hopeful4

I don't always know who I am either. So I look at who I want to be, and I try to match my actions up to those goals the best I can. I do the best I can, and at the end of the day that is enough.

You are kind, you are good, you have used the negative in your life as positive learning and help for so many. Hugs to you!!!

firebolt

I think HoneyPigs 'Language of Letting Go' post is for you today, Sweet Amy.

I struggle with who I am as well, and then I wake up and realize another year has gone by, and I've just been keeping on keeping on.

Well, I guess THAT is who I am each year, each month, each day, each minute of it all.

My interests and hobbies come and go, some friends come and go, my feelings and stances on things rise and fade, my determination for a healthy life ebbs and tides, my moods vary from the depths of sadness to numb, to walking on air, my goals morph and grow, and some go away. The whole time I am just developing.

I'm 38. I was going to be an astronaut . Then an architect. Then race Superbikes. Then be a mortician. Then start my own auto repair shop. That is who I WAS, and parts of me still want to be.

I don't think we are this statue carved of stone, and we have to DECIDE what that is going to look like in order to have the best live, live to our potential, and leave the best legacy. I think we are ever changing - like a river, we are dynamic, we are energy, we are an evolving part of nature.

In here, you are a risen phoenix - gentle, but with an understood strength no one should push on. In all aspects of life from work, to family, to friends, and to yourself, alone you are many different AMAZING things....ever changing and growing. You can't label your identity, because there is no one just like you!

9111111

When you fly across the Rocky Mountains in winter, it’s hard to imagine any trees, green or life under all the snow. From above, it looks like a dead winter wonderland. When you return in summer you’ll likely get overwhelmed by the abundance of wildlife and nature - what appeared to be a dead landscape in winter was nothing but and image of nature’s survival tactic.

The way I understand trauma, hiding needs, hiding who we are, becoming invisible to ourselves and others is a survival tactic in the face of all the drama, abuse and atrocity that many of us have seen. Becoming invisible doesn’t mean that we become “no one”, but protect the person that we are. Amy – you have protected yourself and survived a very very long and harsh winter. Spring will come – slow but steady.

Butterfly

((((((0tight hugs Amy))))))

NYCDoglvr

I think my shrink said it best: "everyone has problems, it just depends on which ones you can live with, which you can't"

searching peace

Amy, you said you were going to pretend to be the person you want to be. Fake it until we make it! I do this! I have a best friend that I have had my entire life. And whenever I am in an unfamiliar or uncomfortable situation, for me it is being in front of people or even being around people. I channel my best friend, who's name is actually Amy. I become poised and articulate. It always works. I am very shy and would rather the floor open up and swallow me than to be noticed. I never was that way before. But my stbxah has beaten me down so much, as my mother and brother did before that. And I see myself through their eyes now. So I can completely relate. But Amy, you are doing an amazing thing by going to your sons graduation. You can do this! You have got this! Just ignore any remarks from your daughter and your ex! This is about your son and your accomplishments. And look with pity on the girlfriend, because you know she is dealing with what you were able to escape!
What about a garden club? Do they have those in your area? If not, start one. Or you could teach gardening at a local florist or home improvement store or even a college that has classes for hobbies etc. I love to garden, but don't know very much about it. I would love to be in a garden club with someone like you or have a neighbor like you that I could ask questions about which flowers do well in full sunlight, etc.
I know you are stressed and apprehensive about seeing your ex. But go splurge on new clothes and a new haircut and knock them off their feet with your confidence. You've got this!!! Listen to your own tune, and drown out his words and your daughters words. You are a kind, compassionate, caring and thoughtful person! His abuse did not and does not define you. You are free! You are a wonderful example for your children and for all of us in abusive marriages and relationships. Please don't let him and his ghost get the best of you. You are the winner!!! You are independent and strong! Go to the graduation with your head held high. And if anyone says anything nasty, say "aren't you just as nice as you can be". In the south that is a huge cut down. It means that they are not nice at all but unfortunately for them is is as nice as they can be. Hugs!!! You've got this!!

searching peace

Also Amy, you are not going to walk into that situation alone. We are all going to be right there with you in spirit. So reserve a few extra seats because you will have all of our support and encouragement right there beside you and for you!

Mags1

Hi Amy hope you're feeling a bit better.

Julia Roberts, runaway bride, she adapted herself to be like her fiancées, ate what they did etc until Richard Gere came in the picture, so to speak. She cooked eggs, many different ways to find out how she liked them herself.

I thought it was quite poignant that part. We sometimes adjust ourselves to fit in, when really we aren't being true to ourselves.xx

searching peace

That movie is Codependency in all of its glory!!!