that included me.

If you possibly can, avoid any discussion about any possible future or how sad either one of you may be. If he starts, just say something noncommittal like, "We'll see--right now we are just trying to get settled with as little disruption as possible. We can have this conversation later." No need to be nasty, but also no need to say anything that could be interpreted as a promise, either.

Good luck, hope it goes smoothly.

knowthetriggers

Do you have to be there for him to pack his stuff? If not then I would take your daughter and find another place to be while he moves.

Not sure if that is possible and just a suggestion.

lillamy

This. Or at least have a couple of friends there when he shows up. Most people (save the most egregious psychopaths) will be on better behavior when there are other people around.

iGirl66

My ex's parents came and got his last things and I didn't even want to see them. I was gracious, but it was hard and left me sad and angry later on. This is the man you loved and wanted to spend your life with. How to see hi a new "stick to business" I wouldn't know how to do. You have so much you've wanted to say for so long. Maybe if a friend can be there, but honey, don't hurt yourself anymore. His 3 months plus of silence and text lets you know where his head is.

maybear

Thank you all.
He called me tonight to arrange to come tomorrow.
He just cried and apologised. He didn't talk about our relationship at all which was good, he didn't say anything negative about us moving. I guess he knows it is for the best.
He just asked lots about our daughter and wants to see her tomorrow.
My mum will be here and he will have his friend to help. Probably a little awkward face to face but at least we have spoken now.

maybear

I have to be there because I need to pack too!

knowthetriggers

Hon - you can pack after he leaves....

But whatever you decide -

Tight hugs!