I would like some validation
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: michigan
Posts: 296
I would like some validation
Well stbxrah is putting on a good show. (Grr) he's nice to everyone except me. Going out of the way for the kids.
But he won't follow court orders in regards to things going on now. Won't tell me where he is taking our 17 year old, making drs apt for our special needs daughter and refusing to tell me about the appointments and what is going on with them. Making plans with my other daughter (who will tell me if it concerns her) and not tell me and He's done some cruel things
I can only imagine what he is telling other people. (I hate being talked about)
I know some of my friends see it but I wish my kids(and in my dreams his mom and sister) would say something to me about seeing his bad behavior.
I am planning on not saying anything to my kids because I don't want to put them in the middle. He has told them I am putting them in the middle but I'm the one making all the sacrifices and trying to make sure they are not in the middle.
On a side note I still don't know where all his HATE for me came from. I know I'm no angle but still I don't deserve this. I am hoping for karma and she doesn't take too long in coming. (I don't want to wait for years to see it)
But he won't follow court orders in regards to things going on now. Won't tell me where he is taking our 17 year old, making drs apt for our special needs daughter and refusing to tell me about the appointments and what is going on with them. Making plans with my other daughter (who will tell me if it concerns her) and not tell me and He's done some cruel things
I can only imagine what he is telling other people. (I hate being talked about)
I know some of my friends see it but I wish my kids(and in my dreams his mom and sister) would say something to me about seeing his bad behavior.
I am planning on not saying anything to my kids because I don't want to put them in the middle. He has told them I am putting them in the middle but I'm the one making all the sacrifices and trying to make sure they are not in the middle.
On a side note I still don't know where all his HATE for me came from. I know I'm no angle but still I don't deserve this. I am hoping for karma and she doesn't take too long in coming. (I don't want to wait for years to see it)
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
cricket, he's trying to punish you by excluding you. Can I ask why, seeing there is a court order in place, you don't call him on him not following it? That's the point of a court order; he doesn't have an option to violate it. If he does, you can take action.
I'm concerned about the appointments for your special needs daughter. This is completely out of line and must be stopped. I suggest you put everything you can into writing so you have a record. Of course he'll know why you're doing it, but it might curb his behaviour.
Remember to record, record, record. Dates, times, communication. You might want to start with asking him for a full accounting of the doctor's appointments. He does not have the right to decide on treatment for your daughter alone.
Legal advice is essential here. Are you in a position to seek it?
I'm concerned about the appointments for your special needs daughter. This is completely out of line and must be stopped. I suggest you put everything you can into writing so you have a record. Of course he'll know why you're doing it, but it might curb his behaviour.
Remember to record, record, record. Dates, times, communication. You might want to start with asking him for a full accounting of the doctor's appointments. He does not have the right to decide on treatment for your daughter alone.
Legal advice is essential here. Are you in a position to seek it?
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: michigan
Posts: 296
I've been in contact with my lawyer on the orders. She is handling it.
Yes I'm being punished so tired of it. It's never ending.
My daughter is 19 and in all rights an adult. However if asked why she went or what the doctor said you would get the standard I don't know answer. He is going with information is power so he has the power. I am looking into getting medical power of attorney
Meanwhile I'm highly frustrated and wishing someone else besides me (family) would call him on his behavior(I know not going to happen)
Yes I'm being punished so tired of it. It's never ending.
My daughter is 19 and in all rights an adult. However if asked why she went or what the doctor said you would get the standard I don't know answer. He is going with information is power so he has the power. I am looking into getting medical power of attorney
Meanwhile I'm highly frustrated and wishing someone else besides me (family) would call him on his behavior(I know not going to happen)
Last edited by cricket123; 04-19-2015 at 11:36 PM. Reason: Adding
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: east coast
Posts: 1,332
Unfortunately this isn't uncommon behavior during a divorce. I know for me personally I hear the word and head for the hills. People are at their nastiest during a divorce and I refuse to get sucked in.
I am sorry you are being treated poorly but you have to remember everything needs to be done by the courts now and if they aren't you need to let your attorney know. If they are his children as well he doesn't have to tell you how he spends his time with them. Do you tell him? If there isn't a court order than he isn't doing anything wrong by refusing to tell you what he and the 17 year old are doing.
His family won't ever see your side or speak to him about his behavior. Shoot they may even be advising him to behave the way he is. Document everything, keep your attorney informed and go to al-Anon.
I am sorry you are being treated poorly but you have to remember everything needs to be done by the courts now and if they aren't you need to let your attorney know. If they are his children as well he doesn't have to tell you how he spends his time with them. Do you tell him? If there isn't a court order than he isn't doing anything wrong by refusing to tell you what he and the 17 year old are doing.
His family won't ever see your side or speak to him about his behavior. Shoot they may even be advising him to behave the way he is. Document everything, keep your attorney informed and go to al-Anon.
Sober since 10th April 2012
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: Perth, Western Australia
Posts: 6,047
Hi cricket, medical POA is certainly an avenue to explore, especially if your D isn't capable of understanding the reason she's seeing the doctor, & giving informed consent. I'm surprised this wasn't covered in your custody agreement. But it can be remedied, at least to the point where you'll be fully informed.
Please try not to guess what other people are thinking about you. It's called 'mind reading' and it's often influenced by your own state of mind. People aren't stupid, and many know there are 2 sides to every story.
Please try not to guess what other people are thinking about you. It's called 'mind reading' and it's often influenced by your own state of mind. People aren't stupid, and many know there are 2 sides to every story.
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Join Date: Jan 2015
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I'm so sorry you're going through this. My exh was a total d bag durning the divorce when it came to the kids. His big thing was trying to make me look neglectful and incompetent so everything could be my fault again. The only way I could get through it was to step outside of myself and act like I would if I were any attorney with a client. Just the cold hard facts and holding him legally accountable. No emotion to it, just laying down the law. It's not easy, but it will save your sanity (((hugs)))
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