knowthetriggers

Okay - so our teenager is in some serious trouble. Without getting into too much detail, the trouble she is in is typical teenage stuff. You don't listen and do wrong you are in trouble, period.

Well she also suffers from ADD. Before treatment she used to wake up and hit herself and tell herself she was stupid, etc. After treatment (4 years now) she has become self confident, and honor student, excelling in her school work and her social life.

So she gets angry at herself last night because she is in trouble again! I walk in her room to tell her to take her night meds and she is on the floor of her bedroom sitting next to two pairs of scissors and a screw!

I immediately asked what she was doing, panicked beyond belief. She shows me her wrist - yes the wounds are superficial BUT she tried to cut herself! She says it was for attention - OMG! She refuses to talk to her counselor at school so I called her Pediatrician this morning and they will see her today. I've not broken down in front of her but I am a huge wreck at the moment.

My youngest is also sick - running fever of 101.2 with an ear infection. So the nurse tells me they would watch over her while I am with my oldest and her doctor.

Can this really be happening? Am I overreacting to a superficial wound? IDK - I just think her doctor needs to evaluate her. To think that tomorrow she will be receiving awards for her academic success including Student of the Month.

I am beyond broken hearted.....

Please pray for us!

Mango blast

Big hugs for all three of you! I believe you're responding very appropriately. You're in my thoughts and prayers.

Our 8 year gets very upset with himself also, at times. "I'm the worse child in the world!" breaks my heart. Nutritional balancing and a very specific menu of foods has helped immensely. He still has times he's curled up, hiding, crying.

It used to be much worse with screaming fits and fists clenched, sometimes grabbing his face.

Thankfully he's learning new tools to deal with these things, including healthy outlets that help him to realize when he's not doing as well. And learning there are things he can do. Alateen/Alakid, soccer, climbing, and advice from a great Para at our school. Counseling is on my list, but we haven't started that yet.

The biggest thing for me is how to support in healthy ways. How to be there for him yet not try to change how he's feeling or fix things for him. To help get through the moments he can't when it's critical, but letting him also learn and grow.

(((((hugs)))))

dandylion

I absolutely do not think you are overreacting.

Cutting is an indication that she is trying to get relief from some internal pain...... you certainly wouldn't want to push that under the rug....
I think that taking her to her pediatrician is a wise first step...

dandylion

daydreamer0217

hugs hon, is all I can offer

hopeful4

You are not overreacting, but you do need to calm way down. Cutting is a sign of wanting attention. My oldest DD went through a stage of this. It's quite likely she has a friend who does so, or follows someone on Instagram or some social media about cutters. Check her social media.

They are going to recommend counseling, which clearly would be a good thing for her. Find someone who is familiar with dealing with teens and this type of thing. For my DD, it did not last long, and the counselor helped immensely.

Hugs to you. XXX

knowthetriggers

Dandylion - you are not the first person to tell me this. AND, it was the first thing that crossed my mind when I saw the scissors. My insides melted and I almost lost it. I was.....very concerned but tried not to freak out too much.

I lost it this morning on the phone with the nurse. We love her doctor, he relates very well to both of my children (he is pretty young himself). So I am hoping she can open up to him, even if I have to leave the room.

Mango blast

I'm glad you have a really good pediatrician. Reaching out, having a support network, getting help. You're doing great. Of course it would be frightening! Letting your feelings out is okay.

I'm looking again and have been wondering about ADD.

I'm so sorry your daughter is hurting so much!

knowthetriggers

Thanks Hopeful - a very close friend of mine said the same thing. It is okay to be concerned but stay strong. She too thinks it is for attention, and quite honestly that is what my teen told me yesterday, it was just for attention.

My teen and I have a fun weekend planned out of town with a very dear friend of mine, we will be celebrating our birthdays. So after this visit and some time away I am hoping we can clear our heads for a minute.

Oh, and we are totally open to counseling, well I am for sure. Husband, he said he would, the teen - yeah, not so much. But she just won't have a choice!

hopeful4

I agree. I did not give my DD a choice in it. It was a given. What I did do is give her some control over saying if she liked the counselor or would prefer someone else, etc. It all worked out very well.

The counselor told us that for girls it's usually just superficial. The alarming trend is that boys cut, and when they do, they are much more likely to seriously injure themselves. Seriously, check her social media. I was shocked at some of the Instagram pages about cutting.

Don't sweep it under the rug, but don't panic.

knowthetriggers

Keepingthefaith - both our girls suffer with it, different types, same meds. Meds work in different ways for both. I am NOT an advocate to medicate my children; however, it has helped both of them excel so much. It is worth looking into. And know that meds are NOT the only answer. PM me anytime and thank you for your kind words

knowthetriggers

Hopeful - her social media is what started it all! Again, typical teenage stuff but totally UNappropriate. Not the first and I am sure not the last; however this time her phone was taken away from her and she was PISSED. Too bad I say. She was warned and we do frequent phone checks. She is on the verge of getting a standard flip phone, we are totally serious about this.

FireSprite

Not an overreaction at all!! My niece went through a short period of this behavior shortly after her AF abandoned her (she was a bit younger than your daughter). Talking with a counselor helped tremendously, sending you lots of prayers today!!! ((((hugs))))

hopeful4

My agreement was that my DD could have her phone and social media, but that I follow her on ALL social media. And I check her phone to make sure she has nothing I cannot see or access. I hate social media, but it's a part of their lives. Take it away on the phone, and they find another way. Ugh.

This was all part of the counseling, making boundaries and agreements on what she can have, access, and handle in an appropriate way. She was not doing anything wrong on social media, but I was amazed by some of the stuff she was following, and the random people following her!

I totally get it! XXX

knowthetriggers

Hopeful - our girls could be twins! Same here about the followers and what she was following. UGH! Husband went thru and unfollowed A LOT of this "stuff" last night.

I don't just monitor her - I stalk her! (lol j/k). I monitor her as well and I have her phone restricted for certain time periods. I do what I have to do because I hate social media as well.

FireSprite

I'm not excited about the impending teen years, ladies. DD just got her first phone & I'm already nuts about checking it daily. I can't tell you how many times we've discussed social media. I also watched this movie with her:

https://www.commonsensemedia.org/mov...ews/cyberbully

even though it's recommended for slightly older kids. (she's incredibly mature & absolutely "got it" when we watched it) It led to some great conversations about reality vs. cyber worlds, bullying, the process of personal identification during your teen years, how that time in life seems soooooo long but in reality is extremely short, etc.

& then we watched Mean Girls again for a few laughs.

LemonGirl

Oh I hate this social media nonsense! My oldest DD went behind my back 3 times to set up instagram accounts and get the Kik app. Both are subject to the world wide web. I ended up grounding her from her phone, tablet, and computer for 3 months! Lol.... poor kid. She IS the outcast of her group of friends.

My youngest DD is 8; her teacher says she has ADD (first teacher ever to say that). I personally have very strong feelings towards giving developing minds psychoactive drugs. So... she struggles with focussing on her reading. I don't expect her to be a straight A student like her sister. However, lately, she has been displaying a lot of low self esteem. I think back to my real sister who took a knife in her hands at just 8 yrs old... later she developed her own drug habits only to end up with onset schizophrenia. Her particular mental disorder is called schizoaffective disorder because it is brought on my drugs. She has been in that battle ever since. I don't mean to scare you with this story.... However, mental disorders and the like... including addictive behaviors, can be genetic and run in families for both nurture and nature influences.
When my sister did that, my mom put her in counseling... but she failed to protect her from our dad. So her life continued to spiral in spite of my mom's efforts.
As an adult and parent of a child who may end up in a similar predicament, what I know is that no ploy for attention should be overlooked and that every avenue to help secure a positive life experience for our children should be executed. Personally, I don't think you are overreacting. I wish you the best with this!!!

dandylion

For anyone who has an interest.......the website: ADDITUDE.com is a very good website for all things to do with ADD/ADHD...

I highly recommend it for anyone who has an interest or questions...

dandylion

LemonGirl

Thanx Dandy!

hopeful4

Firesprite, I bet my DD's (both) and their friends have watched that movie 10 times!

I also recommend a movie on Netflix that my DD's counselor recommended called The Secret. It is about how to stay in a positive mindset, very good movie.

knowthetriggers

Thanks everyone!

The appointment went well. Lots of feelings resolved, as I knew they would be with this doctor!

Basically boils down to her wanting to be "grown up" and independent but cannot handle it (no kidding) she is just 14. Anyway, she has always been told that we (my husband and I) have an open door, she can talk to us about anything. In fact we have told her that talking about it early on, whatever it is, would be better than trying to figure it out or asking inappropriate questions to friends, etc.

Her thinking, she fears getting in trouble. We have told her, and she was told again in front of the doctor, to give us a chance to have a conversation before you condemn yourself to punishment. Still, better to come forth then trying to work this out her own way.

Suggestions from the doctor - after speaking with myself and her and then her alone he does not feel she is a threat to others or herself (WHEW). He feels that a daily 15 minute discussion between her, myself and my husband would be beneficial. Lay it all out, no judgement, just a discussion.

I agreed this would be helpful and could help with heat discussions that end up as monumental arguments from weeks and weeks of build up.

At the end of the appointment she felt so much better and by the time we drove up at home she was back singing to the music on the radio.

I talked to my husband and he is on the bandwagon with the daily discussions.

What I told both of them we all need to work on is our reactions to the discussions. Everyone agreed.

Soooo - now maybe I can relax a bit and try to enjoy my birthday week and look forward to some time away with my teen this weekend for an all girls weekend.

Thank you all for your kind words and support. I feel so much better now that we had this visit.