Peeling away the layers
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
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Peeling away the layers
Since getting sober I've been peeling away the layers of my addiction, my husband's, and our relationship to find me, the real me, underneath. Something I was surprised to realize was that at a deep level, I've never felt worthy of success, joy, and peace. What a gift recovery has been, not only to stop drinking, but to change the toxic patterns underneath it.
Lately, I have found that I really like myself. I feel tender towards myself when I'm upset. I forgive myself when I make a mistake. I'm happy about my successes.
This new strength is helping me so much as I navigate the changes in my relationship with my AH now that I'm sober. I find that self love is the antidote to my long time enmeshment in his fluctuating moods. His ups and grand ideas, his downs and put downs, have just become quacking to me. I see beyond it. I see what truly is. I see that he's simply a sick and suffering alcoholic who has no interest in working on his issues. He escapes and deflects.
I'm grateful I've had the opportunity to progress and grow here in addition to on the alcoholism side of recovery. It's helped me find the strength to listen to my heart.
Lately, I have found that I really like myself. I feel tender towards myself when I'm upset. I forgive myself when I make a mistake. I'm happy about my successes.
This new strength is helping me so much as I navigate the changes in my relationship with my AH now that I'm sober. I find that self love is the antidote to my long time enmeshment in his fluctuating moods. His ups and grand ideas, his downs and put downs, have just become quacking to me. I see beyond it. I see what truly is. I see that he's simply a sick and suffering alcoholic who has no interest in working on his issues. He escapes and deflects.
I'm grateful I've had the opportunity to progress and grow here in addition to on the alcoholism side of recovery. It's helped me find the strength to listen to my heart.
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Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: right here, right now
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Your post gives me hope today. Because I have a kid who is right here right now:
Her psychiatrist told her "that's why you keep choosing friends who treat you badly. Because when people treat you like you deserve to be treated -- with love and respect -- it makes you nervous. Because that's not the "you" that you see yourself as."
It gives me hope that you have found a way to joy and loving yourself. Thank you for making this post!
at a deep level, I've never felt worthy of success, joy, and peace.
It gives me hope that you have found a way to joy and loving yourself. Thank you for making this post!
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Join Date: Oct 2014
Posts: 412
Originally Posted by gleefan 
Since getting sober I've been peeling away the layers of my addiction, my husband's, and our relationship to find me, the real me, underneath. Something I was surprised to realize was that at a deep level, I've never felt worthy of success, joy, and peace. What a gift recovery has been, not only to stop drinking, but to change the toxic patterns underneath it.
Lately, I have found that I really like myself. I feel tender towards myself when I'm upset. I forgive myself when I make a mistake. I'm happy about my successes.
This new strength is helping me so much as I navigate the changes in my relationship with my AH now that I'm sober. I find that self love is the antidote to my long time enmeshment in his fluctuating moods. His ups and grand ideas, his downs and put downs, have just become quacking to me. I see beyond it. I see what truly is. I see that he's simply a sick and suffering alcoholic who has no interest in working on his issues. He escapes and deflects.
I'm grateful I've had the opportunity to progress and grow here in addition to on the alcoholism side of recovery. It's helped me find the strength to listen to my heart.
Lately, I have found that I really like myself. I feel tender towards myself when I'm upset. I forgive myself when I make a mistake. I'm happy about my successes.
This new strength is helping me so much as I navigate the changes in my relationship with my AH now that I'm sober. I find that self love is the antidote to my long time enmeshment in his fluctuating moods. His ups and grand ideas, his downs and put downs, have just become quacking to me. I see beyond it. I see what truly is. I see that he's simply a sick and suffering alcoholic who has no interest in working on his issues. He escapes and deflects.
I'm grateful I've had the opportunity to progress and grow here in addition to on the alcoholism side of recovery. It's helped me find the strength to listen to my heart.
I have been peeling back the layers on why I chose an addict in the first place and how I stayed 3 years without seeing the truth of what was going on.
It's uncomfortable at times, however I am also being loving and forgiving with myself and seeing the truth.
Thanks for this example.
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Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: Miles from Nowhere
Posts: 396
Delighted to hear that, Gleefan. Good for you.
I can SOOO relate to what you said:
Before I got into recovery, my life was just something to get through. Now I enjoy life. Sounds like you do too!
Originally Posted by gleefan
Something I was surprised to realize was that at a deep level, I've never felt worthy of success, joy, and peace. What a gift recovery has been, not only to stop drinking, but to change the toxic patterns underneath it.
Lately, I have found that I really like myself. I feel tender towards myself when I'm upset. I forgive myself when I make a mistake. I'm happy about my successes.
Lately, I have found that I really like myself. I feel tender towards myself when I'm upset. I forgive myself when I make a mistake. I'm happy about my successes.
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Join Date: May 2012
Location: Florida
Posts: 6,780
I agree 1000%; VERY well said gleefan!!!
One of the best parts for me is that I *like* myself better as a recovering person.... my relationship with ME has improved immeasurably. When I can see DD benefitting from that (developing better behaviors, earlier in life/ understanding the value of self care, etc.), then I feel like I hit the lottery. We ARE breaking this cycle of dysfunction.
One of the best parts for me is that I *like* myself better as a recovering person.... my relationship with ME has improved immeasurably. When I can see DD benefitting from that (developing better behaviors, earlier in life/ understanding the value of self care, etc.), then I feel like I hit the lottery. We ARE breaking this cycle of dysfunction.
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Join Date: Jun 2012
Location: uk
Posts: 665
Lovely post, GleeFan. I also notice I am much softer and kinder to myself as a sober person. Far less codie and enmeshed with AH too. I leave him to be himself, while I am myself. Good and healthy boundaries. Being sober and working our programs rocks. A whole new world opening up.
Glad we are both here.
Glad we are both here.
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Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: New England, USA
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Thanks, all.
Lillamy - I've struggled with feeling undeserving most of my life. Trying to figure out the reason only left me feeling angry, bitter, and ... less than!! I spent years blaming others for my pain. I'm so heartened to hear that your daughter's therapist shared that insight with her. For me, the way through this has been learning to choose peace and serenity so that I can live a life that's joyous, happy, and free. These principles are the basis of good living.
Lillamy - I've struggled with feeling undeserving most of my life. Trying to figure out the reason only left me feeling angry, bitter, and ... less than!! I spent years blaming others for my pain. I'm so heartened to hear that your daughter's therapist shared that insight with her. For me, the way through this has been learning to choose peace and serenity so that I can live a life that's joyous, happy, and free. These principles are the basis of good living.
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