Lilro

Ugh! I'm such an ass! Of course after being no contact for almost 4 weeks I had to screw it up! I was doing so good...
So I hear this song on the radio while driving home from work " Wanted you more" and of course against my better judgement I texted him a link..well that opened the Pandora's box. That turned into him blaming me for throwing him out of the house ( he obviously still doesn't get it) and me trying to explain why I did what I did ( that was useless ) . I was finally starting to breath easy, sleep through the night, feel like myself again.... Does he really not understand that his drinking has completely sabatoged this relationship? Does he really not care? What am I not seeing here?
Feeling like a loser....

Liveitwell

To answer your questions, NO...he doesbt see any of that. If he did he would have to stop drinking. So he will say anything negative about you and try to tear you down to make himself feel better and not address HIS alcoholism. Textbook. My ex did this all the time when we were married and just a month ago after we got divorced. He doesn't care about your feelings bc it's all about him and protecting his addiction. It's very sad...but true. You know this!!! No contact until he gets better and has been sober for a while and working a program-if ever. That's the only time any conversation is worthwhile-no relationship works with an active alcoholic. Peace!!

lillamy

Well -- now you know. No new contact means no new hurts. Maybe you just had to go there to see that that was really the case. Don't beat yourself up over it -- but also, don't expect him to see the light. (((hugs)))

Butterfly

((((Hugs)))) don't beat yourself up I broke NC many times before I realised that it hurt me more than him and it set me back.

As lillamy said no new contact no new pain, that became my mantra to get me through the difficult times when I wanted to contact him.

Don't dwell on it it's happened there's nothing you can do put it behind you, it's a blip in your recovery.

fluffyflea

They don't want to see anything about anything because then it would mean taking responsibility for their issues and God forbid CHANGE!!!!!!! something.

Easier to tear you down and throw blame on you.

firebolt

Now you know.

If he ever feels remorse, and wants to make amends, he will contact you and let you know. And you will smile and say mmmm-hmmm, knowing that the only way it is true is that if his ACTIONS prove it.

In the meantime, you will work on a great life for you - because you deserve it! (((HUGS)))

LexieCat

He doesn't want to hear your explanations; you don't want to hear his excuses.

Sounds like good reasons right there to leave each other alone.

atalose

OK, let’s turn this around and view it from his perspective.

I like to drink and I don’t plan on stopping. She kicked me out of the house 4 weeks ago and wanted nothing do with me and blocked all contact.

I’m still drinking only now I don’t have anyone nagging me about it.

Now she sends me a text message with some link to some mushy song that’s supposed to mean something to me.

What is she not seeing here??

iGirl66

No he doesn't understand, no he doesn't care and if he's like my ex, even after he "sober up" he still won't understand or care. He doesn't have to, but you do. As long as you're sending lovey songs, you don't get it either. The booze has him confused without the added double messages from you. Do both of yourselves a kindness and keep the no contact.

Lilro

Thank you igirl66... I needed that!
Off to Al anon tonight I go!

NYCDoglvr

That going No Contact is a very good idea! Don't beat yourself up, it took me several tries to finally get it.