marymac

good morning everyone,
I am a member of a toxic family. Recently my younger sister went into rehab, came out, went back in and is now home. After being out less than 1 month, she relapses and take more meds than needed. Her husband is taking the kids, selling the house, and asking my sister to find her own way. She calls me and asks if she can live with me and my husband. We gave her a car to use two weeks ago and now she wants to live with us.........What do i do?????????

Ann

Welcome Marymac

Please take a read around and you will see many stories not much different than yours, and sadly, letting the active addict move in with us almost always ends up as a disaster, for them and for us.

Sadly, most of us are here because we made ourselves sick trying to help our sick loved ones...crazy huh? The thing is, they can only do it for themselves and they will not until the pain of using is greater than the fear of stopping. The more we cushion their fall, in the name of love, the longer their journey.

Offer her love and encouragement, and if she asks, offer her help in finding a detox or rehab, but aside from that all you can do is pray, pray some more, and just keep praying.

If you haven't already been to a Nar-Anon or Al-Anon meeting, it might be worth a try. Live meetings help us stay balanced and find peace regardless of how our addicts are doing.

I am happy to have you join us on our journey.

Hugs
Ann

bikewench

Hey Marymac...

I have to echo Ann...

I find this thread about addictive personalities very helpful in understanding the dynamics of addiction.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...7&page=1&pp=20

The phrase "killing her with kindness" might be entirely applicable in your sisters case... something you have to decide for yourself.

I hope you find the answers your looking for... and the best possible good comes from that.

Karivan

Good morning, Marymac. I have to agree with Ann and bikewench. My sister was a falling down drunk and got to the point she couldn't hold a job or take care of the house or kids. She actually spent time in the infamous tent city prison in Arizona. My parents tried everything. She lived with them a couple of times but went home when she realized they weren't just going to sit by and watch her get drunk. They got her into rehab and she signed herself out. Twice! She asked me once if she could come to the town I lived in and live with us until she could get her act together. For my husband and my kids sake I had to say no. I told her there was nothing here for her. She was also a chain smoker and I was afraid she would burn the house down! All she wanted was a place she could go to and get drunk without anyone getting angry at her or trying to change her.

So you're doing the right thing. Your sister has to find her own way to a clean life.