LexieCat

You got the idea, dandylion, because she had "Detroit" up there as her location until today.

dandylion

Oh, thanks, Lexie......I though I was loosing my mind......lol!

dandylion

searching peace

I want to tell you I'm sorry for what you are having to go through. But, it seems people on here much wiser than me, say it is something we have to go through to get to the other side and have a healthy life. My stbxah called me once during this separation and told me his lawyer was going to drag me through the mud and he would win! I very calmly said, "I thought this was a divorce and in my opinion no one wins. But you do what makes you feel better. And if hurting me more makes you feel better, your choice." And then I hung up. So sick to think of any of this as a game. But that seems to be what a lot of them think and behave like. Again, I'm sorry you are having to go through this. Sometimes it makes it easier when my stbxah is nasty, but sometimes it makes it more difficult. Depending on me and how strong I am that day.

Liveitwell

^^ misery loves company. Really sad. I've heard the same sentiments echoed from my ex-even when we were together. It's not a war. We all lost in this mess-all of us. I truly think it must be hell living the way he does-hurting me to make himself feel better. What's funny is he always told me he treated me the way he did bc I started it...funny, the first time I ever witnessed his rage was two weeks after we were married and he threw a drunken fit and cursed me out. I had never ever spoken to him that way, not once. But I guess that too is my fault in his head. Very sad. Truly hopes he gets help. He was once a good and solid man. That's the reason I married him. Damn good man.

Liveitwell

I tempered a lot of his rage, I know that. But I can't cure it. It was always there under the surface and at any moment it was spewed at me in drunken fits. Anyway, sorry for rambling. I had a great night-had friends over, cooked a great meal and just smiled watching our kids play and run. Wished my ex was with us, with his family, but he has made it so that is not possible. Damn-man did I love him. You know I still got butterflies in my stomach up until a couple if years ago? We were a great pair-good partners-until addiction struck. The end of our story is divirce but I hope and pray he seeks true help.

Liveitwell

@ dandy-yes, you are not losing your mind!!!!!!! Sorry for the confusion-this board has been nothing short of a miracle to me so was just trying to protect my innermost thoughts - not trying to pull one over on anyone.

searching peace

I have changed my name on here also. The first time I changed because the user name I chose was very codependent! And I had no idea at the time. I'm sure several people rolled their eyes every time I posted with that name. People finally suggested I change so I did. Then I forgot my password with the second one and couldn't log on and had changed my email etc. so I just did the one I use now and know the password by heart ha ha! Your reasons are much better than mine!
And I truly believe that your husband like mine has more of the abuse traits than the alcoholic ones. I know mine will always blame me for things whether they have anything to do with me or not. He made up horrific lies about his first wife and I believed him. Until he began to do the same thing to me. I read something on psychopaths and abuse the other day. And it was my husband on paper. You and I both need to not give what they say or do or say about us any thought. I have known and loved my husband since I was 8. But the day I married him, was the day he thought of me as his enemy. And all I did was try to be loving and a good wife. Your husband puts the blame on you so he doesn't have to look at himself. And if he quacks loudly enough about all the injustices you have "done" to him, he thinks people will be distracted from seeing who he truly is. Unfortunately for me, the man I love, never existed. It was an illusion created only to capture me as his target and use me for his own selfishness. Even growing up, the person he showed to me was never real. He was always abusive and I just didn't see it until it was directed at me. So please don't give any weight to anything he says. All healthy people will know and catch on immediately to his games.