mtk

Last weekend he said some really mean things to me. I tried to disengage but we ended up fighting. I’m not sure he was drunk but I think so based on his behavior. This weekend he didn’t drink at all. This is what he does after he gets drunk and causes a scene. He doesn’t drink the next weekend to prove (to me/him?) that he doesn’t need it. I felt relief that I’d get my normal husband for the whole weekend. Why can’t this be the way things always are?

NYCDoglvr

Because alcoholism is a progressive disease. An alcoholic can abstain, but once they pick up a drink they can't stop or moderate. Right now he's not a daily drinker but it inevitably turns into that, if he's an alcoholic.

zoso77

This is interesting.

Even without alcoholism or addiction in the picture, there is never a guarantee that every weekend is going to be a good weekend. It's just the nature of our lives. Some days are better than others. Some hours are better than others.

And the way I've come to terms with this is both accepting that sometimes life will suck, and be grateful for all the good things I have. For example, I'm grateful that I can respond to this post while at work with Zeppelin's "Whole Lotta Love" blaring in my earphones.

This is not to diminish what you're feeling. Living with someone in active alcoholism is awful, and the mercurial nature of the alcoholic and his condition guarantee that at some point, you'll be a target. But I gently suggest you think about the good things you have. It will slowly change the way you think for the better. And when you're ready to, you'll begin to assess what is best for you going forward.

Stay safe.

hopeful4

I would say that was one of the most difficult things about my own recovery, the whole living in the now. I am a controlling person by nature and to just enjoy the moment is sometimes still extremely hard for me.

XXX

dandylion

mtk....this is the "rollercoaster" that you will see posters refer to thousands of times on this forum. The other one is: "Jeckyl and Hyde".

If every weekend were a good one...he wouldn't be an alcoholic...or, he would be in real recovery.

This is a good place to learn as much as you can about this disease.

dandylion

johnno1

I totally get you mine does the same like he proves to me he dosent have to drink, it seriously makes me feel crazy like I have to switch moods if I'm still a bit cold from the last weekend he can't beleive how stupid I'm being that I hold on to things, let go but how the heck am I meant go over past hurts even if they are just little hurts ??
Sorry for the ramble I totally get you.

Stung

Me too! I read or heard a quote recently about not allowing a bad moment to become a bad day and it's always these common sense sayings that are the biggest game changers for me.

I also agree with Zoso. My normie friends still argue and fight with their husbands about all kinds of the same stuff that I fight with mine about. Alcoholism is just an extra thing for us to fight about (or not).

NWGRITS

Unfortunately, this is going to start heading in the opposite direction unless he decides to get sober and work recovery. You'll start seeing fewer of these good weekends until there aren't any left. That's the nature of the beast, and there's nothing you can do to force a change. You can beg, plead, cajole, and issue ultimatums until you're blue in the face, but the decision is still his WHENEVER HE IS READY. He's not ready now, and he may not ever be. Nobody can tell you what the future holds.

But hey, so far all of us here have a 100% success rate at surviving absolutely ****** days with an A, and the ones who work recovery on the codie side will continue batting .1000. The only thing keeping you from having good days regardless of what he's doing is your working some type of recovery program and choosing happiness for yourself in every day. Yes, some days will be harder than others, but remember: 100%. It's possible to still maintain your happiness even when life hands you a bowl of rotten bananas.